- Millie: You seem to be sitting here so quiet. Is something the matter?
- Corinne: See, my husband was a priest and he left the church for me, which made him feel so guilty that he went to live in a cave, but then our son was born possessed and he came back to perform the exorcism and when it was over, I thought it would change things, but no, we wouldn't go near me, he wouldn't touch me and the other day he left me!
- [hold out her hand]
- Corinne: I'm Corinne.
- Millie: [puzzled] Millie.
- Corinne: Nice meeting you.
- [the Major sees Millie at a dinner party]
- The Major: Fifi? Fifi, what are you doing here?
- Millie: I'm sorry, but...
- The Major: Fifi, I told you it had to end. It was only a wartime thing. You have a husband at the front, I have a wife back home. It was short, it was beautiful and I shall treasure the moments always, but it's over, Fifi. Remember me as I will remember you and let us say farewell. You will live in my heart forever.
- [kiss her hand]
- The Major: And you'd better see a doctor, you gave me some funny foreign thing.
- Danny: Aunt Jessie?
- Jessica: Yes, what?
- Danny: Do you think our family's crazy?
- The Major: Hit the dirt everybody!
- [grabs a pineapple from a bowl of fruit]
- The Major: It's a grenade!
- [throws it through the window and dives to the floor]
- Chester: Major, look what you've done.
- [explosion!]
- Dutch: [looks out the window] The gas main they were working on down the street; it blew up.
- Jessica: Thank goodness, I thought it was the pineapple. Danny, what was your question?
- Danny: Never mind.
- [Leslie's ex has shown up, interrupting Billy and Leslie's evening]
- Charlie: Kid, run along, huh? I've got some business to discuss with Mrs. Walker.
- Leslie: He's not leaving, Charlie, you are.
- Billy: Leslie, please. I'll handle this. I'm not leaving Charlie, you are.
- Charlie: Look, sonny, either you take a walk or I bounce you down the stairs.
- [Charlie starts towards Leslie and Billy twists his arm behind his back]
- Billy: I'm only gonna say this once, so you'd better pay attention. You've been asked to leave and you've been asked nicely. Leslie has asked you and now I'm telling you. I'm a fourth-degree black belt in karate a third-degree master in tai chi, so if you stay here and choose to make trouble, I'm going to hurt you very, very badly. So what's it gonna be?
- Charlie: I just dropped by to say hello.
- Billy: And?
- Charlie: And I've said it.
- [Billy releases Charlie, but takes a martial arts stance]
- Charlie: God, look at the time. I gotta be going. It was nice seeing you both. Bye.
- [Charlie slinks out the door]
- Leslie: That was wonderful!
- Billy: He bought it!
- Leslie: Such calm, cool...
- Billy: He actually bought it! Usually, they just beat the living hell out of me. It finally worked. Boy is he dumb!
- Leslie: Why did you do that?
- Billy: Why? 'Cause he's an obnoxious jerk and I wasn't crazy about the way he treated you, or me for that matter.