- Doctor: Mrs McDoakes, you'd better keep an eye on your husband - it's going to be a long, hard grind, you know.
- Joe McDoakes: [on a gurney] Is this a good hospital? Doc, did you sterilize your hands? Do you have plenty of towels and hot water?
- [first lines]
- Narrator: If you don't already recognize this guy, it's happy Joe McDoakes. Happy? Well he has an apartment, then why is he acting like a fugitive? Because in certain circles Joe is social poison, even known as the meanest man in town. In fact there isn't a single member of the bubblegum society who has a decent thing to say about it. He hates kids and the kids hate him. And it's been that way ever since he turned them in for selling lemonade without a license.