The Scarlet Empress (1934)

Louise Dresser: Empress Elizabeth Petrovna

Quotes 

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : So this is little Sophie. Sophia Frederica. Hardly a name for a future empress. You don't like your name, do you?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : I do, Your Imperial Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You will be called Catherine Alexina, a good Russian name.

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : What are you doing here, sneaking around like a ghost?

  Grand Duke Peter : I hate my wife.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You hate your wife? You've only been married for a week. Why? You'll make a fine emperor someday, you idiot. You don't even know that you can't force a woman to be sweet to you. She's only a child. Be patient with her. You know our people are waiting for you to raise a family. They don't care whether you like her or not.

  Grand Duke Peter : I don't want her.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : I picked her for your wife, and your wife she will remain as long as I live. Get that into your skull! You're man enough to manage your own affairs. I don't want to hear anymore about it. Do you understand me?

  [He kisses the hem of her skirt. She kicks him and leaves] 

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You wouldn't think that once I had skin like velvet. Empress, bah! I haven't even the power to iron out a single wrinkle. What are you looking at?

  [Catherine stares as Peter's drill pokes through the eye of a saint painted on the wall] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : That must be Peter. Go and see if it is, and tell him to come here at once.

• Elizabeth's Lady-in-Waiting : Have you noticed, Your Majesty, how the imperial duckling resembles his father?

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Hush, hush, enough of this. Now, you keep an eye on him. I don't want anyone to go near him unless I know about it, not even his mother. I had enough trouble getting him. If he catches cold or sniffles just once, I'll have you hung by the ears! If he coughs, I'll have you cut in half! And if anyone touches him, I'll have you shot!

  Count Lestoq : Your Imperial Majesty, I beg of you not to become excited. You've been ill for weeks, and this turmoil will weaken you.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Don't any of you think I'll give you the pleasure of seeing me die. I'll outlive all of you, you sinister buzzards. All of you!

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : This is the Order of Saint Catherine. May you both wear it in good health, and be careful it doesn't scratch you.

  [to Count Alexei] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Don't stand around here doing nothing. Pin this on Catherine.

  [to Princess Johanna] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Get up.

  [to the Chancellor] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : What do you think of Catherine?

  Chancelor Alexei Bestuchef : I can only admire your judgment, Your Imperial Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : That's the chancellor. Steals more money from me in a week than I can collect in taxes in a year. Doctor, come here! What do you think of my taste in women, Doctor? Looks healthy, doesn't she? Just what we need to breed sons for Russia.

  Count Lestoq : With your permission, Your Highness.

  [He raises Catherine's arms and puts his ear to her chest] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : How was the journey, comfortable?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Yes, Your Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Are you happy to be here?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Yes, Your Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Are you going to love your new country?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Yes, Your Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Do you promise to be a loyal subject?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Yes, Your Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : And don't make too many new friends, and no intrigue and gossip. I have my hands full now.

  Count Lestoq : [He emerges from beneath Catherine's cape without his wig]  Perfect, Your Imperial Majesty. She will give us no trouble.

  [Catherine hands him his wig] 

  Count Lestoq : Your Highness.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Someday I'll have every doctor thrown out of the country. And now, Catherine, before you go to your rooms, is there any wish I can grant you?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : I would like to see the grand duke.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : [Grand Duke Peter enters with his entourage]  That's a fine way to receive your bride. I suppose you had more important things to do. I told you to be here on time. Now go on! Kiss each other!

  [He kisses Catherine] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Now remember, Catherine, the first child must be a boy. That's why we had you brought here - to provide Russia with an heir to the throne. A fine, bouncing, healthy heir. You understand me, Catherine?

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : We must make you very beautiful, Catherine, very, very beautiful so that my nephew will fall in love with you. I expect you two to behave like lovebirds so that Russia will have an heir to the throne. And remember, Catherine, I want a boy, not a girl. Nothing less than a boy will do. We don't want any more women on the throne.

  Princess Johanna Elizabeth : But, Your Imperial Majesty, what would we have done if you had been born a boy?

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : I would have had much less trouble in Russia if I'd been born a man instead of a woman. We women are too much creatures of the heart. Aren't we, Catherine?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Yes, Your Majesty.

• Count Alexei : Your Imperial Majesty, before the bridal pair retire, I wish to propose a toast to Her Imperial Highness, the Grand Duchess Catherine. May our new bride from far away be forever happy and learn to know the love we have in our Russian hearts for her, and the hope this vast, imperishable empire has for an heir to the throne.

  [Trumpets sound as the toast is drunk and glasses smashed on the floor] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : [the Empress places a string of pearls around Catherine's neck]  You have made me very happy today, Catherine, and I hope that you will continue to make me happy.

  [Catherine kisses her hand. The Empress picks up a bone and holds it like a scepter] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Now I'm going to bed. I'm very tired. And I know that most of you are -

  [She replaces the bone with her scepter] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Are also very tired.

• Servant : The pig, Your Majesty!

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Well, put it down and don't make so much fuss about it. The way you handle that pig, you'd think it was the only one in Russia.

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You look exhausted, Paul. What's the matter?

  Narcissus : I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I'm tired. My wife gave birth to a child, yesterday.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Boy or girl?

  Narcissus : A boy, beloved empress.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : What the wife of a guard can do should certainly be easy for a grand duchess. Remind me to give you a purse of gold tomorrow. Those of you who have boys in your families, raise your hand. Exactly what I thought! A few more like you and Russia need never worry about her enemies.

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : What the devil do you mean, poking holes in my bedroom?

  Grand Duke Peter : I... I wanted to watch my wife.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : [She slaps him]  Watching your wife won't give you an heir to the throne. The next time I catch you providing my rooms with needless ventilation, I'll have you flogged. I'll catch my death of a draft someday! Now go back to your rooms and wait for your wife! Go on!

  [to Catherine] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : This is all your fault. I had hoped by bringing you to Russia to make a man of that half-wit!

  Countess Elizabeth 'Lizzie' : I'm sorry to intrude, Your Imperial Majesty, but I think the grand duke dropped one of his soldiers in here.

  [Catherine hands her a toy soldier] 

  Countess Elizabeth 'Lizzie' : Thank you. Good night.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Wait a minute. Come here. How long have you been at this court, picking up soldiers?

  Countess Elizabeth 'Lizzie' : Two years and a half, Your Imperial Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : I fail to recall your exact duties here, Countess Elizabeth.

  Countess Elizabeth 'Lizzie' : I'm in charge of the entertainment for His Imperial Highness, the grand duke.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : And exactly how far is it to your home, Lizzie?

  Countess Elizabeth 'Lizzie' : My ancestral home is in the province of Astrakhan, about two weeks' journey from Moscow.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Not as far as I had hoped. I think His Imperial Highness has been entertained long enough. Do you understand me? I don't want to see you around here again. Now get out.

  [Countess Elizabeth exits] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : She won't snoop around here anymore. I should have thrown her out before I had you brought here. Come here, Catherine. Sit down. Haven't you given me trouble enough? Are you going to behave like an obedient wife, or must I continue to treat you like a stubborn child?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : I don't care what you do with me.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You might change your mind about that. You're in love with His Excellency, Count Alexei, aren't you?

  Princess Sophia Frederica : No, Your Majesty, I'm not. I'm not.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : It's a good thing you're not. I wouldn't advise you to become my rival.

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Rival? What does Your Majesty mean?

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You'll find out soon enough. In the meantime, you can blow out the candles. Before you retire, you can be of one more service. Behind my mirror, a concealed passage will lead you down a flight of stairs to another door. Behind that door you will find someone waiting to come up. I don't want him to see you, so be careful.

  Princess Sophia Frederica : Good night, Your Majesty.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Good night, Catherine. And you don't need to report for duty until late tomorrow.

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : What's this, Alexei? Sending notes to the grand duchess? Do you want me to send you into exile? Or shall I tell the grand duchess that you're a notorious heartbreaker, and have broken every woman's heart in this court, including mine?

  Count Alexei : You're very flattering tonight, Your Imperial Majesty, but the note contains nothing of importance.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Then suppose you read it.

  Count Alexei : We are all very much disturbed by your conduct and wish you would change your behavior so that Her Gracious Majesty might forgive you.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Who else can read here? You read it, Catherine. I know you can read because my reports say you foolishly spend your time in bed reading books!

  Princess Sophia Frederica : "We are all very much upset at, uh... at... and hope you will behave better, so that you may be forgiven by the empress."

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Send for the chancellor.

  [In an adjoining room, Grand Duke Peter, assisted by Countess Elizabeth Varonsoff, starts to drill a hole in the wall] 

  Chancelor Alexei Bestuchef : Your Imperial Majesty?

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Read this for me.

  Chancelor Alexei Bestuchef : "You must help me to see you alone again. You are being watched so closely that all my efforts to meet you for a few precious seconds are in vain."

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : So, you're up to your old tricks again. And right under my nose too. Well, forget about her. She's reserved for my nephew and being taught how to earn his love first before wasting her favors on others.

  [to the chancellor] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Go on back to your dinner, it's the first time you've been of use to me in a year.

  [to Catherine] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : And as for you, look after my friends and see that they're fed well. Did you hear what I said?

  [the men at the table stand] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Sit down, you fools, or I'll send you to Siberia. She may be a grand duchess to the rest of the world, but in here she's being taught how to be a Russian wife!

  [Grand Duke Peter and Countess Elizabeth Varonsoff watch through the hole as Catherine doles out soup] 

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : So, this is the mother. You've raised a pretty child.

  Princess Johanna Elizabeth : Your Imperial Majesty, I've come to lay at your feet feelings of the deepest gratitude for the benefactions which your bounty has heaped upon my house, and of which many instances are given me at every step I take into your Majesty's realms.

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Tush, tush! A pretty speech. What I have done is nothing in comparison with what I shall do.

• Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : You want to know why I sent your mother away. Well, I'll tell you why. I sent your mother away because she didn't bring you up properly. I was told you were an obedient, respectful child. Well, you're nothing of the sort! Why do you think I had you brought from Germany? To give you these pearls? Or to make you a grand duchess of the Holy Russian Empire? I had you brought here to be an obedient wife and to supply my country with a much-needed heir to the throne.

  [rings a bell] 

  Empress Elizabeth Petrovna : Take Her Imperial Highness, the grand duchess, and turn her over to my mistress of the robes with the instructions that from this minute on she's to be attached to my personal staff where I can keep her under my eye, where I can educate her and teach her what it means to be a Russian wife and how to accept the embraces of a husband like a Russian wife! Now, get out, both of you. I have a war on my hands.