- Judy Howard: Do you mind telling me what it is you want?
- Lord Richard: Well, need we go into that? It's a bit sordid.
- Judy Howard: Really? Well, I'd still like to know, if I'm not being too inquisitive.
- Lord Richard: Oh, of course not, no. Well, shall we say, um, a fiver a week and every other Thursday?
- Judy Howard: What?
- Judy Howard: Well, you're sure this is the house you meant to come to?
- Lord Richard: Well, I really didn't mean to. I should say it's more fate. The lines are drawn and bingo.
- Judy Howard: Would you excuse me a moment?
- Lord Richard: Anything I can do?
- Judy Howard: [Nervously retreats backwards] Oh no, no. Stay just where you are.
- Lord Richard: Well, you will pass this way again, won't you?
- Judy Howard: Oh, yes, yes.
- [She turns and walks into Perkins who's just come into the room]
- Judy Howard: Perkins, there's a raving madman there and he said that you let him in. Would you please let him out again?
- Perkins: Oh, that isn't a madman, Miss Judy. That's Richard. He's applied for the position of footman here.
- Judy Howard: Footman? Ha, ha, ha, ha!
- Perkins: Of course, he isn't very highly trained, miss.
- Judy Howard: So I've noticed.
- Perkins: But he's very bully...
- Lord Richard: Oh, Miss Judy. May I ask you a favor?
- Judy Howard: It depends on what it is.
- Lord Richard: Would you put in a good word for me with the master? That is, if you know the old geezer well enough.
- Judy Howard: I know the old geezer well enough, Richard. I'm his niece.
- Lord Richard: His niece?
- Judy Howard: Yes, his niece.
- Lord Richard: Blimey.
- Kate O'Malley: Young man, you're engaged. But remember this - the first time you trump an ace of mine, you'll fire yourself.
- Lord Richard: Mrs. O'Malley, the first time I trump an ace of yours, I'll shoot myself.
- Kate O'Malley: Good!
- Kate O'Malley: There's no doubt about it, but that Richard's a diamond of many great facets.
- Judy Howard: Oh, you've discovered that too, have you Kate?
- Judy Howard: It's a good thing you're not deaf as well as short-sighted, Richard.
- Lord Richard: Yes, but I think around Mr. Maitland I was a little dazzled.
- Judy Howard: I didn't think it was genuine.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Why shouldn't it be?
- Judy Howard: Well, the picture wasn't. I asked Richard.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Who's Richard?
- Judy Howard: The footman.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: It's funny how flying affects one's eardrums, Mildred. I thought she said, "the footman."
- Mildred Howard: She did.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: I suppose I can discharge my staff without the permission of my surviving female relatives.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Hmm. I don't mind Judy marrying blue blood, but I'm not very partial to red ink.
- Borechester butler: Excuse me, my lady. But a new squat of squatters has arrived.
- Lady Borechester: Oh, where are they?
- Borechester butler: In the moat. The drawbridge was up so they're waiting for it to come down again, my lady.
- Lady Borechester: Well, they'll catch their death of cold.
- Perkins: I tremble to think of the evening before us. I must have an aspirin.
- Lord Richard: Make it two.
- Lord Richard: You're very beautiful, if I may say so, Miss Judy.
- Judy Howard: What was that?
- Lord Richard: I said it was a very beautiful evening, miss.
- Judy Howard: Did you?
- Lord Richard: Are you going to marry Borechester?
- Judy Howard: What did you say?
- Lord Richard: What did I say?
- Judy Howard: Well, you said, "Are you going to marry Borechester?"
- Lord Richard: Did I say that? Very impertinent of me.
- Judy Howard: Extremely impertinent.
- Lord Richard: Extremely impertinent. Are you?
- Judy Howard: Richard, will you please tell Perkins I'd like to see him in the dining room to discuss the dinner arrangements.
- Lord Richard: Very good, Miss.
- Basil Maitland: [Speaking with Judy at dinner] So, I said to them, "Forget my looks and charm for once. Give me something I can act." And, so, finally they did. I must say I...
- Lord Richard: [as the footman serving at table, holds out a serving tray] A little ham, sir?
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Judy, I know somebody who wants to buy a typewriter. What will you take for yours?
- [He winks at her]
- Judy Howard: [Winks back] It's not for sale, darling.
- Marquis of Borechester: Judy, I don't want to press you to make up your mind in a hurry, but couldn't you give me some hint as to what your answer will be?
- Lord Richard: [as the butler, holds out a serving tray] Nuts!
- Marquis of Borechester: No, thank you very much. I never touch them.
- Mildred Howard: [Speaking to Judy about Basil Maitland] My dear, he must have a sense of humor. He couldn't get all those parts he does.
- Judy Howard: You can take it from me, mother, he hasn't.
- Mildred Howard: What about his lordship?
- Lord Richard: [Passing them in the opposite direction] Not a glimmer.
- Mildred Howard: What did you say, Richard?
- Lord Richard: I said, I hope you enjoyed your dinner, madam.
- Mildred Howard: Oh, yes, yes, thank you.
- Lord Richard: Do you want some coffee?
- Mildred Howard: No thank you, Richard.
- [He walks off]
- Mildred Howard: Well, I must be mad. I thought he said, "Not a glimmer."
- Judy Howard: He did.
- Mildred Howard: He did?
- Basil Maitland: [Dancing with Judy, he leads them onto the terrace] Oh, a better idea. I get so tired of everyone staring at me.
- Judy Howard: What a bore life must be for you, Basil.
- Basil Maitland: Oh, 'tis.
- Basil Maitland: [after a long phone conversation with a fan, she tells him her name] Rosie?
- Rosie: Yes, I'm the kitchen maid. Richard fixed it for me to talk to you. He thought you looked lonely.
- Rosie: Mr. Maitland, I've got one of your photos. Do you think you could meet me on the back stairs in five minutes to sign it? It's a bit dark there. But Richard says that sometimes that's where a star's born.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: I'm sorry, Mildred, but I've had a belly full of art experts lately.
- Mildred Howard: Oh, dear.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Sorry - I should have said stomach.
- Mildred Howard: Well, of course you should.
- Judy Howard: Are you in the habit of making love to your employer's secretary?
- Lord Richard: No, miss. That was my first experience in that branch of domestic service.
- Judy Howard: Well, perhaps your other employers didn't have secretaries, or did they?
- Lord Richard: Not ones that used that particular kind of perfume, miss.
- Judy Howard: Do you like it?
- Lord Richard: If I may say so, miss, you're making the blotting out process very difficult.
- Judy Howard: Richard, what were you doing before you were a footman?
- Lord Richard: Uh, I was in the Navy.
- Judy Howard: ...but doing what?
- Lord Richard: Being seasick.
- Judy Howard: Richard, why don't you just go to the police and take what's coming to you?
- Lord Richard: The police? What on earth for? I haven't done anything.
- Judy Howard: Oh, well, you've answered that one anyway.
- Lord Richard: I can do better. If I get going, Basil Maitland and the squire, uh, his lordship couldn't touch me.
- Judy Howard: You don't like them, do you?
- Lord Richard: Well, do you?
- Judy Howard: I think that's none of your business.
- Lord Richard: I'm sorry.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: You know, Judy, I mind your happiness more than anything else in the world.
- Judy Howard: I know you do.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Excepting, of course, good sherry and good brandy.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: But how I'd get on without you, I can't imagine.
- Judy Howard: You don't have to.
- Uncle Joshua Howard: I know I don't. But if I saw the right man for you, you'd get your notice the next day.
- Lady Borechester: Oh, George, thank goodness. Where did they find him?
- Marquis of Borechester: Taking part in a boogie-woogie competition...
- Lady Borechester: Oh, how like your father. He was so fond of dancing.
- Marquis of Borechester: I said boogie-woogie, mother - not dancing. And let's leave father out of it.
- Lord Richard: They made a picture. Did you see the picture?
- Uncle Joshua Howard: Yes.
- Lord Richard: Tyrone Power, very handsome fellow...
- Judy Howard: Wasn't in it.
- Lord Richard: Oh, he wasn't in it. It was a tall fellow, I think...
- Judy Howard: [Richard is polishing the floor as Judy was playing the piano] You um, like music, Richard?
- Lord Richard: Yes, miss, especially pretty feet.
- Judy Howard: What did you say?
- Lord Richard: I said, especially that petite suite, miss.
- Judy Howard: Which petite suite?
- Lord Richard: That Petite Suite of Tchaikovsky you were just playing.
- Judy Howard: Oh, mmm. That's what it sounded like?
- Lord Richard: Oh, yes, vaguely, miss, heh, heh.
- Judy Howard: It may have sounded like it, Richard, but it was not the Petite Suite of Tchaikovsky.
- Lord Richard: No, miss?
- Judy Howard: No, Richard.
- Lord Richard: Well, that's how it sounded to me down there where I was.
- [Pointing to the floor beneath the piano]
- Perkins: Well, how are you, my lord? Why are you hear?
- [They've just bumped into each other in from of the lions cage in the London zoo]
- Lord Richard: Well, I thought I was about to be thrown to the lions - I might as well get acquainted.
- Basil Maitland: I can't eat or sleep, but thinking of you. The make-up man is very worried about me.