The Ladykillers (1955)

Peter Sellers: Harry Robinson

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Quotes 

• Professor Marcus : [after Louis has 'dealt' with the Major on the roof]  Well, where is he? Where *is* the Major? Is he up there still?

  Harry : No, no, he, uh, he come down.

  Professor Marcus : Well bring him here!

  Harry : He come down... with the chimney-pot.

  Professor Marcus : With the chimney...?

  [Harry chuckles] 

  Professor Marcus : Is he hurt?

  Louis : I shouldn't think he felt a thing.

• Louis : [as Mrs. Wilberforce has just discovered the money, with Louis pulling Harry aside]  We must get her out of here.

  Harry : A snatch?

  Louis : Get her into the car.

  Louis : [as one of Mrs. Wilberforce's guests arrives]  We'll have to take them both. We've got to get away!

  Harry : [as two more guests arrive]  What do you think we should do? Charter a bus?

• [driving past the police station, they see their case of money sitting in the doorway] 

  Harry : I don't believe it. I don't *believe* it!

  Louis : Shut up.

  One-Round : It's just... sitting there... look, couldn't we...?

  Professor Marcus : No one, I hope, is going to suggest that we steal it.

• Louis : She had to go. She asked for it. She's probably been asking for it all her life.

  Harry : Yeah! Look what she done to that barrow boy and-and the cabbie and the junkman. All of them out of business in ten minutes.

• [Harry and Marcus are distracting Mrs. Wilberforce while Louis deals with the Major on the roof] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : It won't do any harm to tell you now that Major Courtney has gone to the police. They'll be here shortly.

  [there is a loud crash from outside] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh! Whatever is that?

  Harry : I expect something fell off the roof, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : The roof?

  Harry : Probably a... chimney-pot.

  Louisa Wilberforce : A chimney-pot?

  Professor Marcus : See who it is, Harry

  [pushes Harry out the door] 

• [Professor Marcus enters the phone booth right as the phone rings. On the other end, Claude is in another phone booth outside the train station, watching Mrs. Wilberforce collect their trunk] 

  Professor Marcus : Now, Major, before we start, let's press button A, shall we?... That's better... Major. Ma - Major! I want you to keep calm, speak quietly, and concentrate. Have you got that? Splendid. Mrs. W. should be coming into view just about...

  [hums] 

  Professor Marcus : ... now... Now she's driving away.

  [She does, but comes back] 

  Professor Marcus : . Major, Major, Major

  [throws phone book] 

  Professor Marcus : RELAX! Calm down!

  Claude : Back to the station! She's come back to the station!

  Louis : [entering phone booth]  What's wrong? Major!

  Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis!

  Louis : Major, tell me what's happening! Major!

  Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis, will you mind your own business, please!

  Harry : [Harry enters the phone booth too, and One-Round tries to squeeze in with them]  Louis! Give us a listen, Louis! Come on, let me hear, will you? I want to hear!

  Harry : [to One-Round]  Get out! Louis, I want to hear what he says!

  Louis : [to One-Round]  You get out! Major, tell me what's happening!

  Louisa Wilberforce : [coming out of the train station with her umbrella]  I'm always leaving it.

  Louis : [hearing Professor Marcus laughing]  What's she doing?

  One-Round : What's going on here?

  Professor Marcus : It's all right, it's just that she went back to get her umbrella!

• Louis : This is getting us nowhere! We must do something!

  Professor Marcus : Quite right, Mr. Harvey. We've got to tell her. Mrs. Wilberforce, I wanted to spare you this, but I'm afraid the police are after you too.

  Harry : Hey, that's right! You're as hot as the rest of us, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : As hot?

  Claude : If they pick her up, there's no saying what they may do to her.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Pick me up? Would you mind explaining...

  Harry : The job was planned in her house. She carried the lolly for us.

  Claude : Oh!

  Louisa Wilberforce : Yes, I-I-I know I carried the-the lolly.

  Professor Marcus : But she was ignorant of the plan, of course.

  Claude : Ignorance, in the sight of the law, is no excuse. Even if we swear that she didn't know what she was doing.

  Harry : They'd never believe us.

  One-Round : Yeah!

  Harry : Humph! Who'd believe anything we said?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, but this is ridiculous! Uh? I know the Superintendent! I shall deny any knowledge...

  Professor Marcus : She'll... never stand up to it, of course.

  Harry : Really? The rubber houses?

  Professor Marcus : The rest of her life, sewing mail bags?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Mail bags?

  Harry : And no one to look after the parrots.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!

  Professor Marcus : We won't let them get you, Mrs. Wilberforce!

  Louis : Why not? What's she ever done for us? If they get her, I'll tell them she planned the job. I'll tell them she planned the big one.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!

  Louis : The Eastcastle Street job.

• Harry : [Harry is being chased by One-Round when One-Round mistakenly thinks that Harry killed Mrs. Wilberforce]  Where's your sense of humor, One-Round?

• Professor Marcus : [Professor Marcus and his gang are discussing how to do away with Mrs. Wilberforce]  It ought to look like an accident.

  Harry : How about suicide?

  Claude : What do you mean?

  Harry : Well, get her to write a note, you know. "I just couldn't stand it no more. Signed, Mrs. Wilberforce." And then somebody goes down and hangs her. Hmm?

  Louis : Very funny.

  Harry : You got a better idea?

• Claude : [the gang is waiting inside the car for One-Round, whose cello case is caught in the crack of the front door of Mrs. Wilberforce's flat]  What is that moron playing at?

  One-Round : [yelling]  It's stuck in the door. The case is stuck...

  Harry : [interrupting]  Well, ring the bell, brains. Don't just stand there.

  Harry : [One-Round rings the bell]  Thank you.

  Professor Marcus : [One-Round keeps tugging at the cello case while Mrs. Wilberforce approaches the door to answer it. All of a sudden, because of One-Round's constant tugging, the cello case rips open, causing all of the banknotes inside of it to flutter out just when Mrs. Wilberforce opens the door and catches him in the act. Seconds later, everyone in the car quickly comes out to help One-Round stuff all of the banknotes back into the case. Professor Marcus tries to put everything at ease]  It's all right, Mrs. Wilberforce. Everything's under control. Goodbye.

  Professor Marcus : [Professor Marcus closes the door, but Mrs. Wilberforce is still a little skeptical. She cautiously opens the door, after a few seconds of hesitation]  Goodbye.

  [Professor Marcus closes the door again]