- Revenue Agent: Ungrateful daughter! How dare you strike your father!
- Moonshiner's Daughter: I love you!
- Alices Father: This is crazy! You beat up my daughter and she jumps into your arms!
- Revenue Agent: Look, this is only a two reeler. We don't have time to build up to love scenes.
- Alices Father: Calm down, my child. Wait until you're married to start hitting him
- Moonshiner's Daughter: I'll never marry that big gorilla!
- Revenue Agent: You've proven yourself a hero. You may now marry this beautiful girl.
- Revenue Agent: By the way, I forgot to mention that I'm already married.