Movies For a Lazy Saturday Afternoon
So you two have been dating for a couple weeks and she or he has slept over. After brunch and a joint, there is an awkward silence. It is time to host your own movie show. Solidify* the relationship by sharing one of these babies:
This is MY biggest and fastest expanding (inside joke) list. Thanks for looking! Leave suggested flicks in the comments. Help jog my memory.
BTW One of the wannabes on the Hall of Shame list cried and it is now gone. Google still has it cached. I had left comments open so anyone on the list could say their piece and one guy did. Oddly, I don't think it was him that cried to the admins. Oh, well. Maybe soon...
*or end it. If they no like these, find a better partner. Sex ain't everything, especially after 50. A fun taste in movies together is a pleasure still fun in a nursing home.
This is MY biggest and fastest expanding (inside joke) list. Thanks for looking! Leave suggested flicks in the comments. Help jog my memory.
BTW One of the wannabes on the Hall of Shame list cried and it is now gone. Google still has it cached. I had left comments open so anyone on the list could say their piece and one guy did. Oddly, I don't think it was him that cried to the admins. Oh, well. Maybe soon...
*or end it. If they no like these, find a better partner. Sex ain't everything, especially after 50. A fun taste in movies together is a pleasure still fun in a nursing home.
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- DirectorKevin ConnorStarsDoug McClureJohn McEnerySusan PenhaligonDuring World War I, a German U-boat sinks a British ship and takes the survivors on board. After it takes a wrong turn, the submarine takes them to the unknown land of Caprona, where they find dinosaurs and neanderthals.Read this slowly:
Doug McClure, U-boats, dinosaurs.
Yes, that is correct.
Doug McClure, U-boats, dinosaurs.
Throw in a biplane and you have a great Saturday afternoon. - DirectorKevin ConnorStarsPatrick WayneDoug McClureSarah DouglasIn 1919, a British expedition in the Antarctica region is searching for a lost American explorer and finds a hidden prehistoric world instead.As Steve Miller crooned "Go on, take the money and run..." 1977 PG rating means all those cave breasts are hidden in furs.
- DirectorKevin ConnorStarsDoug McClurePeter CushingCaroline MunroA Victorian era scientist and his assistant take a test run in their Iron Mole drilling machine and end up in a strange underground labyrinth ruled by a species of giant telepathic bird and full of prehistoric monsters and cavemen.No one plays a foppish Victorian age scientist as good as Pete Cushing. If that weren't enough, you can never get too much Doug McClure. This is up with his "Time Forgot" flicks. Hmmm, there may be an order of films shake up soon.
- DirectorRoger CormanStarsVincent PriceMark DamonMyrna FaheyUpon entering his fiancée's family mansion, a man discovers a savage family curse and fears that his future brother-in-law has entombed his bride-to-be prematurely.Vinnie working for Roger. 'nuff said.
For now. - DirectorBoris SagalStarsCharlton HestonAnthony ZerbeRosalind CashDr Robert Neville has developed an experimental vaccine which makes him the only immune survivor of a biological catastrophe. A gang of homicidal mutants blame science for their condition and attempt to kill him.The last girl on the Earth is a sepia love goddess* with jive talk that only a white or Jewish script writer could come up with. I would watch Zerbe in Kiss regalia anytime over those bad cartoons in the remake.
*Get the theatrical version. There are a couple peeks at her great body - DirectorJim ClarkStarsVincent PricePeter CushingRobert QuarryA horror movie star returns to his famous role after years in a mental institution. But the character seems to be committing murders independent of his will.A double bill with "Theatre of Blood"? OH, bliss! Gorgeousness and gorgeousity! Gravity all nonsense now....
- DirectorBert I. GordonStarsMarjoe GortnerPamela FranklinRalph MeekerA group of friends travel to a remote Canadian island to hunt, only to be attacked by giant killer animals which have populated the place.Marjoe as a pro footballer fighting a giant rooster? Count me in!
- DirectorGordon HesslerStarsPeter CrissAce FrehleyGene SimmonsKISS, a rock band made up of superheroes, battles an evil inventor who has plans for destruction at a California amusement park."Classy title, no?" the one & only Gene Simmons
Watch Ace's "double". Simply amazing. "Guys," (meaning KISS) "your music and personalities got me through a poverty-stricken childhood, an honorable stint as an infantryman, college, parenthood, kicking heroin, and a marriage. I miss my kids so bad it makes me field of vision grey at the edges when I think of them. They LOVED this flick since infancy, from the 22 year old to the 11 year old, they watched it as kids soooooo many times :-) that being said, the Monday after this aired, I got ribbed at school and do until this day." - DirectorDon TaylorStarsBurt LancasterMichael YorkNigel DavenportA shipwrecked survivor discovers a remote island owned by a crazed scientist who is carrying out sinister experiments on the island's inhabitants.What an odd age 13 was for me. Playing Star Trek during the day, smoking weed and going to see flicks like this at night. Once you get past Burt Lancaster being, well, Burt, the movie is OK. York is his usual competent self, believable no matter what the scenery is, and as British as 11 o'clock tea. For an Arkoff production, you get to see the manimals often and they are not too shabby. The ending fight sequences are well worth the wait. I saw it theatrically but remember it being the ABC movie of the week not long after. Back then, that was a sure sign a movie tanked. Way back then, the longer a movie took until it was on TV was a rough indicator of its success. The longer it took reflected how well the box office take was
- DirectorDenis SandersStarsWilliam SmithAnitra FordVictoria VetriA powerful cosmic force is turning Earth women into queen bees who kill men by wearing them out sexually.Like most on this list, must "bee" seen to be "bee"-lieved. As laughable as most of it is, there is an attack by some bar ruffians that I fast forward through. There is also some steamy parts, but far less than the director planned. The hard guy lead's real life tough guy credentials are a bit on the shaky side. Veterans, go read his bio. Exactly. Just what I thought.
- DirectorHerk HarveyStarsCandace HilligossFrances FeistSidney BergerAfter a traumatic accident, a woman becomes drawn to a mysterious abandoned carnival.One of the most under-rated flicks you will ever see. Cheap but well done. IT is also the name of the last album KISS put out with their BEST line-up, Gene, Paul, Bruce, and Eric.
- DirectorJack HillStarsLon Chaney Jr.Carol OhmartQuinn K. RedekerA caretaker devotes himself to three demented siblings after their father's death.Lon Chaney Jr sings! Spider Baby is a hot little number. She is also a young and smoking in some Dragnet 1967 episodes.
- DirectorArthur HiltonStarsSonny TuftsVictor JoryMarie WindsorAstronauts travel to the moon where they discover it is inhabited by attractive young women in black tights.Dances but no bum dancing, as far as I can tell. Third base coach was waving this one guy in but he blew it.
- DirectorSteve MimsStarsWebb WilderRoger BrinegarJimmy DanielsI have only seen this once on cable's USAnetwork. I am still haunted.
- DirectorJack SmightStarsJan-Michael VincentGeorge PeppardDominique SandaIn a post-apocalyptic world, a group of survivors travel and find other settlements in huge custom designed all terrain vehicles.George Peppard AND Jan-Michel Vincent in a post-Apocalypse cheapie? Sign me up! I actually saw this in the theatres AND caught Senor Peppard pushing it on the Tonight Show. Pepperd's moustache and southern accent are cheesier than the oh so special effects.
- DirectorRoy Ward BakerCheh ChangStarsPeter CushingDavid ChiangJulie EgeIn China, Professor Van Helsing helps eight kung fu-trained siblings reclaim their ancestral mountain village, now the domain of seven powerful vampires and their army of undead slaves.**snappy palm outward salute** "Sergeant MacIntyre, Scotland Yard, Hammer Films. Hong Kong Division, sir."
- DirectorWilliam CrainStarsWilliam MarshallVonetta McGeeDenise NicholasAn 18th-century African prince, turned into a vampire by Dracula, finds himself in modern-day Los Angeles.Oh, man. Where to start? First, besides the beginning, it is in no way camp. The wry observations about cops, clubs, economic disparity, and a host of other comments are great. If they were in some crappy documentary, it would be considered genius. Anyhow, Blacula's diatribe against two pimps is PRICELESS. Also, pay STRICT attention any time the LAPD is on the scene
- DirectorLarry N. StoufferStarsPat CardiAustin StokerRosie HolotikA shock-filled tale of a serious and shy but brilliant science student who, when wrongfully forced to consume a new drug he'd created, becomes a modern day Jekyll and Hyde.It was "Twisted Brain" when I 1st saw in on Chiller Theatre. It could be a disturbing allegory of"Columbine" if you gave it enough thought.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsPaul ReubensElizabeth DailyMark HoltonWhen eccentric man-child Pee-wee Herman gets his beloved bike stolen in broad daylight, he sets out across the U.S. on the adventure of his life.This changed my whole attitude towards James Brolin. The "Mr.T" cereal and Twisted Sister's cameo date it, but its still a great, great flick. Poor Paul Reuben. Hometown haters CREATED that so-called controversy that stalled his career. I hope he re-emerges as a Bill Murray type "serious" actor.
- DirectorStanley KubrickStarsKirk DouglasRalph MeekerAdolphe MenjouAfter a failed attack on a German position, a general orders three soldiers, chosen at random, court-martialed for cowardice and their commanding officer must defend them.Arguably the most "classy" of this list, I promise you will watch every minute of it. There are times when I hopped up and yelled at the TV al a Homer Simpson. The arrogance of the general staff and the injustice of it all will stay with you. One of the best 'closing bit' ever filmed.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsRichard DreyfussFrançois TruffautTeri GarrRoy Neary, an Indiana electric lineman, finds his quiet and ordinary daily life turned upside down after a close encounter with a UFO, spurring him to an obsessed cross-country quest for answers as a momentous event approaches.Aged worse than "Tribes" but always worth a watch. Dreyfuss is actually bearable in this, credit goes to the director.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsSigourney WeaverTom SkerrittJohn HurtThe crew of a commercial spacecraft encounters a deadly lifeform after investigating a mysterious transmission of unknown origin.The one that started it all. After enduring "Prometheus", watching this was almost like seeing it for the 1st time. Perfect in ao many ways, especially scope, ingenuity, and pacing as well as characters.
- DirectorDouglas HickoxStarsVincent PriceDiana RiggIan HendryA Shakespearean actor takes poetic revenge on the critics who denied him recognition.Ms. Riggs magnificent rack should of got a credit (or two, heh heh). Not too big, not too small, she has "Goldilocks" breasts. She has a seriously under-rated set of tomatoes and the same could also be said about her as an actress. :cartoon American Gangster Voice: "Soo-poib".
- DirectorJoseph SargentStarsDarren McGavinEarl HollimanJan-Michael VincentA Marine Corps drill instructor who is disgusted by the fact that the Corps now accepts draftees finds himself pitted against a hippie who has been drafted but refuses to accept the military's way of doing things.It didn't age too well, but still fun.
- DirectorPaul BartelStarsDavid CarradineSylvester StalloneSimone GriffethIn a dystopian future, a cross country automobile race requires contestants to run down innocent pedestrians to gain points that are tallied based on each kill's brutality.There truly don't make movies like this anymore.
- DirectorJohn BoormanStarsSean ConneryCharlotte RamplingSara KestelmanIn the late 23rd century, a savage trained only to kill finds a way into the community of bored immortals that alone preserves humanity's achievements.I double dog dare you to watch this in its ENTIRETY.
If you want a real challenge, no booze or chemicals to aid you. Don’t roll your eyes, I been clean almost a decade. It sure makes mornings nice. - DirectorWilliam AsherStarsFrankie AvalonAnnette FunicelloLuciana PaluzziLocal beach-goers find that their beach has been taken over by a businessman training a stable of body builders.Homoerotic in a tasteful way. Ask Jack Fanny.
- DirectorLarry PeerceStarsCharlton HestonJohn CassavetesMartin BalsamA crazed sniper is set to kill spectators at an L.A. Coliseum football championship game and the police race against time to eliminate him.Why weren't generic Steelers on the field?
- DirectorMark RobsonStarsCharlton HestonAva GardnerGeorge KennedyVarious interconnected people struggle to survive when an earthquake of unimaginable magnitude hits Los Angeles, California.Two words
Chuck Heston - DirectorJeannot SzwarcStarsBradford DillmanJoanna MilesRichard GillilandAn earthquake releases a strain of mutant cockroaches with the ability to start fires, which proceed to cause destructive chaos in a small town. The studies carried out by scientist James Parmiter, however, reveal an intent with much more far-reaching consequences.Any monster that hurts cats needs to be destroyed.
- DirectorRobert YoungStarsAdrienne CorriThorley WaltersAnthony HigginsAs the plague sweeps the countryside, a quarantined village is visited by a mysterious traveling circus. Soon, young children begin to disappear, and the locals suspect the circus troupe might be hiding a horrifying secret.Make sure you get the uncut British version. Euro-breasts galore. Creepy and disturbing, the way a good vampire movie ought to be.
- DirectorIshirô HondaStarsRuss TamblynKumi MizunoKenji SaharaA giant, cannibalistic humanoid's rampage through Tokyo is halted by his more docile twin, but neither their reunion nor their scientist caretakers can prevent their eventual duel.Are you a good gargantua or a bad one?
- DirectorJack WebbStarsJack WebbDon DubbinsJackie LougheryA no-nonsense Drill Instructor is convinced that he can make a recruit, that is haunted by his family combat history and who falters under pressure, into a Marine."The side straddle hop. In cadence...EXERCISE!" I am going to have to move this further down the list. You sorta kinda haveta be a jack fan to dig this one.
- DirectorDan CurtisStarsKaren BlackOliver ReedBurgess MeredithA family moves into a large old mansion in the countryside which seems to have a mysterious and sinister power over its new residents.Moody, well done, and a believable child actor made this a film that has stood the test of time, at least to me. Bette Davis, Karen Black, Oliver Reed, and Burgess Meredeth vamping as an effeminate paraplegic in a haunted house? What more could you want out of a film?
- DirectorFreddie FrancisStarsJack HawkinsDonald PleasenceGeorgia BrownA psychiatrist tells stories of four special cases to a colleague.An anthology movie of some pretty silly tales, although the luau one was pretty disturbing. Any move with Donald Pleasence is worth watching.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsWill SmithBill PullmanJeff GoldblumThe aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy Earth. Fighting superior technology, mankind's best weapon is the will to survive.A freaking BLAST to watch. It is not my favourite movie, heck not even in the top 10, BUT I watch it anytime its on. Ignore the atrocious science, logic, physics, and characters. It is good old fashioned fun.
- DirectorTerence FisherStarsPeter CushingShane BriantMadeline SmithBaron Frankenstein works with a mental patient to reanimate the dead.As if the title were not enough, this is Hammer at its most awesome level.
- DirectorStanley KramerStarsGene HackmanCandice BergenRichard WidmarkA Vietnam War veteran who's been imprisoned for murder is offered freedom if he agrees to commit a contract killing for a shady organization.I read the movie tie-in the week after I saw this in the 7th grade. Oh was Mickey Rooney woefully miscast.
- DirectorPaul NaschyStarsPaul NaschyJulia SalySilvia AguilarAn evil witch brings back to life the infamous Elizabeth Bathory, who was executed several hundred years previously for murdering young woman and bathing in their blood.IF its that Moon Bay or whatever production company, count on some excellent gratuitous breast shots.
- DirectorEugenio MartínStarsChristopher LeePeter CushingAlberto de MendozaWhile on the Trans-Siberian Express, an anthropologist and his rival must contain the threat posed by the former's cargo: a prehistoric ape which is the host for a parasitic life-form.Telly Savalas as a Cossack! What more could you POSSIBLY want?
- DirectorDaniel AttiasStarsGary BuseyEverett McGillCorey HaimIn a small town, brutal killings start to plague the close knit community. Marty Coslaw, a paraplegic boy, is convinced the murders are the doings of a werewolf.Not a great flick, but OK.I forgot until a recent viewing that Corey Haim. Its not as good as the novella, but Mr. King's stuff is always better read. Rumour is he is a very generous man and let's stuff get filmed on the cheap for up and comers. I hope that's true. It certainly matches how he comes across in Danse Macabre. I got a chance to meet Pittsburgh's own Tom Atkins at a meet n greet for "Escape from New York" at the Warhol museum. He was a super nice guy. When he talked about Mr. King, he had nothing but nice things to say about him. They met while working on "Creepshow". Anyhow, the flick's strong point is Gary Busey. He is on the money.
- DirectorJack HillStarsRobbie LeeJoanne NailMonica GayleThe leader of an inner-city girl gang is challenged when a new girl moves into the neighborhood.Magnifique!
- DirectorHerb WallersteinStarsBo SvensonYvette MimieuxRobert LoganA Colorado ski resort is besieged by a sub-human beast that commits brutal murders on the slopes.Holy Timewarp, Batman! It is a PERFECT time capsule of 70s clothing. A scary monster is chowing down on skiers and anyone else around this South Park-like community. Hot chicks with oh so 70s hair. Sadly, being made for TV, none of those wonderful pre-plastic surgery breasts are ever bare...
- DirectorJoseph SargentStarsEric BraedenSusan ClarkGordon PinsentThinking this will prevent war, the US government gives an impenetrable supercomputer total control over launching nuclear missiles. But what the computer does with the power is unimaginable to its creators.What a gem! I mean it. An awesome flick. I first saw it on Chiller Theatre as a kid & wanted to work on computers ever since. Good, solid acting, coupled with a tight script and good use of the resources available make this a must see. I also think this is where my thing for blondes came from, too.
- DirectorJerrold FreedmanStarsRaquel WelchKevin McCarthyHelena KallianiotesRoller derby skater K.C. Carr tries to balance her desire for a happy personal life and her dreams of stardom.Raquel Welch and a bunch of other semi-hot (but all so very doable) chicks do the roller-derby circuit. I remember seeing the RD on TV when I was a wee lad. Lotsa fun.