The Devil Is a Woman (1935)

Edward Everett Horton: Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito'

Quotes 

• Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Gentlemen, I'm going to be brief. Tomorrow the carnival begins. Unfortunately, every crook within a thousand miles, every political offender and exile, will try to take advantage of the masquerade. If you catch a man stealing... shoot him. Less trouble afterwards. But I want no useless arrests. Last year, the jail and the hospital were a disgraceful sight. I definitely do not want any interference with the people's pleasures. And if you must make one or two arrests, because you will not listen to me, then make them, but no more. Dismissed.

• Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : I hope it provided you both with amusement to know that I still love her. Leave town, Antonio, before I lose my temper and call the police.

  Antonio Galvan : I wouldn't put anything beyond you now. All you wanted was to keep me out of your preserves. I'm going to stay now, in spite of your petty jealousy.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Call it what you like, I'm not going to lose her.

  Concha Perez : How can you lose what you never possessed?

  Antonio Galvan : I used to have a lot of respect for you, Pasqual, but you're behaving like a fool.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : You young puppy. How are you talk like that!

  [Pasqual slaps Antonio] 

  Antonio Galvan : We were friends, Pasqual. I'll forget the blow.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Your new victim, Concha, is a coward.

  Concha Perez : I don't think he is.

  Antonio Galvan : You know better than to think me a coward. And if you can find any friends to act as your second, I'll be very happy to discuss that point with them at the hotel tomorrow morning.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Weapons?

  Antonio Galvan : Pistols.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Reading the cards is one of her virtues I forgot to tell you about.

  [He tucks the queen of hearts in a plant, walks to the far end of the room, and shoots at the card. Pasqual and Antonio leave in the ensuing chaos] 

  Policeman : [as screaming partygoers rush to and fro, some fleeing, others trying to see what happened, a policeman enters]  Who fired the shot?

  Antonio Galvan : Was there a shot?

  Policeman : This card belongs to your deck, doesn't it?

  [the queen of hearts has a bullet hole in the center of one of the corner hearts] 

• Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : [the governor addresses the police force]  Well, gentlemen, you've done it. I hope you're pleased. No consideration for me.

  [to Alphonso] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Close your umbrella. It's not raining anymore.

  [to the police] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : The carnival is over. But not for me. I told you to be careful with your arrests, and what have you done? Turned this peaceful jail into a madhouse. There, gentlemen, is the direct result of listening to my plea.

  [the prisoners make noise] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Stop them. Tear their masks off. Take their tin horns away. Remove every vestige of this nerve-shattering carnival. Go! What are you waiting for? I'll teach 'em to behave!

  [the police and Alphonso rush to obey his orders] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Alphonso? Alphonso! Alphonso!

  [Alphonso approaches, covered with streamers and holding several balloons] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Let those balloons go. Order my carriage. I want to go home and get some sleep!

  Duel Informant : Your Excellency?

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Who are you? I've had just about enough of this. Take off your mask.

  Duel Informant : Come at once. By this time, he may be dead. Perhaps they're both dead.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Who may be dead by this time? Make yourself clear.

  Duel Informant : A duel.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : A duel?

  Duel Informant : They wanted me to drive them. But I said no!

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : [It starts raining heavily]  To arms! Guns! Horses!

  [to Alphonso] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Why don't you put up your umbrellas? It's raining!

  [Alphonso opens the umbrella above himself. The governor rips it out of his hand and exits] 

• Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Here! Where are you going?

  Concha Perez : Good morning, Paquitito.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Oh. I should have known. You're the only woman in town worth fighting for. I'm sorry, Concha. I'll have to arrest this gallant gentleman.

  [to the police] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Arrest him, I said! Take him away!

  [to Concha] 

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : If only you knew how willingly I'd exchange places with either one of them for your smile.

  Concha Perez : Do you still like me, Paquito?

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : Concha, I haven't slept for seventy-two hours. This carnival has been purgatory. I'm about to go home to my wife, which does not make my condition more pleasant. But if you smile at me once more I shall nevertheless be in heaven.

  Concha Perez : Go home to your wife, Paquito. I, too, haven't slept. Maybe we can meet tomorrow.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : I dream of the moment. Every profession has its compensations, even mine.

• Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : How's the patient, Doctor? Not serious, I hope. It is my wish that the whole affair blow over.

  Dr. Mendez : There are some things beyond even your wish, Don Paquito.

• Concha Perez : Farewell, Paquito. I might have loved you.

  Gov. Don Paquito 'Paquitito' : You can have your two passports. I'll hush up the affair too. You're a magnificent woman, Concha. Let it never be said of Don Paquito that he didn't know how to value beauty!