Animal Crackers (1930)
Chico Marx: Signor Emanuel Ravelli
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Spaulding : How much would you charge to run into an open manhole?
Ravelli : Just the cover charge.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, drop in sometime.
Ravelli : Sewer.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, we cleaned that up pretty well.
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Ravelli : [while Ravelli is playing the same piano part over and over] Say, if you get near a song, play it!
Ravelli : I can't think of the finish.
Capt. Spaulding : That's strange and I can't think of anything else.
Ravelli : You know what I think, I think I went past it.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, if you come around again, jump off.
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Ravelli : [asking Roscoe Chandler about his new identity] How did you get to be Roscoe W. Chandler?
Roscoe Chandler : Say, how did you get to be an Italian?
Ravelli : Never mind that, whose confession is this?
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Capt. Spaulding : I used to know a fellow who looked exactly like you by the name of Emanuel Ravelli. Are you his brother?
Ravelli : I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding : You're Emanuel Ravelli?
Ravelli : I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, no wonder you look like him. But I still insist there is a resemblance.
Ravelli : Heh, heh, he thinks I look alike.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, if you do, it's a tough break for both of you.
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Ravelli : [taunting Roscoe Chandler] Abie the fish man! Abie the fish man! Abie the fish man!
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Capt. Spaulding : Play that song about the Irish chiropodist.
Ravelli : Irish chiropodist?
Capt. Spaulding : "My Fate Is In Your Hands".
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Roscoe Chandler : Now, please, Chandler is my name. Roscoe W. Chandler.
Ravelli : Yeah, but I don't care about the name. You see, some place I met you before; because, your face is a very familiar. Now, wait, let me see. Were you ever in Sing-Sing?
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Ravelli : How 'bout playing some bridge? You play bridge?
Mrs. Rittenhouse : I play bridge a little.
Ravelli : What do you play for?
Mrs. Rittenhouse : Oh, we just play for small stakes.
Ravelli : And French fry potatoes?
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Ravelli : [Bridge game] How do you want to play? Honest?
Mrs. Whitehead : Well, I hope so!
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Ravelli : Well, I tell ya Capt., you see, my idea of a house is something nice and a small and comfortable.
Capt. Spaulding : That's the way I feel about it. I don't want anything elaborate. Just a little place that I can call home and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.
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Ravelli : Well, look. All you gotta do is open the door, step outside and there you are.
Capt. Spaulding : There you are? There you are, where?
Ravelli : Outside.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, suppose you want to get back in again?
Ravelli : You had no right to go out.
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Ravelli : Yeh, right there's the rooms. This is your room. This is a my room. And this is the maid's room.
Capt. Spaulding : Oh, I'd have to go through your room?
Ravelli : Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah, that's alright. I won't be in it.
Capt. Spaulding : Say, Ravelli, you, eh, you couldn't put the maid in your room, eh?
Ravelli : What makes you think I couldn't?
Capt. Spaulding : Well, there's going to be a lot of traffic in there. I can see that.
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Capt. Spaulding : You know, I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.
Ravelli : Ha-ha-ha!
[points at his feet]
Ravelli : Hey, I got pair of shoes!
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Arabella Rittenhouse : Oh, Mr. Raviola!
Ravelli : Ravelli, Ravelli.
Arabella Rittenhouse : Oh, eh, Mr. Ravelli, I want you to do something for me.
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Capt. Spaulding : Now, if we can find the left-handed person that painted this, we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan" with sound.
Ravelli : Well, I saw that.
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Police Inspector Hennessey : [to the Professor] Why don't you go home?
Signor Emanuel Ravelli : He's got no home.
Police Inspector Hennessey : Go home and stay home.
[Claps the Professor on the shoulder]
Police Inspector Hennessey : Your poor old mother sits there...
[silverware begins falling from the Professor's sleeve]
Police Inspector Hennessey : Sits there, night after --
[more silverware falls]
Police Inspector Hennessey : night after night --
[more silverware falls]
Police Inspector Hennessey : waiting to hear your steps on the stairs.
Signor Emanuel Ravelli : Ain't got no stairs.
Police Inspector Hennessey : And I can see a little light burning in --
[more silverware falls]
Police Inspector Hennessey : burning in the window.
Captain Geoffrey T. Spaulding : No you can't, the gas company turned it off.
Police Inspector Hennessey : What I'm telling you is for your own good.
[more silverware falls]
Police Inspector Hennessey : And if you listen to me --
[more silverware falls]
Police Inspector Hennessey : you can't go wrong...
[a massive amount of silverware falls at once with a huge crash]
Captain Geoffrey T. Spaulding : This may go on for years.
Police Inspector Hennessey : Now, there's just one thing --
[still more silverware falls]
Captain Geoffrey T. Spaulding : I can't understand what's delaying that coffee pot.
[the Professor moves his arm, and a coffee pot falls from his sleeve]
Captain Geoffrey T. Spaulding : Where's the cream?
Police Inspector Hennessey : [indignant] Well, you certainly surprised me!
Captain Geoffrey T. Spaulding : Me too, I thought he had more than that.
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Roscoe Chandler : Listen, here. I have me a check for $5,000. Now, I give it to you. Here.
Ravelli : Hey, is it good?
Roscoe Chandler : Well, of course it is good. Who would give me a bad check?
Ravelli : I would!
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Capt. Spaulding : Play the song about Montreal.
Ravelli : Montreal?
Capt. Spaulding : I'm a Dreamer, Montreal.
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Capt. Spaulding : We go to court and get a writ of habeas corpus.
Ravelli : You gonna get rid of what?
Capt. Spaulding : [...] Haven't you ever heard of habeas corpus?
Ravelli : No, but I've heard of "Habie's Irish Rose."
[Groucho writhes in agony]
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Ravelli : [hushed] Hide, hide! Somebody's coming!
Ravelli : Alright, alright, I make a mistake. Get up, get up. Come on. Hurry up.
Ravelli : Hey, come here. Hey, hurry up, come here. You know what we gotta do, huh? We gotta take-a that picture out, put-a this one upstairs for the lady. Wait, no touch!
Ravelli : You got everything ready, huh? The shovel, the ax, the dynamite, the pineapples? Where's the flash?
[Harpo, the professor pinches his cheek, confusing flesh for flash]
Ravelli : [mutters in Italian] No flesh! A flash! Where's the flash? Flash, that's a flash.
Ravelli : [Professor takes a fish out of his overcoat] That's a fish! I don't want the fish! No fish, flash!
Ravelli : [Professor puts his hands next to his head in a praying pose with his eyes closed, as if sleeping] Aw, stop-a this, you act crazy! When you go out in the nighttime, you gotta have-a the flash!
Ravelli : [Professor pulls a flask from his overcoat] That's-a no flash, that's a flisk! Flash! When you want to see somebody, you gotta have-a the flash.
Ravelli : [Professor takes out a hand of playing cards showing a flush] That's a flush! What am I gonna do with a flush? A flash!
Ravelli : [Professor takes out an insect sprayer and starts spraying] No flitz! That's a flitz! What I gonna do, huh? Flitz?
Ravelli : [Professor takes out a flute] What do you got, huh?
Ravelli : [Professor plays on the flute] Aah, that's... whaddaya call... a flutes. All you got is a fish and a flutes, and a flitz and a flutes, and a flitz and a flutes, and a...
Ravelli : [Professor plays the flute and dances a jig] Stop this! Where's the flash, huh? Look, when everything is light and you want to make 'em dark, what do you do?
Ravelli : [Professor takes out a blackjack club] Hey, you crazy! I don't want no blackjack! It's my mistake, I guess. When everything is... uh... um... dark, and you want to make 'em light?
Ravelli : [Professor takes out the flashlight] Yeah, that's a flash, that's a flash! That's a...
[thunder and lightning; the lights go off and the room blacks out]
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Capt. Spaulding : Did you ever see a tree like that?
Ravelli : Tree? Tha'ts-a spinach.
Capt. Spaulding : It can't be spinach. Where's the egg?
Ravelli : Well, it could be spinach. Look at all the sand laying around there.
Capt. Spaulding : You mean it's an old spinach custom? No, it's not that, Ravelli, anything but that.
Ravelli : No, Cap. That's all right. It's my mistake. It's my mistake. You know what that is? It's cole slaw.
Capt. Spaulding : Cole slaw?
Ravelli : Yeah, it's-a cole slaw.
Capt. Spaulding : Did you ever see a cole slaw like that?
Ravelli : Sure, look at this one.
[Ravelli shows Capt. Spalding his lip, making a pun on 'cole slaw' and 'cold sore']
Capt. Spaulding : I don't want any of your lip now.
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Capt. Spaulding : This is either a left-handed painting or a vegetable dinner. Now, if we can find the left-handed person who painted this, we'll have 'The Trial of Mary Dugan' with sound.
Ravelli : Well, I saw that. Good-bye!
Capt. Spaulding : Now, you wait here. I'm gonna need you.
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Capt. Spaulding : Ravelli, we have got to find the left-handed painting.
Ravelli : Yeah.
Capt. Spaulding : Now let's see. Now, in a case like this, the first thing to do is to find the motive. Now, what could have been the motive of the guys who swiped the Beaugard?
Ravelli : I got it: robbery!
Capt. Spaulding : Would you mind going out and crossing the boulevard when the lights are against you?
Ravelli : See, Cap, sit down. You understand? I got an idea how to find-a this painting. In a case like-a this that's-a so mysterious, you gotta get-a the clues. You gotta use-a the Sherlock Holmes-a method. Now you go about 'em like-a this: you say to yourself 'What happened?' Then the answer comes back: 'Something was stolen.' Then you say to yourself: 'What was stolen?' And the answer comes back: 'A painting.'
Capt. Spaulding : What are you, a ventriloquist?
Ravelli : Now you say to yourself: 'Where was this painting stolen?' And the answer comes back: 'In this house.' Now, so far, I'm right, huh?
Capt. Spaulding : Well, it's pretty hard for you to be wrong if you keep answering yourself all the time.
Ravelli : Now you go a little further and you say to yourself: ' Who stole the painting?' This is a very, very important question, Captain. You get-a the answer, you gotta the solution to the whole thing.
Capt. Spaulding : Especially if you find the picture.
Ravelli : Now you take all the clues, you put 'em together. Whaddaya got, huh?
Capt. Spaulding : A bread pudding.
Ravelli : No, here's what-a we got: something was stolen. Stolen where? In-a this house! Stolen by who? Somebody in this house! Now, to find the painting, all you gotta do is go to everybody in the house and ask them if they took it.
Capt. Spaulding : You know, I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? You say you're going to go to everybody in the house and ask them if they took the painting? Suppose nobody in the house took the painting?
Ravelli : Go to the house next door.
Capt. Spaulding : That's great. Suppose there isn't any house next door?
Ravelli : Well, then of course, we gotta build one.
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Capt. Spaulding : Suppose nobody in the house took the painting?
Ravelli : Go to the house next door.
Capt. Spaulding : That's great. Suppose there isn't any house next door?
Ravelli : Well, then of course, we gotta build one.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, now you're talking! What kind of a house do you think we ought to put up, huh?
Ravelli : Well, I'll tel ya, Cap. You see, my idea of a house is something nice and small and comfortable.
Capt. Spaulding : That's the way I feel about it; I don't want anything elaborate, just a little place I can call home and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.
Ravelli : I see; you just want a telephone booth.
Capt. Spaulding : No; in that case, I'll get in touch with Chic Sale.
Ravelli : Now whaddaya say, uh... whaddaya say Cap, we build right about here?
Capt. Spaulding : Here?
Ravelli : Yeah, right about here.
Capt. Spaulding : Uh, I'd like something over here, if I could get it. I don't like Junior crossing the tracks on his way to the reform school. I don't like Junior at all, as a matter of fact.
Ravelli : All right, all right. we got something over there, and believe me, that's-a convenient. Ahh, that's-a very convenient. Why, look, all ya gotta do is open the door, step outside, and there you are.
Capt. Spaulding : There you are.
Ravelli : Yeah.
Capt. Spaulding : There you are, where?
Ravelli : Outside.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, suppose you want to get back in again?
Ravelli : You had no right to go out.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, don't do anything until I hear from you, will you? Say! Maybe that's the painting, down in the cellar!
Ravelli : 'Ats-a no cellar, that's the roof.
Capt. Spaulding : That's the roof, down there?
Ravelli : Yeah, you see, we keep-a the roof in the basement, so when the rain comes, the chimney don't get wet.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, uh... I'm going out and get X-rayed, I'll be back in a little while. I may be wondeful, but I think you're wrong, Ravelli.
Ravelli : Hey, wait, don't get excited. Come here. Now look: here's the rooms.
Capt. Spaulding : Those are the rooms?
Ravelli : Yeah. Right there's the rooms. This is your room, this is-a my room, and this is the maid's room.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, I'd have to go through your room?
Ravelli : [laughs] Ah, but that's all right! I won't be in it.
Capt. Spaulding : Say, Ravelli, you... you couldn't put the maid in your room, eh?
Ravelli : What makes you think I couldn't?
Capt. Spaulding : Well, there's going to be a lot of traffic in there, I can see that.
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Ravelli : Well, whaddaya say? You ready to sign the lease?
Capt. Spaulding : Well, it's a little premature, I'd like to discuss it with my husband. Could you come back this evening, when he's home?
Ravelli : Hey, you married?
Capt. Spaulding : Well, I've got a girl as big as you are.
Ravelli : All right, get me one.
Capt. Spaulding : Don't get vulgar, Ravelli. Ravelli, how about the painting?
Ravelli : Oh, we take care of that, all right. Now I tell you what my idea is: I think the kitchen should be white; outside, green; inside, cerise with maroon...
Capt. Spaulding : The painting, I say! How about the painting, Ravelli?
Ravelli : All right! Whaddaya think I talk? It's painting the kitchen white, outside green, inside...
Capt. Spaulding : The painting! The painting that was stolen!
Ravelli : Stolen?
Capt. Spaulding : Don't you remember? Mrs. Rittenhouse lost a valuable Beaugard oil painting worth $100,000? Don't you remember that?
Ravelli : No, I'm a stranger around here, I don't remember that.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, what do you think I am: one of the early settlers? Ravelli, don't you remember Mrs. Beaugard lost a valuable Rittenhouse painting worth $100,000? Don't you remember that?
Ravelli : No, but I've seen you someplace before.
Capt. Spaulding : Well, I don't know where I was, but I'll stay out of there in the future.
Ravelli : Hey, Cap! It come to me like a flash! This painting wasn't stolen! Ha, you know what happened? This painting, Cap, has-a disappeared. Ah yes, disappeared. And you know what make it disappear? You'll never guess, Cap, what do you think make this painting disappear, eh? Moths! Moths eat it! Left-handed moths!
Capt. Spaulding : Go away! Go away, I'll be all right in a minute. Left-handed moths ate the painting, huh?
Ravelli : That's-a my own solution!
Capt. Spaulding : I wish you were in it. Left-handed moths ate the painting. You know, I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.
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Capt. Spaulding : Left-handed moths ate the painting, huh?
Ravelli : That's-a my own solution.
Capt. Spaulding : I wish you were in it. Left-handed moths ate the painting. You know, I'd buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.
Ravelli : [laughs] Hey, I gotta pair o' shoes!
Capt. Spaulding : [has a brief fit of frustration in response to the pun on "parachute" and "pair o' shoes] Mmh!
Ravelli : He's-a crazy.
Capt. Spaulding : Come on, let's go down and get the reward. We solved it, you solved it! The credit is all yours. The painting was eaten by left-handed moths!
Ravelli : Hey, you know, we did a good day's work.
Capt. Spaulding : How do you feel, tired? Maybe you ought to lie down for a couple of years, eh? Why don't you just lie down until rigor mortis sets in? Now look, Ravelli, I'll show you how we get the painting: we go to court, and we get out a writ of habeas corpus.
Ravelli : You're gonna get rid of what?
Capt. Spaulding : Oh, I should never have started that way, I can see that. I say-- I say, we'll go to court, and we'll get out a writ of habeas corpus.
Ravelli : Yes, a corpus, a corpus.
Capt. Spaulding : Didn't you ever see a habeas corpus?
Ravelli : No, but I see "Habea's Irish Rose".
[pun on "Abie's Irish Rose"; Spaulding howls at Ravelli's pun]
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Capt. Spaulding , Ravelli , Horatio Jamison : [they walk in, singing] We will sing one song for my old Kentucky home, For my old Kentucky home, Far away... So far away.
Capt. Spaulding : [song ends] This program is coming to you from the House of David.
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Ravelli : [the Professor pulls out a fish] That's a fish! What would you do with a fish? No fish. "Flash."
