Barney Miller (TV Series)
Vanished: Part 1 (1980)
Steve Landesberg: Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich
Quotes
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : What you got?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Corned beef.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : ...You know, corned beef has a high ratio of salt, in relation to protein content.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : ...Oh, yeah?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Animal fat is probably the leading contributor to heart disease. The number one killer in America, heart disease.
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : ...So?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : You gonna eat that other half?
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Miller..."Occupation on the Floss" - it's miller. "Mill on the Floss" was a George Eliot novel... Setting was a mill, so the occupation...
Det. Ron Harris : Uh, yeah, yeah - I got it, Dietrich.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : ...Do you need any help with "blank google"?
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Listen, I'm really sorry about this.
Laura Kiergo : Oh look, it's not your fault. I mean, If I broke the law, your going to have to arrest me
Det. Ron Harris : What's that about?
Capt. Barney Miller : You tell me.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Cap, this is Miss Laura Kirgo... Solicitation, Trespassing, Disorderly Conduct... Don't go by that.
Det. Ron Harris : Huh?
Capt. Barney Miller : See, she sort of caused a riot in the bar. According to the bartender, she would come on to a guy, get him all interested, and then drop him and go on to another guy.
Laura Kiergo : See, no one was right... My standards... they're exceptionally high.
Det. Ron Harris : Very commendable!
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : She wasn't really soliciting, I mean for money.
Laura Kiergo : I was just looking for a suitable volunteer.
Det. Ron Harris : For what?
Laura Kiergo : Father my child?
Det. Ron Harris : I see...
Capt. Barney Miller : You do.
Laura Kiergo : I want to have a baby. It's just I am not particularly interested in having a husband.
Det. Ron Harris : Doesn't that come with the territory?
Det. Ron Harris : Who's pressing charges?
Capt. Barney Miller : The owner. He's the only one she didn't ask.
Laura Kiergo : I mean, I am not asking for a lifetime commitment. All I want is just a few hours with a healthy reasonably intelligent man.
Ray Brewer : I'm Ray.
Det. Ron Harris : Wojo, you want to take care of Miss Kirgo ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'll book her.
Det. Ron Harris : That's what I had in mind, yes.
Capt. Barney Miller : Have a seat.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : You know, actually, more and more women are opting for single motherhood - whether through artificial insemination or Miss Kirgo's method. It satisfies the maternal instinct, and also allows them to maintain an individual lifestyle.
Det. Ron Harris : You want to know what I think? I think the family unit is falling apart fast enough without behavior like that to give it a shove!
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I guess that eliminates you.