How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

Betty Grable: Loco Dempsey

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Quotes 

• Schatze Page : I can't shack up with a dame I never met before and she's crazy too!

  Pola Debevoise : You don't have to, if you don't want to. All I'm going to do is ask her to come up here. If you don't like her, that's the end of it.

  Schatze Page : Is she class?

  Pola Debevoise : Is she? Didn't I tell you she's been on the cover of "Harper's Bazaar" three times already?

  Schatze Page : And she knows how to handle it?

  Pola Debevoise : Well, let's see if she does

  [on the phone] 

  Pola Debevoise : Loc?

  Loco Dempsey : Yes.

  Pola Debevoise : How much money you got?

  Loco Dempsey : I've got a quarter.

  Pola Debevoise : That's wonderful. Stop in on your way up here and pick up something for lunch for us.

  Loco Dempsey : How many?

  Pola Debevoise : Three.

  Loco Dempsey : Okay, just as soon as I get something on.

  [Pola hangs up the phone] 

  Schatze Page : Well there's a big contribution to a million dollar proposition. One whole quarter.

  Pola Debevoise : Maybe, but she's awful clever with a quarter.

• Loco Dempsey : I wouldn't mind marrying a Vanderbilt?

  Pola Debevoise : Or Mr. Cadillac.

  Schatze Page : No such person. I checked.

  Loco Dempsey : Is there a Mr. Texaco?

• Loco Dempsey : You don't think he's a little old?

  Schatze Page : Oh, grow up, will you. Men with that much dough are never a little old.

• Schatze Page : You wanna catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap. All right so we set a bear trap. Now all we gotta do, is one of us has got to catch a bear.

  Loco Dempsey : You mean marry him?

  Schatze Page : If you don't marry him, you haven't caught him, he's caught you.

• Schatze Page : Next thing you got to remember is the gentlemen you meet on the cold cuts may not be as attractive as the one you meet in the mink department at Bergdorf's.

  Loco Dempsey : But he was cute, don't you think?

  Schatze Page : Sure he was. But then I never met one of those gas pump jockey that wasn't.

  Loco Dempsey : Is that what he is?

  Schatze Page : You bet your life he is. I know those guys. I married one once.

• Loco Dempsey : Once you get one foot on the ground, you're really quite a jerk, aren't you?

• Loco Dempsey : You got radio all the way up here?

  Eben : Oh, sure. Radio, houses, everything.

• Schatze Page : The way most people go about it, they use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

  Loco Dempsey : Do they really?

  Schatze Page : It's your head you've got to use, not your heart.

• Loco Dempsey : I'll say this for him: we haven't ordered anything yet under five dollars a portion!

  Pola Debevoise : If there's anything left over don't forget to tell the waiter you want to take it home for the dog.

• Loco Dempsey : [dreamily]  All my life ever since I was a little girl I've always had the same dream. To marry a zillionaire.

• Schatze Page : Mine was one of those divorces you don't read about, the wife finished second.

  Loco Dempsey : But, that's against the law, isn't it?

• Loco Dempsey : I'm surprise you ever want to get married again.

  Schatze Page : Oh, but that's the point about this whole set up. Of course I want to get married again. Who doesn't? It's the biggest thing you can do in life.

• Schatze Page : How about one of those rich maharajas?

  Pola Debevoise : How about three of them!

  Loco Dempsey : Wouldn't that be wonderful if we had three of them up for dinner and they all married us.

  Schatze Page : Think of all those diamonds and rubies.

  Loco Dempsey : And all those *crazy* elephants.

• J.D. Hanley : There'll be dancing and drinks and a few laughs, perhaps.

  Pola Debevoise : Sounds just *creamy*, to me.

  Loco Dempsey : I like laughs.

• Waldo Brewster : You mean, eh, you'd like to see mine?

  Loco Dempsey : Well, I was speaking more figuratively than relatively.

• Loco Dempsey : I can meet somebody else up there, couldn't I?

  Schatze Page : Who are you going to meet in Maine? Eskimos?

• Schatze Page : He doesn't even look single to me either.

  Loco Dempsey : He's not.

  Schatze Page : Then what are you wasting your time on him for?

  Loco Dempsey : What else have I got? Unless you'd like me to lose him and join you and your friend?

  Schatze Page : You do and I'll break your neck in front of this whole restaurant.

• Schatze Page : The way I'm going to handle it, I'm not going to do any stalling at all with Mr. Hanley.

  Loco Dempsey : What will you do, mother him?

  Loco Dempsey : Oh, no. That's all right for kids. But, I don't think a mother's exactly what Mr. Hanley has in mind.

• Loco Dempsey : Who is he?

  Pola Debevoise : I don't know that either. But, he hasn't mentioned anything under a million dollars yet.

  Schatze Page : My guy's real class. Never mentions his wealth, just refers to it.

  Loco Dempsey : All Mr. Brewster talks about is what a horrible family he's got. But, I'll say this for him, we haven't ordered anything yet under $5 a portion.

• Waldo Brewster : Have you been scratching yourself?

  Loco Dempsey : Of course not. Models aren't allowed to scratch.

• Loco Dempsey : My mother, no matter how much money she didn't have, she wouldn't have disinherited me.

• Loco Dempsey : What's the matter with you anyway? Everybody loves their children, even monkeys!

• Loco Dempsey : It was creamy!