Barney Miller (TV Series)
Vanished: Part 1 (1980)
Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller
Quotes
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Officer Carl Levitt : Mail Call gentleman
Officer Carl Levitt : I'm not expecting anything
Officer Carl Levitt : 12th Precinct, Levitt... Unless it's an emergency, I'm afraid your going to have to call back later. No Detectives are available at the moment... No Ma'am, I'm a Uniformed Officer not a Detective... It mostly politics... Not what you know,but who you know... It's a sad State of Affairs,I agrees... It wouldn't hurt to write a letter... Bye-Bye... Afternoon,Sir... Your Mail
Capt. Barney Miller : Thank You
Officer Carl Levitt : Been here long?
Capt. Barney Miller : Long enough
Officer Carl Levitt : Good
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Inspector Frank Luger : They call it a career conference, Barney, like they're helping you with their career.
Capt. Barney Miller : What did they say?
Inspector Frank Luger : Ah, They gave me a lot of sweet talk about, Lueger, you have done a great job with the department, you're a credit to the force, All that kind of garbage.
Capt. Barney Miller : That's it.
Inspector Frank Luger : Hmm? No. No. No.No. They want me to be all buttered up, then they stuck in the skewer.
Inspector Frank Luger : What, uh, What did they say?
Inspector Frank Luger : What else, "Lueger, take a hike"
Capt. Barney Miller : They ask you to resign.
Inspector Frank Luger : No, No, No, No , Barney. No, They gave me choice They said, "Frank, now, look... you can retire now as Inspector, but you're welcome to hang around, but if you do you will hanging around as Captain"
Capt. Barney Miller : I see
Inspector Frank Luger : Yeah, Yeah, They figure they can shame me into quitting, by busting me down to Captain.Lousy, stinking, Captain.
Capt. Barney Miller : It's not the end of the world.
Inspector Frank Luger : Oh! Listen, No Offense Barney, huh?, I mean, it's good enough for you
Capt. Barney Miller : Oh! Listen, No Offense Barney, huh?, I mean, it's good enough for you You think it came from upstairs. Maybe it's somebody trying to bluff you.
Inspector Frank Luger : Could be. Could be. They tried to pull the same trick on Kleiner a few year back. They tried to squeeze him out too.
Capt. Barney Miller : What happened?
Inspector Frank Luger : Nothing,two weeks later, he was gunned down on 13th street. They dropped it after that.
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Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : That was a call from a bar over on Wall Street... got some hooker trying to solicit a law firm
Capt. Barney Miller : Alright, check it out
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Det. Ron Harris : Mr Brewer said that some of his colleagues have been dropping out of sight and he suspects there maybe some foul play
Ray Brewer : It was a nice neighborhood before the discos moved in
Det. Ron Harris : I'm gonna go check it out.
Capt. Barney Miller : We'll do the what we can, Mr. Brewer
Ray Brewer : I'm seriously considering moving to the suburbs
Capt. Barney Miller : Then you got the commute, you know, the yard, the raking of the leaves
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Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Listen, I'm really sorry about this.
Laura Kiergo : Oh look, it's not your fault. I mean, If I broke the law, your going to have to arrest me
Det. Ron Harris : What's that about?
Capt. Barney Miller : You tell me.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : Cap, this is Miss Laura Kirgo... Solicitation, Trespassing, Disorderly Conduct... Don't go by that.
Det. Ron Harris : Huh?
Capt. Barney Miller : See, she sort of caused a riot in the bar. According to the bartender, she would come on to a guy, get him all interested, and then drop him and go on to another guy.
Laura Kiergo : See, no one was right... My standards... they're exceptionally high.
Det. Ron Harris : Very commendable!
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : She wasn't really soliciting, I mean for money.
Laura Kiergo : I was just looking for a suitable volunteer.
Det. Ron Harris : For what?
Laura Kiergo : Father my child?
Det. Ron Harris : I see...
Capt. Barney Miller : You do.
Laura Kiergo : I want to have a baby. It's just I am not particularly interested in having a husband.
Det. Ron Harris : Doesn't that come with the territory?
Det. Ron Harris : Who's pressing charges?
Capt. Barney Miller : The owner. He's the only one she didn't ask.
Laura Kiergo : I mean, I am not asking for a lifetime commitment. All I want is just a few hours with a healthy reasonably intelligent man.
Ray Brewer : I'm Ray.
Det. Ron Harris : Wojo, you want to take care of Miss Kirgo ?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'll book her.
Det. Ron Harris : That's what I had in mind, yes.
Capt. Barney Miller : Have a seat.
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : You know, actually, more and more women are opting for single motherhood - whether through artificial insemination or Miss Kirgo's method. It satisfies the maternal instinct, and also allows them to maintain an individual lifestyle.
Det. Ron Harris : You want to know what I think? I think the family unit is falling apart fast enough without behavior like that to give it a shove!
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I guess that eliminates you.