Little Big League (1994)
Luke Edwards: Billy Heywood
Photos
Quotes
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Billy Heywood : If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?
Mac : Now wait a minute, you never said this was a word problem.
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Roberts : [Last Lines] Excuse me Mr. Heywood! But um, they're still here.
Billy Heywood : Who?
Roberts : Everybody!
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[after the Twins lose their wild card playoff]
Billy Heywood : The Brooklyn Dodgers had a saying: "wait 'til next year."
Spencer Hamilton : That's it right there. 'Cause next year, we're gonna win it all, baby.
Mike McGrevey : Give me some of that.
[they slap hands, and the team cheers]
Mickey Scales : The Dodgers played in Brooklyn?
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Billy Heywood : Here's an easy one. Who was the first black player to play in the major leagues?
Thomas Heywood : You want me to say Jackie Robinson, but I won't. Fleet Walker for Toledo. I believe the year was 1884.
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Joey : You should start Webman. He always beats the Rangers.
Billy Heywood : He always beats everybody. That's why he's 3-7.
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Billy Heywood : Who would've thought they'd throw you a changeup with a three-two count and the bases loaded?
Lou Collins : I bet you did, didn't you. You did! Ya knew it!
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Margaret Sullivan : Isn't that wonderful? Your Grandfather gave you the twins!
Billy Heywood : I would rather have my Grandfather.
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Joey : You what you should do? You should start Webman!
Billy Heywood : I had a feeling you were going to say that.
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Mac : You're a frickin' primadonna, McGreavy. You don't deserve to wear that uniform.
Mike McGrevey : You know, you're right, Mac. I'm a disgrace to the Twins. I think you should trade me.
Mac : As soon as we find someone dumb enough to take you, that's EXACTLY what we're gonna do.
Billy Heywood : No we're not. We're not trading you.
Mike McGrevey : So what are you going to do, bench me?
Billy Heywood : Nope, play you. When it's your turn to pitch, you pitch. Nothing changes.
Mike McGrevey : You know, I don't think that's such a good idea. I have a feeling my concentration's not going to be that good out there. I might tend to forget some of those scouting reports.
Billy Heywood : Well, that's up to you, you're the free agent. Hey Mac, what's the going rate for an absent-minded pitcher who can't get anybody out?
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Billy Heywood : [after Scales was called out at first base during a home game against the Rangers] What?
Mickey Scales : Come on, blue! He didn't touch me, blue! That's brutal, my momma could make that call blue, come on!
Billy Heywood : [to the first-base umpire, after the first-base coach gets Scales out of the way] He missed the tag! He missed the tag!
Major League Umpire : and what are you, Bob Uecker?
Billy Heywood : That was a lousy call, you were out of position.
Major League Umpire : I saqw what I saw, so go sit down.
Billy Heywood : No, I'm not gonna sit down, because you're a big dork.
Major League Umpire : Oh yeah? Well, you're a little squirt with a big mouth, so why don't you get outta my face before I get mad?
Billy Heywood : Come on, get mad! Pop a vein, you ugly, big
[prolonged air horn sound, while Palmeiro's eyes get big]
Billy Heywood : ... blind, seeing-eye dog.
Major League Umpire : You're outta here, Heywood!
Billy Heywood : [while kicking dirt on the umpire] Yeah, that's right. Throw me out you big, fat
[prolonged air horn]
Billy Heywood : ... and you're blind as a bat!
Major League Umpire : Get outta here!
Billy Heywood : Fine! Ever heard of Certs?
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Jim Bowers : [after Billy apologizes to the team] On behalf of the entire Apache Nation, we accept this olive branch of peace.
Billy Heywood : [team laughs] Thanks, I think.