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- The soap-operish antics of two families: the Campbells and the Tates.
- A man reconsiders his life after a chance meeting with a childhood acquaintance.
- In this pilot, cynical hotelier Henry Snavely is faced with the threat of hotel inspectors.
- Loretta's appearance on Dinah! becomes a media sensation, but not in the way she envisioned. Ed McCullough, the Hartmans' new neighbor, threatens Mary with police action. Roberta confronts Cathy about their mutual relationship with Dennis. Tom receives a dual escort from the plant.
- Sara decides to pursue a job on a TV talk show instead of getting her college degree.
- It's Muriel's 42nd birthday, and she discovers she's pregnant.
- After her tennis lesson, Jessica lunches with Mary, who mistakes her sister's glow for a facelift. At the office, Claire catches Chester wooing his newest mistress via telephone. Claire threatens to tell Jessica; when that fails to scare Chester, she also threatens to call the SEC. Jodie comes out of Mary's closet wearing one of her outfits and blonde wig. Mary tells Burt that Jodie wears her outfit better. . . and that is not Jodie's big surprise! Burt ran into his long lost son at a sporting goods store; he is coming to dinner that evening to meet the family. Danny has a surprise: the Godfather says he has to kill Burt in order to get out of the Mob. Benson is the only one who has fun when the Campbells gather at the Tate home for dinner. As the epithets and fists fly (and Jessica glows) Benson opens the front door and admits Burt's son, David. Jessica and Corinne are both shocked; and Jodie is titillated. Tennis, anyone?
- The Tate family is rich and has many secrets to hide. The Campbell family is working-class and tackling many personal problems.
- Young Heather Hartman displays suspicious behavior when asked about the recent murders; Grampa Larkin is arrested again.
- Grampa Larkin appears in court; Tom and Mary's drought in the bedroom continues.
- Sara Joy begins pounding the pavement in Hollywood; After being sawed in half by the world's most incompetent magician, Madame finds herself the surprise honoree on "This Is Your Life."
- A neighborhood boy whom Madame once babysat returns to visit her, but he has grown into a popular television evangelist. He tries to save Madame's soul while she tries to get him back in the bathtub.
- Bernadette books a ladies' marching band on the show without Madame's approval; Buzz and Sara Joy submit Pinkerton's diary for publication, which divulges his long-ago affair with Madame. When the book sells, Pinkerton is torn between the generous cash advance and his loyalty to Madame.
- A rash of robberies in the neighborhood leads Madame to install a home security system. Unfortunately, as she's testing it out, a metal cage descends upon her from above and locks her in -- fifteen minutes before she's due on stage.
- No sooner does Solaria, a psychic, predict that Madame is fated to have a baby than a bundle of joy is found on the doorstep of the mansion.
- It's dueling divas when guest star Debbie Reynolds does a life-sized impression of Madame on the show; Sara Joy admits that the baby found on Madame's doorstep is hers, and the need to earn money leads her to accept a role in a pornographic film.
- Bernadette, Pinkerton and Sara Joy take an instant dislike to Madame's new fiancé, but when Madame remains blind to his mercenary nature, they conspire to reveal his true colors.
- Dr. Joyce Brothers continues her in-depth analysis of Madame, which reveals a long-standing pattern of choosing the wrong men in her life; Pinkerton comes clean with Madame about his feelings for her, twenty-five years after their breakup.
- Loretta runs her song "Vitamin L" past Charlie.
- Mary, Charlie, Merle, and Jimmy Joe attend Loretta's recording session of "Vitamin L."
- Loretta appears on the Dinah Shore Show with her song "Baby Boy."
- At the Capri Lounge, Loretta sings "Moanin' in the Night."
- Loretta starts to regain feeling in her feet, while Mae considers leaving Fernwood. Mary makes Coach Fedders some chicken soup for his cold, with disastrous results.
- Dinah's guests are singer-dancer-actor Fred Astaire, actresses Helen Hayes and Raquel Welch and from Washington, D.C., legendary actress Bette Davis and First Lady Rosalynn Carter.