Road to Zanzibar (1941)
Bob Hope: Fearless Hubert Frazier
Photos
Quotes
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Chuck Reardon : Everybody knows him. He's a philathropist.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : I don't care who he votes for. I want my money.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : [Cannibal burps] Must've been someone he ate.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : [as they are about to leave with the villan] We're going with them...
Chuck Reardon : We're going with them...
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier , Chuck Reardon : We're going with them.
[an understanding look]
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier , Chuck Reardon : [starting the routine] Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man. Bake a cake as fast as you...
[both are hit on the head by a goon. The two fall]
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : He must've seen the picture!
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[Donna watches, naked, in the lagoon, hidden by the plants, after Fearless and Chuck surmise she's been eaten by leopards]
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Maybe you oughta say a few words, huh?
Chuck Reardon : Yeah.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : A poem would be nice.
Chuck Reardon : You know any poems?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Me?
[Fearless' recitation 'The Shooting of Dan McGrew' 1913 by Robert W Service]
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : "A bunch of the boys were whooping it up at the malamute saloon, and the kid that was playing... "
Chuck Reardon : No.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Don't fit?
Chuck Reardon : [Chuck's recitation 'The Face On The Barroom Floor' 1872 by John Henry Titus] "'Twas a balmy summer's evening, and a goodly crowd was there... "
Chuck Reardon : [Fearless taps Chuck on the shoulder and shakes his head] No?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : There must be other poems.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Wait. Do we know what we're doing?
Chuck Reardon : No, but come on.
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Chuck Reardon : We have to be careful how we aim this instrument, folks. Last week, we were just two feet off line and we sunk the S.S. Idaho.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : We went right through "Ida" and there wasn't much left of "ho. "
Chuck Reardon : Oh, yo ho.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Wrestle an octopus?
Chuck Reardon : Yes!
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Me? Those things are murderous. That ain't spaghetti he's waving, you know. Besides, they're poison. They spit ink.
Chuck Reardon : That's all the better. You can wrestle it and write home at the same time.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Look, we've been kicking around the world for five years now. Always two jumps ahead of trouble and I'm homesick. I wanna get back to Birch Falls and my relief checks. So, if you don't mind...
Chuck Reardon : Yeah, you'll wind up back there in Barney Dean's Beanery blowing up bloodwurst.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Five grand? Half that dough is mine! It took years! I killed myself to get it - four times!
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Chuck Reardon : Now, look. Look here, Junior. We've been through a lot together since we were kids. We've been through thick and thin. I never figured it was your dough or my dough. I thought everything belonged to both of us. It was share and share alike.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Well, what about that blonde in Brooklyn?
Chuck Reardon : Oh, you didn't want a share of her. You wanted to be the whole corporation.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Yeah, you wound up as the holding company.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : This must be the nowhere that everyone is always 500 miles from.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Why did you have to hop us on a boat going the wrong way?
Chuck Reardon : Listen. With those two guys after us, I'd have hopped on a mud turtle if it'd been moving.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : You're not gonna go for that crying dame routine. They want to wipe their eyes on your bankroll. Let's get out of here.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : What are we doing going off into a jungle with a couple of dames? As soon as it gets dark, they'll start hanging unto our necks and screaming - or vice versa.
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Chuck Reardon : Did I sell Lebec the mine or did you?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : You bought it, didn't you? Or I wouldn't have had it, would I? If I didn't have it, I couldn't have sold it, could I? And if I didn't sell it, we wouldn't be here, would we? I don't get it.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : You kill me. She gives you a big hunk of that baby stare and right away you're reaching into your pocket for my dough.
Chuck Reardon : What else were we going to do? The poor kid was crying so hard she could hardly talk. An American girl too! Where's your red, white and blue blood?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Yeah, well I ain't waving it every time I see a big pair of brown eyes.
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Donna Latour : How did you know?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Oh, I know what girls are thinking better than they do themselves.
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Chuck Reardon : [singing] Whenever it's early twilight, I watch 'til a star breaks through, It's funny, it's not a star I see, It's always you... Come in, Fearless... Wherever you
Chuck Reardon , Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Are you're near me, You dare me to be untrue
Chuck Reardon : It's funny
Chuck Reardon , Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Each time I fall in love, It's always you
Donna Latour : If a breeze caresses me, It's really you...
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Leave it all to me. I'll handle the whole thing.
Donna Latour : Oh, Fearless, you're a darling.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Yeah, I know.
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Thonga : Mr. Frazier, bwana.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : I don't wanna bwana.
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Donna Latour : [kiss] Thank you, Fearless. Are you coming?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Not until my toes uncurl.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Where do you think those dames are from?
Chuck Reardon : Where?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Brooklyn!
Chuck Reardon : No!
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : And they did it to us!
Chuck Reardon : Oy vey!
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Well, what're we gonna do about it?
Chuck Reardon : We'll have her dodgin' all the way back to Brooklyn!
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : How do you like that? Wouldn't you think she'd come crawling on her hands and knees, begging us to forgive her?
Chuck Reardon : Instead of that, she runs out on us. All we did was tell her to. Isn't that a woman for you every time?
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Chuck Reardon : Now, listen. Don't nix this thing until you've heard it. It might be the biggest idea I've ever had. You come out beautifully gowned, drenched in sequins and spangles. You flex your muscles a couple of times and there you are: Mademoiselle Frazier, the bearded lady.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Bearded lady?
Chuck Reardon : Yeah!
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Are you kidding?
Chuck Reardon : No.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : You think I want those sailors chasing me? No, sir!
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Chuck Reardon : Fearless, not now. We have to rise above these petty things.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Yeah. When I think what she did to us, it's so hard to rise.
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Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Say, who built this?
Chuck Reardon : I don't know. It wasn't beavers.
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Chuck Reardon : Boy, you're a riot. Fearless Frazier, the great profile, huh?
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : Not bad from the side, either.
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Chuck Reardon : Say, you know, it's not bad stuff. Piper-Heidsieck '28.
Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier : [pointing to female performer on stage] Yeah, but pipe her heidsieck.
French Soubrette : [singing] Si vous voulez voir, la ville avec moi, Un taxi nous attendra...