Studio Stoops (1950)

Shemp Howard: Shemp

Quotes 

• Moe : What's the idea of the three watches?

  Shemp : That's the way I tell time.

  Moe : How do you tell time?

  Shemp : This one is ten minutes slow. This one is twenty minutes fast. The one in the middle is broke; it stopped at two o'clock.

  Moe : Well, how do you tell the time?

  Shemp : I take the ten minutes slow, subtract it from the twenty minutes fast, and divide by the two in the middle.

  Moe : Well, what time is it now?

  [Shemp pulls a fourth watch out of his pocket] 

  Shemp : Oh, it's 9:30.

  Moe : [bonks Shemp on the head]  Why, you...

• Shemp : If you ain't got a gun for me, what did you bring me along for?

  Moe : For bait!

• Shemp : Will I hang on? Do you think I'm silly?

  Telephone Operator : I'm sorry. We cannot give out that kind of information.