Change Your Image
thalassafischer
1- I hate this film and give it the lowest rating with a severe sense of purpose.
2- This is merely unwatchable and I really dislike it.
3- Pretty bad, I have my reasons, and I'm annoyed you like it so much.
4- Meh, this is the kind of thing basic cable buys as filler flicks.
5- Watchable but not good.
6- Average okay but flawed.
7- Good solid film, acknowledge the work done on this film, recommended.
8- Very good, I really like this and would rewatch it again.
9- Excellent movie, almost perfect
10- My favorite movies
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Cries in the Night (1980)
American Trauma
There's a lesser known Spanish giallo from 1978 called Trauma in English and Funeral Home (Cries in the Night) has a similar plot. This American version also takes place in a remote, rural area at a bed and breakfast. The Spanish giallo features a young attractive woman as the owner, of course, while true to cultural bias the innocent white washed version here from 1980 features a hardy 60+ grandma and her virginal 16 year old granddaughter.
The plot is essentially the same but Funeral Home touches Southern Gothic tropes like the intellectually disabled village idiot and also the tourist trap is a haunted former house of the dead. Everything else is exactly the same, including the obnoxious drunken couple having an affair under the proprietoresses disapproving angry eyes.
They're both cozy and atmospheric though predictably the Spanish giallo has that influence of Eurotrash "high art" while the American version hits on notes of childhood nostalgia and the simplicity of country folk. I gave this one an extra point because the spooky black cat saves the day! Appropos of nothing, this final detail seems like a blatant nod to Argento and the giallo roots of the original tale.
E tanta paura (1976)
Unusually Masculine Giallo
While the usual fashion models are present all of the main characters are men, which is unusual for giallos despite their somewhat misguided stereotype of misogyny. E tanta paura has a creative and twisty plot but it never quite pulled me in or dazzled me. It's a decent little Italian 70s mystery, but not one I'd go out of my way to watch again.
The brightest spot for me was Eli Wallach who just a year later played a similarly cynical "bad cop" in American cult horror The Sentinel. I absolutely had to watch this film in Italian because the English dubbed version is too obviously NOT Wallach's long familiar voice.
Fright Night (1985)
Dull Children's Film
I vaguely remember watching Fright Night at some point in elementary school. It's fairly tame, not a real adult horror movie but a kind of a tween monster movie. Everything feels so contrived and dumbed down for kids in early adolescence that it's not even that fun or amusing to watch as an adult. A lot of blatant 1950s-60s tropes clearly employed to reassure parents of the mid-80s that this was "safe" for their youth to watch.
It's cringey that the ratings on Fright Night are so much higher than on some very good classics in the horror genre. This doesn't even have the charm of latter day Hammer productions, largely because the aesthetics are weak. I don't hate this movie but it's boring AF.
Graduation Day (1981)
Garbage Day
This is Troma at its most tromatic. It's a parody of itself and you can't convince me it was anything except a creepy middle aged man's wet dream that high school girls would go crazy over a lounge pianist in a blue leisure suit. No one can act, the dialogue between minor characters adds nothing of value to the flick it's like the weird awkward fake conversations in a cheap porn with a plot.
There's also the weird Anti-Xanadu scene of kids roller skating around the world's lamest punk band. This roller rink is where some one's suburban little brother went to pretend he was a member of the Sex Pistols. A white boy in khakis does an embarrassing breakdance but it doesn't stop his date from clumsily rolling around in the grass before they both die.
This movie is so bad it's bad. I only give it four stars for its odd late 70s authenticity. Despite the film being from allegedly *checks notes* 1981.
Immaculate (2024)
Criminally Underrated
Immaculate is better than The First Omen. This film is aesthetically superior from beginning to end, filled with a mesmerizing sort of atmospheric beauty not quite reached by the similar prequel effort in the Omen franchise. The disturbing scenes are also more disturbing in Immaculate. Sure that's a matter of personal subjectivity, but from the opening sequence to the last and the special effects in between, I found this film to be far superior.
I am not sure why this film has such low ratings, it's really confusing unless an audience just cannot handle feminism combined with their nefarious church-y plots. As a woman I found the situations faced by the main character as genuinely frightening and was happy to see things resolved as they were, no matter how violent and grim.
L'étrangleur (1970)
Beautiful, Stupid Movie
The only way the plot of this movie is acceptable is if the viewer thinks that it's all through the deluded eyes of the killer. Women gratefully submit to his murder, usually with peace, sometimes with love. It's absurd. I can see maybe one woman actually being sick and wanting to die, but it just goes from victim to victim with the same unrealistic pattern.
Then the detective on the case acts like a low-key fan boy though he's a man in late middle age who loses sleep over cracking the case, once he meets the strangler he seems fascinated by his narcissistic ramblings and befriends the serial killer while running from the police with the perpetrator!
Unless this is meant to be a black comedy making fun of people who romanticize serial killers (that is a possibility though if so it's VERY dry) the plot is incredibly stupid. It's not a giallo, there's no mystery.
There's a film with Liz Taylor from the mid-1970s called Driver's Seat/Identikit that spoofs giallos with a mentally ill woman dressing up and planning her own murder in Italy but that flick while weird is brilliantly constructed. On the other hand L'etrangleur feels like a pretentious inside joke I'm not in on.
I love the atmosphere though, very beautiful film.
The First Omen (2024)
Tribute to the Original Omen + Italian 70s Cinema
The first half of this movie is absolutely beautiful and is done very well for a modern film mimicking the look of early 70s Italian horror and giallos. Even the disco scene with wigs was accurately detailed for Italian fashion of the time period.
However, I do not think The First Omen is perfect. In a 21st century world where it seems like Evangelical Protestants are the ones reviving the Antichrist it's hard to swallow a Catholic plot to do something so dastardly, particularly during the era of remarkably progressive environmentalist Pope Francis. It's also tougher to handle the original Omen idea of a woman being impregnated by a goat, which they got around by doing more of a Rosemary's Baby demon ritual for the impregnation scenes.
Overall, the film is very creepy. The scenes that could potentially be mental illness are well done and I do think everyone involved did their homework. But I think the Omen II from 1978 still is the darkest and has the most disturbing kills. The First Omen is ominous, violent and frequently just plain gross (which I don't like) but it just didn't unsettle me like the earlier installments.
Oh by the way, "the mother was a jackal" was never literal it's pretty obvious the Satanists who planned the birth of Damien could have murdered the mother and buried a jackal skeleton in lieu of her real body, to hide the crime. Duh. The people taking the jackal thing literally in the year 2024 are concerning.
The Sweet East (2023)
Main Character is Insufferable, Unrelatable, Unrealistic
The 17-18 year old high school senior who is the supposedly "picaresque" main character in this flick is utterly obnoxious in her vacant, empty, amoral approach to life. In many ways she seems younger, more like a 13 or 14 year old perhaps who is worried about being seen as "cool" so she constantly degrades absolutely everything as boring. Furthermore, I recall at that age having ethics and even budding political beliefs, while Lillian blankly moves between anarchist, far right, and vaguely leftist groups with zero feeling or development of intellect.
A terrible incident occurs about 3/4 of the way through the film that is almost entirely her own fault. She is much too old to feign ignorance that the people whom she stole from were dangerous or that her bad behavior would result in significant consequences - in this case, death for innocent people whom she's lied to.
I don't find this film amusing, and the character isn't even believable as a young woman in her late teens. I have seen reviews comparing the effect of her character passing through American current events to Forrest Gump unwittingly witnessing 20th century history unfold in front of his naive face. However, Gump was a well-written, expertly acted, and ultimately sweet film about a kind but intellectually disabled man. The Sweet East is just is pretentious nonsense. Not even sure what the director was trying to say, the flick seems to hint that the film makers are guilty of pseudo-intellectual false equivalence comparing disparate 21st century American political views.
Eileen (2023)
Dark Brooding Film
A lonely young woman who lives with her abusive alcoholic father works in a juvenile delinquent center. Her life is quite disappointing until she meets Rebecca, a charismatic psychologist with terrible boundaries. Eileen quickly falls in love with the manipulative, beautiful older woman and in her hopeful romantic naivete, Eileen pathetically throws her whole self into Rebecca with joy at finally having found a bright spot in her life. The film supposedly takes place in the 1960s but it looks very 1950s, and there are some very nice set pieces and light fixtures. There is an especially clever scene which takes place in a basement that screams serial killer.
This film plays on a lot of tropes like having a mental health worker who is just as sick or sicker than her patients, the poor closeted lesbian "taking the fall" for a straight or bisexual woman, and the manner in which children of alcoholics are susceptible to being attracted to narcissistic addicts as adults. It's very well done though. I wish I could give this film a higher rating but it twists and turns so abruptly that the ending is a bit unsatisfying. I definitely get what the director was going for in freeing Eileen from her literal and metaphorical prisons, and why it is more effective to position this story in Mid-Century rather than the present.
Anne Hathaway is actually convincing as an unstable narcissist, and Tomasin McKenzie is by turns heartbreaking and sinister.
Moby Doc (2021)
Finally, a Responsible Biopic About a Rock Star
Over the course of 90 minutes Moby himself with his whimsical childlike creativity recounts his life's story in the most painful way possible. He did not have a happy childhood, and was depressed and suicidal at the height of his fame. I am disappointed at the reviewers who are calling this project "vain" because in many ways it is the most responsible documentary about a popular musician I've ever seen. He makes media fame seem empty and dark, and speaks at length about bad experiences he had while drinking or doing drugs. But it never comes across as preachy, just mostly as sad or matter-of-fact, or even self-deprecating.
Moby is a humble modest little man and I can say that as someone who has actually seen him at animal rights protests in L. A. and at his restaurant Little Pine. He is strangely unassuming for someone who originally gained fame as a stage performer and yet he is infinitely recognizable. I was never wrong when I thought I saw Moby - and funnily enough, in the documentary there's a scene in New York from the 1990s or early 2000s where some young women find him face down passed out on a sidewalk, and they're like "I think that's Moby. Yeah. That's Moby." And it's definitely him and he includes it in this biopic, it's totally wild. I don't know if it's his distinctive bald head and thick glasses, or some kind of inner glow, but he doesn't exactly blend in despite his average looks and casual way of dressing.
I am mostly familiar with his activism more than anything, and I feel like it's probably more important than his five MTV music awards. That seems to be the ultimate message he sends with this film, and it's animated here as this iconic image of himself as a cartoon infant in the 1960s, neglected by his parents, and cradled lovingly by a house pet - it's hard to tell if its a cat or a small dog - standing on its hind legs.
Bad Therapy (2020)
Ignore the Haters
I found Bad Therapy to be laugh-out-loud funny. Yes, it's low budget but it makes clever use of the side of Los Angeles that mainly only locals see. An inordinate amount of drama takes place at an ugly strip mall in West L. A. and that is accurate.
One of the funniest aspects of this film is that women are fighting over this totally average looking, middle-aged bald guy like he's the hottest thing going.
The entire movie is like some terrible inside joke and it's like you either get it or you don't. I realize that is not the same thing as quality film making, but Alicia Silverstone is wonderful and Michaela Watkins is convincingly out of her mind. The teenaged daughter character ties the entire film together, Bad Therapy would be nothing without Anna Pniowsky, a child actress I'd never heard of before.
Brooklyn (2015)
Beautiful Period Film
Brooklyn is an aesthetically pleasing journey through a young Irish woman's life in the early 1950s. Great care was obviously taken to the settings, cinematography and costuming. There's just enough drama to keep one engrossed in the struggles of a homesick immigrant who has left everything she knows to find a more fulfilling life. However, this movie is not a 10 and aside from it's thrilling beauty and historical accuracy, I wonder if it's been just a wee bit overhyped. Saoirise Ronan gives an excellent performance but the whole plot point of her going back to Ireland and just jumping right back into her life there seems utterly contrived. She left because there was nothing going for her there, and as a woman I struggled to believe she could so quickly question her marriage to Tony to contemplate marrying Jim just so she could stay close to her mother and best friend. Let me just say I can tell A MAN wrote the book the screenplay is based upon. How ludicrous, it's not like she was a prostitute.
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)
I Don't Understand the Low Rating
I really liked Battle for the Planet of the Apes. It introduces the ape society when it was balanced and borderline utopian, with humans still having the power of speech and intermingling with ape society mostly in service positions but even as teachers and doctors.
The "underground" humans are slightly less ridiculous here than they were in the earlier installment of Beneath the Planet of the Apes. They're radioactive and still live in the ruins of New York City and hate the apes, blaming the ape slave rebellion for leading to an eventual breakdown to human society. But it appears humans are squarely to blame for the nukes, the apes seem to have been living in a relatively safe remote rural area with the nice humans.
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)
Not the Best but Not the Worst
This fourth movie is significantly better than the second one but is probably my second least favorite of the original series. There's a lot of bad animal cruelty that made me want the apes to win but the plot line was kind of absurd. In 1983 every dog AND cat die of a mysterious disease until there's none left on Earth if you can swallow that. So humans start keeping monkeys and apes as pets, quickly turning to enslaving the apes within less than ten years. Sure the 80s were bad but I...ok. So if you can suspend your disbelief there, you can watch the movie.
Caesar (formerly Milo) is every bit as likable as his parents so he makes a strong protagonist. There's also an anti-racist solidarity with the Black man helping to free the animal slaves.
While most of the future predictions were silly they got two things right - the TV got smaller and everyone really did wear a lot of black clothes in the early 1990s. A few of the minor characters actually look like they could be from 1991 though it's mostly obvious that it's a 70s flick.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)
Starts Out Fine, Gets Bad and Weird
I honestly prefer the original series of The Planet of the Apes. The 1970s films are more my aesthetic preference and seem more coherent in terms of message. But this one is pretty, pretty bad.
Beneath the Planet of the Apes is fun to watch for the first half, there are recurring characters and an expansion of the story. But the whole nuclear atom bomb sub-plot is the kind of garbage better left in a black-and-white monster movie from the 1950s clearly written by someone utterly scientifically illiterate. How are the humans thriving underground without sun and fresh air, first of all? This and other questions will ultimately be met with a resounding "I do not care" once you watch The Coneheads mentally will two arrogant white dudes to kill each other.
War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)
Really Strong Story Telling
Despite its unsavory title, War for the Planet of the Apes actually has less meaningless violence than the two films in the series prior to it. The violence which occurs makes sense in this movie and is less exploitative. The relationships are also better established and are therefore more emotionally touching, in my opinion.
War for the Planet of the Apes returns to the overt political messaging of the original film, in this case the deranged, sadistic Colonel is clearly a certain madman who was recently in charge in real life with his wall and "people zoo" at The Border. Not only that, but Nova and Cornelius from the 1968 Planet of the Apes are present in this film respectively as a mute human child taken in by a small band of apes, and a toddler ape who is the youngest son of Caesar.
While this latter detail renders the whole reboot confusing to me (I thought this trilogy was its own thing "inspired by" but separate from the OG series) it was still good to have those characters provided a backstory in the context of this version. Which officially makes it a prequel, I guess? Even though there's no nuclear war but a mutated version of the virus which removes the human capacity for speech and abstract thought, while leaving the apes unscathed.
Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)
Fun Comedy More So Than Sci-Fi
This is a fun, light-hearted installment in the original series that features Zira and Cornelius along with another ape taking the human spacecraft back in time to the 1970s.
The critique of human treatment of animals is more explicit and matter-of-fact in Escape from the Planet of the Apes since we get to watch the literal circus that surrounds the talking, educated, married apes' arrival in the mid-20th century. In that sense, it makes it a better watch for younger people.
It's a delight to watch Dr. Zira assert her dignity as she gets dressed in clothes inside of a cage, eats an orange with a fork and knife, and introduces her "lawfully wedded spouse" in front of a human preacher.
This one has a predictably sad ending, though. It's really uncool because it has a different vibe than the rest of the movie but it ends up serving as a vehicle for the next sequel in the series. In fact, this film unintentionally sets the entire stage for the Caesar character who is the focus of the 2010s reboot for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, except he's named Milo here.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
Better Than Rise
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is better on some levels than the previous installment just because of the focus on the ape community and the criticism of human arrogance and violence. I would say it's simply more fun to watch the apes for the majority of the story.
HOWEVER, the reboot is sorely lacking on a lot of levels. I don't think Dawn of the Planet of the Apes or Rise of the Planet of the Apes pass the Bechdel test for two solid films in a row very quietly misogynistic and male centered to an annoying degree. Even with the woman doctor character she exists only to serve males except for a brief interchange with a female ape - and the two ladies don't even talk directly to one another.
This is a far cry from the 1968 original where a female ape is one of the driving principal characters. Pretty sad to take such an obvious step backwards along with the lame CGI shoot outs that are dumb and unrealistic.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
At Least Half of It is Good
This reboot of Planet of the Apes starts out with realistic framing compared to the original. The apes actually look like apes and there's great writing and character development for over half of the film.
But then it just became more and more ridiculous, naturally climaxing in the sort of prolonged, absurd CGI violence the stupidest of Americans demand. I found this turn of events predictable but a good twenty minutes of this flick are unbearable and this is something I would normally fast forward through.
Another serious issue is that Rise of the Planet of the Apes and its successor Dawn of the Planet of the Apes didn't exactly age well in contrast to more recent experience with the handling of COVID 19.
Planet of the Apes (1968)
Extremely Progressive for 1968
If the original Planet of the Apes were to debut today, laughably some people would accuse it of being "woke." There are obviously white apes and black apes, in the form of the orangutans and chimpanzees with the chimpanzees having less social status. Dr. Zira is the heroine - a woman ....er...female intellectual who believes in evolution.
Furthermore, the treatment of the caged humans in the movie mirrors human cruelty and ignorance towards non-human animals in the real world, and the apes even practice a questionable fundamentalist form of religion which puts apes above other animals including man.
Watching this as an adult, the apes are absolutely adorable. I LOVE Dr. Zira, she's such an iconic character. But I was terrified of this movie as a child, it took me almost 40 years to appreciate the original Planet of the Apes. The combination of the death of Stewart, the ugly scenes in the barren desert, and the gorilla military weirdly decked out in leather and hunting people was just too much for little me back in the day.
Obviously there are some flaws - everyone speaks English, there's no room for interpretation between the "alien" language/culture and the humans from Earth. The main character is about as unlikable of a man as it gets, but I think the film makers were trying to get through to conservative white men by identifying with them through the Taylor character. I think the director was trying to keep things as simple as possible.
I also questioned why the apes were so advanced while also being so far behind. Their overall culture seems Medieval or even some kind of weird ancient tribe but their technology is on the level of at least 19th if not 20th century science. Maybe it was intended to be a commentary on American culture of the 1960s.
The Stone Tape (1972)
Very Overrated
The budget for this "film" looks like it was about twenty dollars. It's made-for-television BBC at its lowest. I was raised on PBS, I have seen great BBC productions - including old historical movies and mini-series - that were much better than this. The "house" is obviously a series of dreary sets. Nothing looks Victorian, the rooms are more like the inside of a cave. Or an abandoned windowless factory.
I guess some people would call that atmosphere, but it's more like a whole lot of blah. I say this as someone who LOVES horror from the 1970s, it's my absolute favorite era for haunted houses and ghost stories.
The Stone Tape is British in the worst possible way. Like classic television programming to guide you into a deep depression.
Nefarious (2023)
Unnerving
Nefarious is unnerving and is a succinct explanation of how Roman Catholics perceive evil and demonic possession. It is a high quality film for that reason, as an educational medium (or just as an intellectual curiosity for people who are not excited about learning these things). Sean Patrick Flanery is convincingly icky and pitiable by turns as he changes between Edward and the demon (I felt so bad for Edward when the demon cancelled his last meal order, seriously).
However, the film only works if Dr. Martin is an inherently sadistic and evil-natured person. That put me off because it made the plot too "convenient" as a teaching tool for Catholicism. Not that I have anything against educating people about theology, but because THE DOCTOR HAD TO BE BAD for the film to continue. When Edward/Nefarious starts breaking his own fingers and has asserted beyond a shadow of a doubt that he believes he's demonic, to the point of choosing the electric chair instead of lethal injection and denying the bodily host a last meal, any decent psychiatrist with morals and ethics would have declared him insane. Especially since the prior doctor who committed suicide also held that professional opinion. It makes the film null and void, or at least the demon's nefarious plot is ruined, if Dr. Martin had just declared him mentally ill a little over halfway through the movie. The film is not excellent for that reason, just mean-spirited and cynical.
Honest Candidate (2020)
Not That Great
Honest Candidate is sort of like an irreverent K-Drama with all of the aspects of a wildly unrealistic situation bringing maturity and moral growth for the main character. However, I just didn't find the main character that likable or the comedy that funny. Also as someone who does not speak Korean I found some aspects of it harder to follow than much more serious South Korean films I've seen. Maybe it's too "talky"? I don't know but it's a bad sign when a light-hearted comedy is more confusing than an award winning art film.
I almost felt like this flick was trying to be American, and in the worst possible way. Honest Candidate isn't terrible it is okay for a few laughs.
Margaret Cho: CHO Revolution (2004)
Probably My Favorite Cho Stand-Up
CHO Revolution is twenty years old and I think this is the comedienne at her best. Margaret looks positively stunning in her evening gown, but is also hilarious pulling multiple rubber-faces that are comical and downright ugly by turns, with physical comedy that gives some of the better-known classic male comedians a run for their money. Asian. Chicken. Salad.
I just legitimately find this set to be a really funny one, despite its advanced age, and I am comparing it to her more recent stuff like PsyCHO and her collaboration with Awkwafina - both are alright but just don't have the same punch as her earlier work. The ending here is also more inspiring and heartfelt.
My Brothers and Sisters in the North (2016)
Truly Fascinating and Thought Provoking
This documentary is very sincere and respectful towards the culture of North Korea in a way I have never seen as an American, and the director surrendered her South Korean citizenship to become a citizen of Germany just to make this outstanding film.
Sun Hyung Cho has accomplished something with this project that may not be duplicated again in the near future.
What struck me were the good things about North Korea - the director mentions that she feels melancholy viewing the natural landscape which has been preserved in NK in a way that has been eroded in the South due to capitalist development. There were some really interesting forms of sustainable living in the agricultural sector and the people interviewed showed themselves to be truly individuals with preferences and talents of their own, despite the overwhelming conformity of their devotion to their leader which is almost like a religious person worshiping a god. They could have swapped out his name with Jesus, that was a little unsettling.