A list of movies that suck.
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- DirectorQuentin TarantinoStarsSamuel L. JacksonKurt RussellJennifer Jason LeighIn the dead of a Wyoming winter, a bounty hunter and his prisoner find shelter in a cabin currently inhabited by a collection of nefarious characters.The whole flick sucks harder than the white guy blowing Sam Jackson in the snow.
- DirectorRobert EggersStarsAnya Taylor-JoyRalph InesonKate DickieA family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.Guess how ominous it is to appear on my list: It Sucks.
- DirectorGregory LambersonMichael O'HearStarsDebbie RochonMichael O'HearJohn RennaDrew returns home after 35 years to discover that the creature he imagined living under his bed as a child is real - and it's a succubus.A film critic from Buffalo helped finance this crap shot in Buffalo. Did he review it too? Let's hope he remained objective: It Sucks.
- DirectorJames Felix McKenneyStarsChristina CampanellaDon WoodAngus ScrimmA couple stay in a dingy motel in Maine to try and escape their hectic lives, but are haunted by spirits of previously murdered guests.'Better than THE SHINING' -- a review on the cover said so. Thank god for professional opinions. How else would we all know what's good or not?
- DirectorChris FisherStarsJoleigh FioreavantiBret RobertsBrittany DanielKenneth Bianchi, one of the two serial rapists and killers who terrorized the Los Angeles area in the late 1970s, is giving police station interviews to psychiatrist Samantha Stone, who is forced to relive the horrific crimes.This movie looks like it was shot on a damned Tilt-a-Whirl. Does anybody like this crap? I'm dizzy.
- DirectorSimon BoyesAdam MasonStarsNadja BrandEric ColvinAbbey StirlingA terrifying journey into one man's twisted world of torture and cruelty, in which a young woman must fight back against a sadistic, psychopath hell bent on breaking her mind and body.I know. One of the worst movies ever made.
- DirectorAlexandre BustilloJulien MauryStarsAlysson ParadisJean-Baptiste TabourinClaude LuléFour months after the death of her husband, a woman on the brink of motherhood is tormented in her home by a strange woman who wants her unborn baby.Look, ladies! A psychopath wants to slice your friggin' stomach open and pull out a fetus. Whew. Thank god abortion ain't murder or this would be a nightmare.
- DirectorJulien LeclercqStarsAlbert DupontelMarie GuillardMarthe KellerIn the near future Paris, a cop is searching for his wife's killer. The trail leads him to a high tech medical clinic where everything is not what it seems.Why is everything blue? Minority Report was way better after forgetting it wholesale.
- DirectorXavier GensStarsKarina TestaAurélien WiikPatrick LigardesA gang of young thieves flee Paris during the violent aftermath of a political election, only to hole up at an Inn run by neo-Nazis.Neo-Nazi's are portrayed with way too much sympathy here.
- DirectorTomas AlfredsonStarsKåre HedebrantLina LeanderssonPer RagnarOskar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl.I swear to god a review said, 'The best vampire movie. Ever.' Let the crappiest one out of your sight by never watching this.
- DirectorWyatt McDillStarsJustin KirkTerryn WestbrookSam RosenTrevor Grainger, Amber Croft and Rob Rankus are three, like, average dudes who run Go Time Liquidators - an eBay auction business. Trevor likes Stephen King, Amber wants to be a singer-songwriter, and Rob's into the Chili Peppers. Amber used to date Trevor but now she's going to marry Rob. They read the obituaries in order to find things they can turn into money on the internet. Pretty soon they end up in the destroyed house of a dead dude named Bill Zill, and they're also seriously obsessing over watching a surveillance-cam website called fourboxes.tv. Fourboxes.tv is a dusty, digital window into the wacked-out world of a creep they call Havoc. Havoc didn't know his apartment was wired up when he moved in. And he's weird. He sleeps in a bat-cage, builds bombs in a dungeon, and looks like he's planning to kill people on a seriously massive scale. Trevor, Amber and Rob decide they have to do something to find and stop Havoc, wherever he is. Or...maybe not - they could just keep watching, 'cause, as Rob says, "That's what the internet's for." Havoc's dirty, wrecked world couldn't affect them - right? Safe, alone, deep in the dark, clean, American suburbs.Jamie Kennedy ain't in this movie. Four Boxes was also shot with a Fisher Price camera like BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorKim Jee-woonStarsLee Byung-hunChoi Min-sikJeon Gook-hwanA secret agent exacts revenge on a serial killer through a series of captures and releases.I saw heaven when I gave this one back to the video store.
- DirectorYam LaranasStarsCarmina VillaroelRhian RamosTJ TrinidadA 12 year old cold case is reopened when three teens are missing in an old abandoned road where a gruesome murder is left undiscovered for three decades.Asian? Cuban? Mexican? Keep guessing. I did. The whole cast is from b-fkd Egypt -- and they act like it. This was a hit in Iraq, I think.
- DirectorJoko AnwarStarsRio DewantoHannah Al RashidIzzi IsmanA man wakes up from being buried alive in the woods with no memory of who he is. He tries to recollect his memory from a cabin nearby and finds that someone is hunting him and his family.This movie is called 'Ritual' at my video store. Twist: the whole cast looks like assimilated Asians but their acting totally sucks! Thanks a lot, video store.
- DirectorDerek ColeStarsStephen TwardokusLiesel KoppJon GaleWhen Paul, an unemployed writer, decides to rent and live in a house that's rumored to be haunted, he puts his life and his relationships in grave danger as he obsessively attempts to get the story that will finally make his career.This one's so bad it may as well be from Europe. Movies don't count if they look like BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorSebastián SilvaStarsMichael CeraJuno TempleEmily BrowningA naive young tourist's road trip across Chile with friends turns into a waking nightmare.Let's make this one disappear twice as much as magic would.
- DirectorJeff NicholsStarsMatthew McConaugheyTye SheridanJacob LoflandTwo young boys encounter a fugitive and form a pact to help him evade the vigilantes that are on his trail and to reunite him with his true love.Look everybody! Matthew lives in a tree house. If only he would stay in it and never come out to make movies that suck.
- DirectorDerek CianfranceStarsRyan GoslingBradley CooperEva MendesTwo men and their sons must deal with the unforeseen consequences of their actions.This one sucks so bad it needed to be 4 hrs. long to make its point about sucking so bad.
- DirectorJaume BalagueróPaco PlazaStarsManuela VelascoFerran TerrazaJorge-Yamam SerranoA television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.Rave reviews all over town for this piece of sh!t. Why? Why do people refuse to state the obvious: [*REC] SUCKS.
- DirectorSwamy M. KandanStarsJonathan BennettAli FaulknerRichard RiehleTwo strangers research a mysterious outbreak of mass hysteria in a small village.If you get that fat guy from THE FUGITIVE to be in your movie, you can suck really hard and nobody will even notice. Just kidding. I noticed.
- DirectorDanny BoyleStarsJames McAvoyRosario DawsonVincent CasselAn art auctioneer mixed up with a group of criminals partners with a hypnotherapist in order to recover a lost painting.Rosario Dawson's titties are awesome. But this movie is not awesome. It sucks. It sucks even harder than I would suck Rosario Dawson's titties.
- DirectorChad Crawford KinkleStarsSean BridgersLauren Ashley CarterKaitlin CullumWhen she learns the supernatural pit worshipped by her remote community in the woods has demanded her as a blood sacrifice, Ada struggles to find a way to survive, while the pit lashes out in anger.That sexy vampire bitch from VHS (2012) plays a bumpkin in this one. Not good. Bad.
- DirectorJames WanStarsPatrick WilsonVera FarmigaRon LivingstonParanormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.The Warrens were con-artists. They preyed on the superstitious, the gullible, the naïve. They finally got a movie made about their exploits. I just wish there was a hell for them to go rot in.
- DirectorFrancis Ford CoppolaStarsVal KilmerBruce DernElle FanningA struggling horror writer visiting a small town on a book tour gets caught up in a murder mystery involving a young girl. That night in a dream, he is approached by a mysterious young ghost named V.That guy that made THE GODFATHER made this one suck real hard with a camera he stole from that guy that shot BROKEN (2006).
- DirectorGary RossStarsJennifer LawrenceJosh HutchersonLiam HemsworthKatniss Everdeen voluntarily takes her younger sister's place in the Hunger Games: a televised competition in which two teenagers from each of the twelve Districts of Panem are chosen at random to fight to the death.The special effects suck. The characters suck. The movie sucks. America has taste for sh!t.