- Take my wife ... please!
- I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
- I've been married for 34 years, and I'm still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me.
- My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
- I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
- I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.
- I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
- How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
- I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
- My dad was the town drunk. Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?
- My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
- While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
- [on seafood restaurants] The catch of the day was hepatitis.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content