- The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be 'What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?'
- You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one -- I can't speak for you, but I'm on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show.
- We're approaching a last call. All aboard God's train. Buckle up. Because trouble is coming.
- [grading Barack Obama] On his constitutional steadfastness? I'd give him a D. On his ability to move forward a progressive agenda, I'd give him a A+. On his willingness to engage with people who disagree with him, I'd give him an F.
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