Worst movie taglines
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- DirectorTony JopiaStarsCaroline MunroGary MartinJoe EganFrom the Director of 'DEADTIME' and 'Zombie Harvest' comes Crying Wolf! They're Hungry, Hairy and ready to hunt you down! The comedy horror Crying Wolf tells the story of strange and weird goings on in a little English village called Deddington. The gruesome death of local girl Charlotte by a rabid monster causes alarm and revulsion - before desperate reporters, crazy detectives and revenge seeking hunters descend on the scene! Crying wolf is a fast paced British comedy horror that will keep you howling for more!
- When the howling starts, the killing begins.
Does that mean that the howling is the lethal part of these werewolves ? Let's hope it is as funny as in Mars Attacks.
. - DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsWill SmithBill PullmanJeff GoldblumThe aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy Earth. Fighting superior technology, mankind's best weapon is the will to survive.
- Earth. Take a good look. It could be your last.
My last Earth ?
You're talking to Earth ?
. - DirectorKevin SmithStarsBen AffleckMatt DamonLinda FiorentinoAn abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is called upon to save the existence of humanity from being negated by two renegade angels trying to exploit a loop-hole and reenter Heaven.
- It can be Hell getting into Heaven.
Juxtaposition of opposites cliché is not smart, not even funny, just lame.
. - DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsTom HanksRobin WrightGary SiniseThe history of the United States from the 1950s to the '70s unfolds from the perspective of an Alabama man with an IQ of 75, who yearns to be reunited with his childhood sweetheart.
- Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you’re gonna get.
Where I come from, we know that in a box of chocolates, we'll find chocolates.
Moreover, if it's a box of mixed chocolates, we still know what we get, because our boxes don't come equipped with randomising distribution mechanisms.
On the other hand, a retarded quote probably makes sense for a film about a retard, so I'm on the fence here.
. - DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsGeorge ClooneyBrad PittJulia RobertsDaniel Ocean recruits one more team member so he can pull off three major European heists in this sequel to Ocean's Eleven (2001).
- Twelve is the new eleven.
Cliché still not working. Female is not the new male, Swiss is not the new Mexican, yes is not the new no, and so on.
. - DirectorNicholas MeyerStarsWilliam ShatnerLeonard NimoyDeForest KelleyWith the assistance of the Enterprise crew, Admiral Kirk must stop an old nemesis, Khan Noonien Singh, from using the life-generating Genesis Device as the ultimate weapon.
- At the end of the universe lies the beginning of vengeance.
Juxtaposition of opposites cliché is not smart, not even funny, just lame.
. - DirectorBryan SingerStarsPatrick StewartHugh JackmanIan McKellenIn a world where mutants (evolved super-powered humans) exist and are discriminated against, two groups form for an inevitable clash: the supremacist Brotherhood, and the pacifist X-Men.
- Trust a few. Fear the rest.
This one makes sense and all. I don't fustigate it as a teaser.
The only problem is, it's the polar opposite of what the film is all about.
. - DirectorJack CurtisStarsMartin KosleckByron SandersBarbara WilkinA group of young adults trapped on a desert island find the water inhabited by a violent form of flesh-eating organisms.
- The only people who will not be STERILIZED with FEAR are those among you who are already dead.
The good news is: there is no need to explain, as the stupidity is capitalised on the posters.
. - DirectorJohn IrvinStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerKathryn HarroldSam WanamakerA former FBI agent turned small-town sheriff agrees to help the FBI chief infiltrate the Chicago mafia when the FBI chief's son is killed by them.
- The system gives him a raw deal. Nobody gives him a raw deal.
Could you make up your mind, please ?
. - DirectorJessica BendingerStarsMissy PeregrymJeff BridgesVanessa LengiesAfter a run-in with the law, Haley is forced to return to the world from which she fled years ago. Enrolled in an elite gymnastics program run by the legendary Burt Vickerman, Haley's rebellious attitude slowly gives way to a team spirit.
- It's not called gym-nice-tics.
Now I expect your film to be as lame as your pun.
. - DirectorHarley CokelissStarsBurt ReynoldsCliff RobertsonKenneth McMillanAn ex-C.I.A. hit man running from his past finds just how difficult it is to retire when he runs across a small town controlled by mercenaries and a family that's resisting their control.
- Ex-cop. Ex-CIA. Ex-plosive.
Cheap pun would be forgiven if it was funny.
Sadly, the poor sod who came up with this doesn't even have access to a dictionary. Plosive is a word, kid, check it out.
. - DirectorMichel GondryStarsSeth RogenJay ChouChristoph WaltzFollowing the death of his father, Britt Reid, heir to his father's large company, teams up with his late dad's assistant Kato to become a masked crime fighting team.
- Breaking the law to protect it.
In the same vein as Killing her to save her life, Upgrading to a previous model, Shouting to respect the silence, Rising to the bottom, and so on.
Proofreading used to be a job.
. - DirectorCirio H. SantiagoStarsRichard NortonCorinne WahlWilliam SteisA ruthless vehicular gang rules the post-apocalyptic wasteland. That's until a muscled hero named Slade builds the ultimate machine gun - Equalizer 2000, and declares a one man war on the gang's "piece of garbage" leader.
- The final war is over. The battle’s just begun.
Another champ' with no access to a dictionary, and no understanding of any of the words he or she uses.
. - DirectorLee UnkrichStarsTom HanksTim AllenJoan CusackThe toys are mistakenly delivered to a day-care center instead of the attic right before Andy leaves for college, and it's up to Woody to convince the other toys that they weren't abandoned and to return home.
- Be the first to meet fourteen new characters.
Pixar tries to exploit my mental deficiency, my compulsion to be the first to achieve such an extraordinary feat.
Don't I need to contact Mr. Guinness Book before buying my ticket ?
. - DirectorMartin RittStarsPaul NewmanFredric MarchRichard BooneJohn Russell, disdained by his "respectable" fellow stagecoach passengers because he was raised by Native Americans, becomes their only hope for survival when they are set upon by outlaws.
- Hombre means man...Paul Newman is Hombre.
Therefore, Paul Newman is man.
Or, therefore, Paul Newman means man.
All you achieved is to confuse me.
. - DirectorJohn SturgesStarsYul BrynnerSteve McQueenCharles BronsonSeven gunfighters are hired by Mexican peasants to liberate their village from oppressive bandits.
- The magnificent one.
Could you make up your mind, please ?
It's obvious it has no place here. It is used for comedy by other movies, for example on the posters of Man of the East, starring Terence Hill in 1972.
. - DirectorLouis LeterrierStarsSam WorthingtonLiam NeesonRalph FiennesPerseus, a demigod and the son of Zeus, battles the minions of Hades and the Underworld in order to stop them from conquering Olympus and Earth.
- Titans will clash.
It's got to be the worst ever. At least the others failed. This one didn't even try.
. - DirectorGeorge MarshallStarsDean MartinJerry LewisLizabeth ScottFleeing a murder charge, a busboy and a nightclub singer wind up on a spooky Caribbean island inherited by a young woman.
- They're making a spook-tacle of themselves !
A pun so bad it deserves to be here.
. - DirectorPaul MatthewsStarsEmmanuel XuerebJack ChancerPeter TregloanA team of spelunkers, when investigating a system of caves beneath a small town, come across a hideous creature that can move through walls.
- Don't mix this movie and pizza.
Salvador Dali used to proclaim similar bollocks, but he was selling his character, not a film.
. - DirectorMark PellingtonStarsJeff BridgesTim RobbinsJoan CusackA man begins to suspect his neighbors are not what they appear to be and their secrets could be deadly.
- Your paranoia is real.
Let's pretend that I am paranoid: You are just acknowledging that I am not faking it.
Surely, you meant something very else.
And I'm not paranoid; you failed twice with four words.
. - DirectorJames CameronStarsLeonardo DiCaprioKate WinsletBilly ZaneA seventeen-year-old aristocrat falls in love with a kind but poor artist aboard the luxurious, ill-fated R.M.S. Titanic.
- Collide with destiny.
. - DirectorRichard KellyStarsJake GyllenhaalJena MaloneMary McDonnellAfter narrowly escaping a bizarre accident, a troubled teenager is plagued by visions of a man in a large rabbit suit who manipulates him to commit a series of crimes.
- Dark. Darker. Darko.
Darkulous. - DirectorKevin GreutertStarsSarah SnookMark WebberJoelle CarterReturning to her childhood home in Louisiana to recuperate from a horrific car accident, Jessabelle comes face to face with a long-tormented spirit that has been seeking her return -- and has no intention of letting her escape.
- The dead are back for life.
I still haven't figured out what you are talking about. It looks like you wrote this with sticky fingers and one word or two refused to leave your sentence.
. - DirectorJohn TerleskyStarsGreg EviganGarret SatoBogdan UritescuA band of mercenaries steals Attila the Hun's fabled sword and inadvertently awakens the most feared creature in all of mythology - Cerberus, the monstrous three-headed dog with a thirst for blood.
- Three times the terror.
The terror lies in the head of the doggy. So why did you put only three ? Couldn't you make a more terrifying film, showing a hound with, I don't know, four heads ? Eleven heads ? 365 heads ? What a letdown !
. - DirectorPeter CornwellStarsVirginia MadsenMartin DonovanElias KoteasAfter a family is forced to relocate for their son's health, they begin experiencing supernatural behavior in their new home, and uncover a sinister history.
- What if the only explanation for what you saw, was unbelievable ?
Such energy, such conviction in the tagline !
I'm telling you though: a ghost story is not supposed to be believable. I expect, no, I demand the explanation to be unbelievable.
By the way, you know what is truly strange ? You've got a ghost comma in your tagline.
. - DirectorDon CoscarelliStarsMarc SingerTanya RobertsRip TornA sword-and-sorcery fantasy about a young man's search for revenge. Armed with supernatural powers, the handsome hero and his animal allies wage war against marauding forces.
- Born with the courage of an eagle, the strength of a black tiger, and the power of a god.
The eagle is definitely famous for its courage, and for always staying as far from the ground as possible.
The black tiger is absolutely famous for its strength, in some alternate universe where people have heard of black tigers.
And the gods... The gods are so powerful that their power can only be compared to the courage of an eagle or the strength of a black tiger.
. - DirectorLarry CohenStarsDavid CarradineMichael MoriartyCandy ClarkNYPD detectives Shepard and Powell are working on a bizarre case of a ritualistic Aztec murder. Meanwhile, something big is attacking people of New York and only greedy small time crook Jimmy Quinn knows where its lair is.
- Its name is Quetzalcoatl. Just call it Q. That's all you'll have time to say before it tears you apart !
I know the title is as much to blame as the tagline here, but you are not very good at abbreviations, are you, or even at nicknames ? How about I call it Kee instead of Kee-you ? It's even shorter when I say its name while it's dismembering me.
. - DirectorGeorge PavlouStarsDavid DukesKelly PiperHugh O'ConorAn ancient creature called Rawhead is awakened from its slumber near an Irish village and goes on a rampage killing anyone in sight.
- He lives again to feed again.
How many agains do you need ? Well, at least I learned that this film is a sequel, didn't I ?
. - DirectorAlbert BandStarsJosé FerrerMichael PatakiJan ShutanCommunist soldiers accidentally unleash the part-vampire servant of Dracula, as well as Zoltan, his vampire dog, during excavations in Romania. Together, they set out for America to find the last living direct descendant of the great Count. Meanwhile, said descendant, unaware of his true heritage, goes on vacation with his family and their dogs, not knowing they are in great danger. Fortunately, a vampire hunter is also on the case and is tracking down the servant and his dog, as well as the descendant, in order to destroy the former and protect the latter.
- There's more to the legend than meets... the throat !
. - DirectorCirio H. SantiagoStarsRosanne KatonColleen CampSylvia AndersonAn American track team has just arrived in The Philippines for an international competition. Among the competitors are Ginger and Pam, nicknamed "Ivory" and "Ebony", who meet up with another friend, Jackie, nicknamed "Jade". After they arrive at their hotel, a gang of thugs kidnaps them, along with some other girls from the team. To get away, the trio are going to have to use all their fighting skills.
- They can lick any man ever made !
Is that how you sell tough action girls ? And is that a gender-specific verb, or does it work for a Jason Statham film as well ?
. - DirectorRichard T. HeffronStarsPeter FondaBlythe DannerArthur HillUpon uncovering the dirty secret of futuristic theme-park Futureworld, an ex-employee is killed after he tips off two other reporters who decide to do an undercover investigation.
- Is this you... or are YOU you ?
You try to confuse me but it doesn't work. I can easily tell if I am me or if someone else is me. Any time.
. - DirectorJohn HayesStarsPhilip KenneallyDuncan McLeodJohn DullaghanConvicts on a chain gang sniff experimental formaldehyde fumes to get high. They attempt a prison break, are shot down by the guards and buried in the prison garden. Soon, they rise from the dead, using shovels and hoes to kill all who get in their way on their quest to get high once more.
- Death was the only living thing.
I guess Life was the only dead thing, wasn't it ?
Oxymoronic sentences seem popular with lame tagline writers.
. - DirectorMichael FinkStarsJohnnie HillOwen WatsonEmerson BoozerThe female head of a detective agency is hired by a crime lord to figure out who's taking his action.
- She is smooth as Velvet.
The inspiration for 2010's Clash of the Titans.
. - DirectorSidney HayersStarsPeter WyngardeJanet BlairMargaret JohnstonA woman who may be a witch defends her husband from forces attempting to harm him.
- Do the undead demons of Hell still arise to terrorize the world ?
Why are you asking me ? If they don't, I guess I'll be bored; I'd better go watch another movie then. Also...- Witch or woman, what was it ?
You must have resisted really hard to write 'what' and not 'which'. Congratulations. However, you seem unaware that a witch is a type of woman. You're indeed asking Magic woman or woman ?
. - DirectorStanley KubrickStarsJames MasonShelley WintersSue LyonA middle-aged college professor becomes infatuated with a 14-year-old girl.
- How did they ever make a movie of Lolita ?
They ? I thought it was you.
And, again, why are you asking me anyway ?
Besides, if it was impossible to make, like you suggest, then this film is going to be dreadful, isn't it ?
. - DirectorBurr SteersStarsZac EfronKim BasingerCharlie TahanAfter Charlie survives a car crash that kills his younger brother, he is given the gift of seeing the spirits of his brother and others who he has lost, and must use his powers to save the woman he loves from impending disaster.
- Life is for living.
Amazing philosophical food-for-thought. It even looks like a truism. It validates perpetual movement. It proves that the ying has been the yang all along.
Personally, I'd remove the for to make it even smarter. And the is. All right, and the rest as well.
. - DirectorMichael DamianStarsKeenan KampaNicholas GalitzineSonoya MizunoDancer Ruby, starting at Manhattan Conservatory of the Arts, meets English violinist Johnnie, playing in a subway station. Music and dance follow.
- See the music. Hear the dance.
Smell the impact. - DirectorDerrick GranadoStarsDaniel B. DavisShannon DenayDavid DittmeierSteve struggles to care for his wife who has only a few weeks to live. While trying to stay strong, Steve tries to develop a cure by ignoring all legal and moral limits with his treatment methods.
- He found a cure that kills.
That's what happens when you use microscopes that make things look smaller. His next science project: the pyramidal cube.