We all have these moments in our lives where we give up. We get betrayed. Our child dies. We see something horrible. We just say, 'I have had enough here. I don't want to be alive'. And that is what I had to go back and reckon with, and say, 'Do you want to be alive, and if you do you have to pass through that fire and become a different person'. So much of my life was driven by that darkness. The part of me that was humiliated, that was self-hating, that had to prove myself. That's gone.