- Bob: Get that silly look off of your face! Every time you do that I know you're ready to lift something--and you promised me you weren't gonna steal another thing!
- Bert: You know I can't help lifting things. It's a disease! Y'know, the doctor says that I'm a kleptomaniac.
- Bob: Yeah, well why don't you take something for it?
- Bert: I've taken everything. But you know, I don't really steal.
- Bob: Aw, no, you don't steal--you just find a lot of things that haven't been lost, that's all!
- Title Card: In the days of old - When men were bold - And ladies wore the braces - 'Twas rare to see - Femininity - For men wore all the laces!
- Lady Genevieve: [Sarcastically] What a lovely homecoming for me!
- Baron Moxford: Well, when there's boar to hunt, a man's place is in the hunt. Adventure! Excitement! That's what a red-blooded man like me needs.
- Lady Genevieve: And what do you think a red-blooded woman like me needs?
- Baron Moxford: Silence!
- Bob: Hi ya, there, sister, hi ya there. Eh, I'm only kidding, but, suppose you and I get married?
- Tavern Wench: Oh, no. The man I marry must be young and handsome.
- Bob: Well, you're no prize. You've got a face that only a mother could love.
- Tavern Wench: Oh, yes. But, I'm about to inherit 10,000 sovereigns.
- Bob: Then I'm about to become a mother.
- Coach Driver: His radiant excellency, personal physician to his majesty, the King. Traveling with his august aide. His radiant excellency is cockeyed. They've been tippling at every tavern.
- Innkeeper: Tippling? They've toppled?
- Coach Driver: We're changing horses, your excellency. Why not rest here?
- King's Physician: I know, but, the Duke is expecting me.
- Innkeeper: When the horses are ready, they'll blow the tally ho.
- King's Physician: Oh, the tally ho!
- Bert: What does that all mean?
- Bob: It means that the clothes we have on belongs to the King's physician. So, from now on, we're a couple of doctors.
- Mary Ann Dale: Surgeons?
- Bob: No, I could never be a surgeon. Too much inside work.
- The Duke's Valet: Welcome to the manor of the Duke of Weskit.
- Mary Ann Dale: The Duke of Weskit?
- Bob: Not bad. Not bad. And from the looks of this joint, he must be a gay old dog. Well, here's where we teach the old dog some new tricks.
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor. I'm so glad you've come. Would you like to make an examination at once?
- Bob: Would I like to make an examination? Why, you know I would you little devil. Hi ya, Gracie.
- Lady Genevieve: What?
- Bob: Hi ya, Gracie.
- Lady Genevieve: Why, you said that before?
- Bob: Oh, that's where I heard it.
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor, I think you're making a mistake.
- Bob: Not with you, baby. Not with you. Now, how's your heart? Take a deep breathe.
- Lady Genevieve: But, doctor, I'm not the patient.
- Bob: What, you're not Grace?
- Lady Genevieve: His Grace is my Uncle the Duke and he's suffering from insomnia and I'm afraid its affecting his heart.
- Bob: Well, we'll soon put a stop to that! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna prescribe a glass of whiskey every 15 minutes.
- Lady Genevieve: For Uncle?
- Bob: No, for me!
- Bob: You know, toots, you and I are gonna be great pals. By the way, what does insomnia mean?
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor!
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor, isn't the moon glorious. You know, I've always wanted to see the man in the moon.
- Bob: Not me. I'd rather see a woman in the sun.
- Bob: Hi there, Jen! Doggone, what a beautiful dress you have on!
- Lady Genevieve: My dressmaker says it's the coming thing.
- Bob: Heh! It must be coming - because there's a lot of it that hasn't arrived yet.
- Baron Moxford: Will you put the powder puff away.
- [Lady Genevieve stuffs it in the front of her dress]
- Bob: Can I help you?
- Bob: Well, I hope our paths cross again.
- Tavern Singer: Well, I hope so!
- Bob: That makes it a double-cross.
- Lady Genevieve: And you enjoyed your dinner too. Didn't you doctor? Don't you just love wild game?
- Bob: Genny, the wildest game I ever played was Post Office.
- Bob: Listen.
- [Strums an overly large guitar]
- Lady Genevieve: Ah, you play!
- Bob: Do I play? Listen, I play this thing so well some folks got me up out of bed one night to play it for them.
- Lady Genevieve: And you got dressed and did it?
- Bob: No, I played in my pajamas. I was going along swell too and all of the sudden a string broke.
- Lady Genevieve: On the guitar?
- Bob: No, on the pajamas.
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor!
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor, we can be alone. Look up into that window.
- Bob: Hey, what do you think I am? A peeping Tom?
- Lady Genevieve: That's Uncle's room and when the light goes out, meet me on my balcony.
- Bob: Will I be on that balcony!
- Lady Genevieve: I'll be waiting - with bells on.
- Bob: Never mind the bells, honey!
- Lady Genevieve: Oh, doctor, can't you prescribe something for this dreadful heat?
- Bob: No. I can make 'em warm, but, I can't cool 'em off.