The Cocoanuts (1929)

Chico Marx: Chico

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chico : Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill *you* for money.

  [Harpo looks dejected] 

  Chico : Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.

  [Harpo smiles] 

• Hammer : All along the river, those are all levees.

  Chico : That's the Jewish neighborhood?

  Hammer : Well, we'll pass over that.

• Hammer : Now here is a little peninsula and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.

  Chico : Why a duck?

• Hammer : Now, look, I'm gonna take you down and show you our cemetery. I've got a waiting list of 50 people at that cemetery just dying to get in. But I like you. You're my friend. I like you and I'm gonna shove you in ahead of all of them.

  Chico : I know you like me.

  Hammer : I'm gonna see that you get a steady position.

  Chico : That's a good.

  Hammer : And if I can arrange it, it will be horizontal.

• Hammer : What would you like? Would you like a suite on the third floor?

  Chico : No. I'll take a Pollack in the basement.

• Hammer : Do you know what a lot is?

  Chico : Yeah, too much.

  Hammer : I don't mean a whole lot. Just a little lot with nothing on it.

  Chico : Any time you gotta too much, you gotta whole lot. Look, I'll explain it to you. Some time you no gotta much; sometimes you gotta whole lot. You know that it's a lot. Somebody else maybe thinka it's too much; it's a whole lot, too. Now, a whole lot is too much; too much is a whole lot; same thing.

  Hammer : The next time I see you, remind not to talk to you, will you?

• Hammer : Come over here, I want to see you. Now, listen to me. I'm not going to have that red-headed fellow running around the lobby. If you want to keep him up in the room, you'll have to keep him in a trap.

  Chico : You can't catch him.

  Hammer : Who is he?

  Chico : He's my partner, but he no speak.

  Hammer : Oh, that's your silent partner.

• Hammer : Look... Suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to the stream and wanted to ford over there, you couldn't make it. Too deep.

  Chico : But what do you want with a Ford when you gotta horse?

• Hammer : Hey, hey! You know that suitcase is empty?

  Chico : That's all right. We fill it up before we leave.

• Hammer : What do you want? Do you want a single room?

  Chico : We'd like to double up.

  Hammer : Well, eat some green apples.

• Penelope : Where'd you get that coat?

  Chico : That'sa my coat.

  Penelope : That's your coat?

  Chico : That'sa my coat.

  Penelope : But it doesn't fit you.

  Chico : I know. I had it made to order.

• Chico : I no buy nothing. I gotta no money.

  Hammer : You got no money?

  Chico : I no gotta one cent.

  Hammer : How're you going to pay for your room?

  Chico : Thatsa your lookout.

  Hammer : Oh, you're just an idle rumor?

• Hammer : You know what an auction is, eh?

  Chico : I come from Italy on the Atlantic Auction.

• Hammer : Now, in arranging these lots, of course, we use blueprints. You know what a blueprint is, huh?

  Chico : It's oysters.

  Hammer : [looking slightly exasperated]  How is it you never got double pneumonia?

  Chico : I go around by myself.

• Hammer : Look, Einstein. Here's Cocoanut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Manor. Here's Cocoanut Heights. That's a swamp - right over where the - where the road forks, that's Cocoanut Junction.

  Chico : Where have you got Cocoanut Custard?

  Hammer : Why, that's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so you wouldn't have to worry about that.

• Chico : He say six, I say seven. He say seven, I say eight. He say eight, I say nine. I got plenty a numbers left. When I start, I no stoppa for no-tin'. I go higher, higher, higher, all the time I go higher.

  Hammer : Eh, you'll go higher when I get ahold of ya. Sold to Hiawatha for eight hundred dollars.

• Hammer : Now, the first musical number on the program will be a piccolo solo, which we will skip. And, eh, the second number will be Signore Pastrami, the Lithuanian pianist.

  [Crowd claps] 

  Hammer : Signore, for his first selection, will play "A Cup of Coffee, a Sandwich and You" from the opera Aida. Signore, allow me to escort you...

  Mrs. Potter : Oh, Signore Pastrami, what is the first number?

  Chico : Number one!

• Hammer : I say, I'm holding an auction at Cocoanut Grove. And when the crowd gathers around, I want you to mingle with them. Don't pick their pockets, just mingle...

  Chico : I'll find time for both.

  Hammer : Well, maybe we can cut out the auction.

• Hammer : Now then, if we're successful in disposing of these lots, I'll see that you get a nice commission.

  Chico : And how about some money?

  Hammer : Well, you can have your choice.

• Penelope : Tell me, what are you doing tonight?

  Chico : Maybe you gotta good idea, huh?

  Penelope : Well, don't you dare come to Room 320 at eleven o'clock.

  Chico : Awright, I come half-past ten.

• Hammer : There it is. There it is, over there, right where that cocoanut tree is. Now what am I offered for lot #21?

  Chico : Two hundred dollars

  Hammer : Why, my friend, there's more than two hundred dollars worth of milk in those cocoanuts - and *what* milk, milk from contented cow-co-nuts. Who will say 300?