- Don Saverio Petrillo (segment "Il guappo"): "My condolences, Don Carmine, my condolences. Come have dinner at our place." That's what you told him. "Tonight you shouldn't be alone. Honor us." And it's been 10 years he's honoring us, this scum bag.
- Don Saverio Petrillo (segment "Il guappo"): Caroli! I got the eel! They're four and alive! Guys! Come see the eels! Come see them! Look how cool they look!
- Sofia (segment "Pizze a credito"): Don Peppino, don't get too discouraged. There's always hope. That resists. It's strong.
- Sofia (segment "Pizze a credito"): [looks down at her breasts] You're always thinking of those things...
- Pizza Customer (segment "Pizze a credito"): Good morning, Sofi! When I see you it's always a sunny day.
- Sofia (segment "Pizze a credito"): It's a sunny day, then.
- Pizza Customer (segment "Pizze a credito"): Excuse me, Don Rosà, if you don't mind, I would like my pizza made with Sofia's hands.
- Don Ubaldo (segment "Teresa"): Are you getting married?
- Teresa (segment "Teresa"): Yes, I'm getting married. Why?
- Don Ubaldo (segment "Teresa"): Ah, why not? To procreate.
- Teresa (segment "Teresa"): They were crying.
- Don Ubaldo (segment "Teresa"): Yes. Happy tears. Nowadays, we laugh, we cry, it's all the same.
- Don Ersilio Miccio (segment "Il professore"): The hand is soft. Just like that. Soft. Gentle. And wet lips a bit. Wet them with the saliva. Keep the fingers up, otherwise the noise is not good. It won't reach our objective. Instead, with the pernacchio I made you hear, you can start a revolution.
- Don Ersilio Miccio (segment "Il professore"): There's pernacchio and pernacchio - actually, I can say that the true pernacchio doesn't exist anymore. The current one is called, "pernacchia." But it's ugly and vulgar. The classic pernacchio - is an art. We are - we are - Pasqualino, Vincenzio - we are three, four, to know the style deep and to practice it in all Naples. Which means all over the world. The pernacchio can be of two species, head and chest. In our case we must melt them together. Head and chest. You need brain and passion. The Pernacchio we'll do to this guy will signify that he is a disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting man.
- Don Ersilio Miccio (segment "Il professore"): The big proof - she won't give to you - the proof. The proof. Nothing, got it? Remember. You must marry her first. She won't give up. She came to me. I advised her.
- Giovanni - the Butler (segment: I giocatori): Count, the countess told me not even a cent.
- Il conte Prospero B. (segment: I giocatori): Giovà, this damn prohibition must come to an end. The countess can't live forever. She will die. Be faithful.
- Giovanni - the Butler (segment: I giocatori): She's going pretty good though, with those American medicines.
- Il conte Prospero B. (segment: I giocatori): Unfortunately science keeps progressing.