Mr. Washington Goes to Town (1941)

Mantan Moreland: Schenectady Jones

Quotes 

• Schenectady Jones : They tell me that it rains so much out there that Noah's ghost had to come back to show 'em how to build an ark.

• Wallingford : Mahatma Gandhi, you know, he went over a hundred days without eatin' once.

  Schenectady Jones : How come?

  Wallingford : He was fastin'.

  Schenectady Jones : Fastin'?

  Wallingford : Yeah.

  Schenectady Jones : Oh, man, that would slow me up.

• Schenectady Jones : Boy, am I hongry.

  Wallingford : Hungry? Boy, you done eat two hours ago.

  Schenectady Jones : My stomach ain't got no memory.

• Wallingford : Did you ever hear of Mahatma Gandhi?

  Schenectady Jones : Mahatma Who-de?

• Wallingford : Eatin'. Eatin'. Don't you never think of nuthin' but eatin'?

  Schenectady Jones : Almost never. You know that eatin' is the fondest thing that I is of.

• Wallingford : A mortgage is like this: you own the house or a hotel. Then there's a man who has a piece of paper that says you don't own it, can you buys the paper off of him.

  Schenectady Jones : Oh, I own it and I don't own it.

  Wallingford : That's right, till you buy the paper.

  Schenectady Jones : Well, supposin' I don't buy the paper?

  Wallingford : Then he owns the hotel.

  Schenectady Jones : And I own the paper?

  Wallingford : No, no. He owns 'em both.

  Schenectady Jones : And I own nuthin'?

  Wallingford : That's right.

• Schenectady Jones : What Mahatma proved was that the cravin' for food is in the head.

  Wallingford : Well, for him it might be in the head; but, for me, it's in the stomach.

• Schenectady Jones : Just imagine owin' your own hotel. Wouldn't that be somethin'. 52 Rooms.

  Wallingford : 52 chambermaids.

  Schenectady Jones : A dinin' room a whole block square.

  Wallingford : 52 waitresses.

  Schenectady Jones : A big barber shop with 42 chairs.

  Wallingford : 52 manicurists.

  Schenectady Jones : Jest imagine, wouldn't that be somethin'.

  Wallingford : 52 - somethin's.

• Schenectady Jones : Howdy do. Can I be of any resistance to you?

• Man with Gorilla : How would you like to see your name out in front of a great big theater, blazing in lights, with beautiful, rich, well-dressed women fighting over you every night?

  Schenectady Jones : That don't sound bad, Señor Ita. What's the catch?

  Man with Gorilla : There is no catch. It just calls for a little matter of bravery and no brains.

  Schenectady Jones : Now, that sounds like me. What does I do?

• Lady Queenie : Queenie's the name. I'm a beautician.

  Schenectady Jones : You don't say so. You is a Beautician? How you like America?

  Lady Queenie : Oh, just fine.

  Schenectady Jones : How's everything over is Beauticia? Has they got into the war yet?

• Old Maid : [on the phone]  A man came in my room and hugged the breath right out of my body.

  Schenectady Jones : He did? Who was it?

  Old Maid : I didn't get a good look at him. But, he had on a long fur coat.

  Schenectady Jones : Don't worry, lady, I'll find him and throw him right out of this hotel.

  Old Maid : Well, I hope you do find him. But, if you're going to do any throwing, throw him back in here.

• Schenectady Jones : Wallingford! Doggone it! You scared a mouthful of Sundays out of me.

• Schenectady Jones : Instead of actin' like a monkey, you done started to smellin' like one.

• Schenectady Jones : I got some thinkin' to do. Gangway! And I got to do some thinkin' fast too!

• Wallingford : Is you got the money?

  Schenectady Jones : If hotels was sellin' for a dime a dozen, I couldn't buy birdseeds for a cuckoo clock.

• Schenectady Jones : Jumpin' catfish!