- The Mattress King: She could do back-flips on her side of the bed and you'd sleep through it.
- Matt: Why would I want to?
- Alex: Well, one day I was in the locker-room; I was changing for gym and, uh, Stacy and her friends dropped by. Stacy looked at me and she said, "Alex, I don't know whether to call you 'Dumbo' for your ears or 'Gumby' for your body." So she compromised and for the rest of high school, her and her friends called me "Dumby."
- Marlene: The men of this household are marking their territory. If I were you, I would just try to stay out of the way and not get sprayed!
- Marlene: You look good in leather. Well, everybody looks good in leather. Yeah, leather's lucky... well, except for cows.
- Victor: Just because I don't like someone doesn't mean that I don't have good manners. Now, if you'll excuse me, Matt.
- Victor: If anything happened to Matt before I got the chance to kill him, I'll never forgive myself.
- Victor: Well, you'll never find a more thoughtful neighbor. He even had the decency to croak during the day, so that when the ambulance came, I was at work. Now that's class, brother!
- Matt: Of course, if I was going to gloat, I might point out how ironic it is that your name is "Victor," and yet today that word seems to describe me.
- Marlene: It was just a real estate seminar. The last one was a motivational speaker telling us how to stay focused. Blah, blah, blah... I fell asleep!