- Paul Dresser: Look. If you don't like my act, why don't you get out of here.
- Fred Haviland: Like it? Why, you're the hit of the show.
- Sally Elliott: It's one of the funniest acts I ever saw.
- Paul Dresser: Funny? What's funny about it?
- Sally Elliott: Wasn't it?
- Paul Dresser: You know very well it wasn't, nobody else was laughing.
- Sally Elliott: But there was two pianos. And that suit. What could you expect?
- Paul Dresser: What's wrong with my suit?
- Sally Elliott: It's all right if you can stand the noise.
- Mr. Dreiser: [to Paul] You're going to theological school tomorrow - and you're going in "that suit!"
- Fred Haviland: Funny thing about geniuses. You always hear of them burning in an attic. But you always see them burning in the brightest places in town.
- Sally Elliott: No matter what you think, he's just as serious about his work as he ever was. Why, he has a wonderful melody, and he wants to put words to it. It's an idea about his home on the banks of the Wabash.
- Pat Hawley: [snorts] "Banks of the Wabash." Farm stuff. Who cares anything about farms? Who ever heard of the Wabash? But if it's a good tune, we might change it to the Hudson.
- [after tearing up Sally Elliot's wardrobe with a pair of scissors, Paul Dresser is arrested and thrown in jail]
- Jail Cell Inmate: Whatcha in for, fella?
- Paul Dresser: I'm Jack the Ripper.
- Mae Collins: That's the asthma cure the Colonel's making now. For rheumatism they leave out the sugar.
- Mae Collins: Good morning. Feeling better?
- Paul Dresser: Good morning, Miss Collins. I feel kinda sore. My skin hurts.
- Mae Collins: Oh. Oh, you'll be all right.
- Paul Dresser: I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you've done for me.
- Mae Collins: Oh, forget it. Who can tell? I may need you to take the tar off me someday.
- Paul Dresser: Oh, I'd like to! I mean, I'd like to be able to do something for you in return.
- Mae Collins: I got him to give you a job, too.
- Paul Dresser: Why, he hasn't even heard me play. How does he know if I'm any good or not?
- Mae Collins: That doesn't matter. If you're not a good musician, you can always pound steaks.
- Mae Collins: Bashful, aren't you?
- Paul Dresser: No, of course not.
- Mae Collins: What's the matter? Don't you like me?
- Paul Dresser: Sure, I like you! I...
- Mae Collins: Haven't you ever kissed a girl before?
- Paul Dresser: Sure! Sure, it's just that I - well, I didn't want you to think I was fresh, that's all.
- Mae Collins: Well?
- [Mae leans down and kisses Paul]
- Mae Collins: Do you feel better now?
- Paul Dresser: Gee, I sure do.
- Col. Truckee: The Kickapoo Indian Remedy Medicine - it cures everything: rheumatism, consumption, yellow fever, black fever, scarlet fever, measles, blues, cuts, scars, dandruff! Here it is folks. One dollar a bottle. My red friends will pass amongst you and sell this wonderful product for a dollar a bottle. And remember folks, one dollar a bottle. One dollar a bottle. Buy while you have the opportunity.
- Fred Haviland: I don't seem to remember Mr. Dresser billed in Chicago while we were playing there.
- Sally Elliott: We never got down to the stockyards.
- "Belles of Broadway" Chorus: [singing] On the gay white way, It's so exciting, That the night turns to day, And every little Miss, Likes a little mischief, On the gay white way...
- Sally Elliott: [singing] I'm the toast of the town, In my Paris gown, A little naughty, But nice, If I seem rather gay, Little girls they say, Are made of sugar, And spice...
- Sally Elliott: [singing] On the gay white way, Invite your girlie, To the the gay white way, It's always early for the lights are glowing, Wine is flowing, They do a lot of Romeoing, On the gay white way...
- Pat Hawley: McGuiness, how many times have I told you never to drink when you're on the job?
- McGuiness: Oh, I'd say about - ten thousand.
- Fred Haviland: You may not know it Sally, but, this is a great occasion. One year ago tonight, I became your Producer - and your most devoted slave.
- Sally Elliott: Fred, you're a darling.
- Fred Haviland: [referring to Paul Dresser] He's a fine composer and we certainly do need good music.
- Sally Elliott: Of course, he may not have time to drop in on us. I understand he's taken to personally closing all the saloons in town.
- Fred Haviland: Well, the heat of the limelight's made him a little thirsty. He's young and - growing.
- Sally Elliott: Particularly his head.
- Dinner Guest: Well, do we drink to something or do we just drink?
- Fred Haviland: A toast - to the toast of New York. A girl who sparkles like champagne and takes the cake as soon as we finish the champagne.
- [privately to Sally]
- Fred Haviland: You know, Sally, that candle isn't just to celebrate our first year together, it's sort of a pale imitation of the bonfire in my heart.
- Sally Elliott: That's the second pretty speech you've made in one minute.
- Fred Haviland: Wait till you hear the third. If you make the right answer, that will call for a much larger cake.
- Sally Elliott: You know how much I like cake.
- Sally Elliott: Ida? Ida?
- Paul Dresser: Oh, I've taken the liberty of giving her the evening off.
- Sally Elliott: You take a lot of liberties, don't you.
- Sally Elliott: I wanted to have a party for each song when it came out. When you write two at once, what can I do?
- Paul Dresser: At this rate, it won't be long before we'll have to have a bigger cake.
- [takes Sally's hand]
- Fred Haviland: And you know how much Sally likes cake.
- [takes Sally's other hand]
- Sally Elliott: This is the last cake you'll get from me. The next one you'll get in your face!
- Paul Dresser: Sally, I...
- Sally Elliott: And as for the candles, you can burn them at your wake, as far as I'm concerned.
- Tailor: Striking, very striking! It's a pleasure to make clothes for someone with a figure like your's, Mr. Dresser.
- Countess Rossini's Maid: You will be sure you will not forget?
- Sally Elliott: Never! Not if I live to be 90.
- Policeman: You're still - a sort of on probation, Mr. Dresser. You can't come out until you write a song called a - a song called, "Banks of the Wabash."
- Paul Dresser: Any particular key you'd like me to write it in?
- Policeman: Well, I don't know about that. Just so it's something that Miss Elliot can sing. She fixed this with the judge.
- Paul Dresser: Oh, the judge is a conniver?
- Policeman: No, a Democrat.
- Pat Hawley: You know, Fred, nice fellas like us never get any where with women. It's always the hounds that get the gravy.
- Sally Elliott: Good night, Mr. Dresser, sweetheart.
- Paul Dresser: Good night?
- Sally Elliott: You know, that's what people say when they're leaving each other for the evening.
- Paul Dresser: Well, who's leaving?
- Sally Elliott: You are. Kiss me good night, darling.
- Paul Dresser: I'll be hanged if I will! Well, I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I thought you were going to act like this.
- Sally Elliott: You'll never get out of it now. Pleasant dreams.
- [seductively]
- Sally Elliott: Good night.
- [steps inside and closes the door]
- Paul Dresser: This marriage is going to be complete and permanent.
- Countess Rossini: Permanent? Permanent is a long time.
- Wiley: This is a great novelty song. It got no mush in it. It doesn't mention moon, doesn't mention June, doesn't mention spoon. Ain't much of a tune, either.
- Wiley: I got a little love song I think you'll like. You know, cottage small by a water fall for two sort of a thing. You'll like it.
- Sally Elliott: I don't want to hear any love songs either.
- Wiley: Oh, but, you'll love this love song. You ain't against love are you?
- Paul Dresser: That's the lightest, gayest music number you ever heard.
- Pat Hawley: Light, huh? Gay? Maybe it does you good to have your heart broken. Maybe you ought to have it broken every week. We'd be rich.
- Wiley: [singing] They called her frivolous Sal, A peculiar sort of a gal, With a heart that was mellow, An all 'round good fellow, was my old pal.
- "My Gal Sal" Chorus: [singing] Your troubles, sorrows and care; She was always willing to share; A wild sort of devil, But dead on the level, Was My Gal Sal!
- Fred Haviland: [Referring to the single candle atop a party cake] That candle is a pale imitation of the bonfire in my heart!