- Helen: You know, Peter and I are engaged to be married.
- Francey: Oh, is that so?
- Helen: Not that I think knowing that would make a big difference to you.
- Francey: Well, no.
- Helen: You see, Peter needs protection against a certain type of woman.
- Francey: Oh, I could work on that.
- Helen: Now, are you going to mind your own businesses, or must I really give you a piece of my mind?
- Francey: Oh, I couldn't take the last piece.
- [the female fisticuffs begin after this, with Helen slapping Francey]
- Hattie - Maid at Prom Dance: If my husband wouldn't let me smoke, I'd find me a way to get me a husband that would.
- Francey: It depends on which you enjoy the most.
- Francey: I think she's wonderful.
- Keith Morgan: She is. She was my favorite aunt before she married my uncle.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, sweetheart. Here we are arguing in public and nobody even knows we're married.
- Francey: It's good, we can't even quarrel in public, because you won't tell them we're married.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: On the other hand, if we want to quarrel in public, why shouldn't we quarrel in public?
- Francey: Well, all married people quarrel in public; because, it's one of the nice things about being married!
- Francey: [singing] So you've forgotten all the thrills we knew, But, wait the day will come to you, And when your heart is broken too, You'll be reminded of me...
- Francey: You could let me say something. I'd like to make an impression too.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, well, you don't have to say anything.
- Francey: No?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: No. You speak for yourself - and very elegantly too!
- Henpecked Husband Shaving on Train: I wish you had a mother to go back to.
- Nagging Wife of Man Shaving on Train: I wish I had another husband to go back to.
- Henpecked Husband Shaving on Train: All right, all right. I'll get you one at the next station.
- Martha Morgan: May I have a cigarette?
- Francey: Your heart!
- Martha Morgan: Oh, nonsense.
- Francey: Peter told me you had heart trouble.
- Martha Morgan: Oh, well, maybe I do have heart trouble - when it's convenient. Whenever my husband raises his voice, oh my dear, it saves so much wear and tear and you don't have to listen to a lot of boring details about running a university. They bring in your meals in bed. It's quiet and love - it's lovely! Why, I've spent the best years of my married life - in bed with heart trouble.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Do you think things out carefully?
- Francey: Things? Oh, what things?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Just - things.
- Francey: You mean small things or important things?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, everything.
- Francey: Well, if they're small things, I never do; but, for important things, I never do either.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Well, I think you ought to think them out. Because, a bunch of times the small things develop into very important things.
- Francey: Yes, but you just think things out and they happen anyhow.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Well, you mean, they're some things you just can't control, huh?
- Francey: I don't think you can control anything!
- [leans up, gives Peter a quick kiss on the lips, turns around, rushes inside]
- Francey: Hey! What are you tryin' to do? Lose me?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, no. Oh, I'm never gonna lose you.
- Francey: You better not. It took a day to happen, I'm in love with you for always.
- Francey: Peter, what does a professor's wife have to do? I meant to ask you yesterday.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, mostly just keep the professor happy, that's all.
- Francey: Who's that?
- Keith Morgan: That's Helen. Just the girl he's engaged to.
- Francey: Why, he's a bigamist.
- Keith Morgan: Only in the second degree. She's something the old man whipped up. You know, blue blood, black tongue, thoroughbred.
- Culpepper - Teaching Assistant: Botany is really the romance of life - and before you're through with this class, you'll never again want to walk on a blade of grass.
- Francey: Is that so?
- Culpepper - Teaching Assistant: Well, yeah, honey. Plants are just like us! At first they're playfully young and then they grow up and become a little more serious. If you know what I mean.
- Martha Morgan: Oh, New York will be so much fun!
- Francey: So many gay places.
- Martha Morgan: We can go where we want to.
- Francey: And do what we want to.
- Martha Morgan: And wear what we want to - without any husbands to...
- Francey: To watch out after us.
- Martha Morgan: To bother us.
- Peter Morgan, Sr.: That car, in the bluebook value, is into $200.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Yeah, well the bluebook value of my wife is a little more than $200 and I'm not going to trade her in, either.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Dad, it looks as though you have a decision to make.
- Peter Morgan, Sr.: Well, what do you suggest?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: I just suggest that you decide what you want most: your high horse or your wife.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, darling, how did you get here?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: A honeymoon without a husband is sort of silly, don't you think?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Forms from a single, delicate cell. Is that clear now?
- Miss Barton - Botany Student: Yes, Professor. But, I still don't understand, in the reproduction of ferns, which mature's first: the male or the female.
- Francey: Some drunk does it every night. Oh, I don't mean that I think that you're swacked.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: I beg your pardon?
- Francey: I said, I don't mean that I think you're - tight.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Well, I'm not intoxicated.
- Francey: No kidding?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: No! No.
- Francey: Did you like my dance?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Well, you were singing when I came in.
- Francey: Oh, you didn't see my dance? Where a wear the little thing with the sequins?
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: No.
- Francey: Oh, I'm sorry! That's the best number I do! Oh, I want you to see it.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Why?
- Francey: Oh, it's a great number.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: Oh, is that so?
- Francey: It's terrific.
- Peter Morgan, Jr.: You're good!
- Francey: Sure, I'm good!
- Nagging Wife of Man Shaving on Train: Every time I take trip with you, something always happens.
- Henpecked Husband Shaving on Train: Is that so?
- Nagging Wife of Man Shaving on Train: And I guess when I don't take a trip with you, something happens!
- Henpecked Husband Shaving on Train: You don't say?
- Nagging Wife of Man Shaving on Train: Oh, you needn't get smart. I know what I'm married to. You haven't fooled me. Not for a minute! But, I don't care!
- Henpecked Husband Shaving on Train: Now, look here, why can't you be a nice baby and keep quiet? Before I pin your big ears back!
- Peter Morgan, Sr.: Peter, the Student Council meets this afternoon. As a member of the Advisory Committee, you're going to be there, of course. Furthermore, we're having the usual Spring difficulties between our male and female students, a little early this season. Too much fraternizing in the lockers.
- Francey: [Helen slaps Francey] Now, what did you do that for? I'm only gonna have to hit you right back.
- [Francey slaps Helen]
- Helen: Why you contemptible little blonde! How dare you slap me! You can't get away with that! Who do you think you are?
- [Helen slaps Francey]
- Helen: There! And that's one for you and there's plenty more where that came from. And I won't keep still. I won't! I won't! I won't!
- [Francey slaps Helen]
- Helen: How dare you! How dare you! You can't do that to me! I won't keep still! I won't! I won't!
- [Francey slaps Helen]
- Helen: I just told you, you can't do that to me! Stop shhhing! I won't keep quiet! I don't care who hears! I don't care if the whole Club hears me!
- [Helen kicks Francey]
- Francey: Ow! Oooo!
- [Helen kicks Francey again]
- Francey: All right, put 'em up.
- Martha Morgan: Don't stop now!
- [practicing her newly learned dance moves]
- Martha Morgan: Praise Allah! Praise Allah. Praise Allah! Praise Allah. Praise...