The Ladykillers (1955)

Katie Johnson: Louisa Wilberforce

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Marcus : You're most kind, and if I may say so, you have a very curious and charming house. Such, um, pretty windows.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, thank you,

  Louisa Wilberforce : [pointing to a window]  And I rather favour positions...

  Professor Marcus : [interrupting]  I always think the windows are the eyes of a house, and didn't someone say the eyes are the windows of the soul?

  Louisa Wilberforce : I don't really know. Oh, it's such a charming thought, I do hope someone expressed it!

• [Mrs. Wilberforce has knocked on the door and the Major is about to open it] 

  Louis : [aside to Harry, mocking Mrs. Wilberforce]  "Excuse me, Major Courtney, I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea?"

  Louisa Wilberforce : [addressing the Major as he opens the door]  I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea, Major Courtney?

• Louisa Wilberforce : [Mrs. Wilberforce knocks on the door, and starts pacing in no answer]  Oh, oh dear, oh dear. Poor Mr. Robinson.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [she knocks again, this time the music stops and Claude opens the door]  I'm so sorry, Major Courtney, but I'm afraid General Gordon has bitten Mr. Robinson's finger. Now he's on the top of the cabinet and refuses to come down.

  Louis : Mr. Robinson is on top of the cabinet?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, no Mr. Harvey. General Gordon. Mr. Lawson, you're the tallest. Do you think you could try to get him down for us?

  One-Round : Sure, I'll get 'im, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [after One-Round starts down the stairs]  Oh, I feel I'm being such a bother.

  Louis : How could you possibly think a thing like that?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, you *are* kind.

• Louisa Wilberforce : Simply try for one hour to behave like gentlemen.

• One-Round : I said nobody was to do her!

  Louisa Wilberforce : [Begins attacking Louis, who beats him continuously over the head with a blackjack. Mrs. Wilberforce comes out of the next room]  Mr. Harvey!

  One-Round : I said - I said nobody was to do Mrs. Lopsided!

  Louisa Wilberforce : Stop that!

  [Louis hits One-Round one last time with the blackjack] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : What *are* you doing?

  Louisa Wilberforce : [adjusting her hat]  And who is "Mrs. Lopsided," may I ask? Where is Mr. Robinson?

  One-Round : He's, uh, he's outside.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Somebody took the key. The cello case is gone!

  One-Round : It's, uh, out there too.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Well... bring it in.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [as One-Round heads outside]  I fell asleep. Somebody took the key out of my pocket. I'm *very* angry!

  Professor Marcus : As you have every right to be. It's disgraceful, Mrs. Wilberforce, shameful! Mr. Robinson will answer for it.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [as One-Round brings in the cello case]  I'll take that, thank you. Professor Marcus, this is another black mark against you. I shall certainly tell the police.

  Professor Marcus : [as Mrs. Wilberforce goes back into the next room and shuts the door behind her]  What happened?

  One-Round : I thought they'd, uh, done 'er in. I thought, uh, I thought Harry done 'er.

  Professor Marcus : So?

  One-Round : So all right, I made a mistake!

  Professor Marcus : [putting his face in his hand]  Put him in the barrow...

• Professor Marcus : [as Professor Marcus hears the parrots chattering downstairs]  What's that? Who's talking?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Well, it's only General Gordon. He belonged to my late husband. I had four.

  Professor Marcus : Husbands?

  Louisa Wilberforce : No, parrots. And now I've only three.

  Professor Marcus : Parrots!

• [last lines] 

  The Sergeant : [chasing Mrs. Wilberforce as she is leaving the police station]  Mrs. Wilberforce, wait! Just a moment!

  The Sergeant : [holding out Mrs. Wilberforce's umbrella toward her]  You forgot it, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [reaching for the umbrella, then changing her mind]  Oh. Oh, no I don't think I want it. I never liked it. Now I can buy a dozen new ones. Oh, uh, good morning, Sergeant.

  Louisa Wilberforce : [as she heads home, she stops in front of a starving artist looking at his artwork]  Oh! They're very good, very good.

  Starving Artist : Turned out nice, huh?

  Louisa Wilberforce : [handing him a bank note]  Yes, it-it has!

  Starving Artist : [startled by the generous amount of money]  Oh! Hey, hey! Hey, look! Here, lady! Look!

  [Mrs. Wilberforce continues happily to make her way home] 

• [Harry and Marcus are distracting Mrs. Wilberforce while Louis deals with the Major on the roof] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : It won't do any harm to tell you now that Major Courtney has gone to the police. They'll be here shortly.

  [there is a loud crash from outside] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh! Whatever is that?

  Harry : I expect something fell off the roof, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : The roof?

  Harry : Probably a... chimney-pot.

  Louisa Wilberforce : A chimney-pot?

  Professor Marcus : See who it is, Harry

  [pushes Harry out the door] 

• Louisa Wilberforce : ...May I ask you where you studied?

  One-Round : ...Well, I didn't really study any place, Lady... I just sort of... picked it up.

  Louisa Wilberforce : You know, I was so surprised when I heard what you were playing. It brought back something that, really, I'd completely forgotten all about: my 21st birthday party. You see, my father had engaged a string quintet to come in and play in the evening; and while they were playing Boccherini, someone came in and said the old queen had passed away. And everyone went home. And that was the end of my party, all that time ago, in Pangbourne.

  [silence] 

  Louisa Wilberforce : Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll run and make the tea. The kettle *must* be nearly on the boil.

  One-Round : [after Mrs. Wilberforce leaves]  Who's she talkin' about? Old queen who?

• [Professor Marcus enters the phone booth right as the phone rings. On the other end, Claude is in another phone booth outside the train station, watching Mrs. Wilberforce collect their trunk] 

  Professor Marcus : Now, Major, before we start, let's press button A, shall we?... That's better... Major. Ma - Major! I want you to keep calm, speak quietly, and concentrate. Have you got that? Splendid. Mrs. W. should be coming into view just about...

  [hums] 

  Professor Marcus : ... now... Now she's driving away.

  [She does, but comes back] 

  Professor Marcus : . Major, Major, Major

  [throws phone book] 

  Professor Marcus : RELAX! Calm down!

  Claude : Back to the station! She's come back to the station!

  Louis : [entering phone booth]  What's wrong? Major!

  Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis!

  Louis : Major, tell me what's happening! Major!

  Professor Marcus : Louis! Louis, will you mind your own business, please!

  Harry : [Harry enters the phone booth too, and One-Round tries to squeeze in with them]  Louis! Give us a listen, Louis! Come on, let me hear, will you? I want to hear!

  Harry : [to One-Round]  Get out! Louis, I want to hear what he says!

  Louis : [to One-Round]  You get out! Major, tell me what's happening!

  Louisa Wilberforce : [coming out of the train station with her umbrella]  I'm always leaving it.

  Louis : [hearing Professor Marcus laughing]  What's she doing?

  One-Round : What's going on here?

  Professor Marcus : It's all right, it's just that she went back to get her umbrella!

• Louis : This is getting us nowhere! We must do something!

  Professor Marcus : Quite right, Mr. Harvey. We've got to tell her. Mrs. Wilberforce, I wanted to spare you this, but I'm afraid the police are after you too.

  Harry : Hey, that's right! You're as hot as the rest of us, mum.

  Louisa Wilberforce : As hot?

  Claude : If they pick her up, there's no saying what they may do to her.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Pick me up? Would you mind explaining...

  Harry : The job was planned in her house. She carried the lolly for us.

  Claude : Oh!

  Louisa Wilberforce : Yes, I-I-I know I carried the-the lolly.

  Professor Marcus : But she was ignorant of the plan, of course.

  Claude : Ignorance, in the sight of the law, is no excuse. Even if we swear that she didn't know what she was doing.

  Harry : They'd never believe us.

  One-Round : Yeah!

  Harry : Humph! Who'd believe anything we said?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh, but this is ridiculous! Uh? I know the Superintendent! I shall deny any knowledge...

  Professor Marcus : She'll... never stand up to it, of course.

  Harry : Really? The rubber houses?

  Professor Marcus : The rest of her life, sewing mail bags?

  Louisa Wilberforce : Mail bags?

  Harry : And no one to look after the parrots.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!

  Professor Marcus : We won't let them get you, Mrs. Wilberforce!

  Louis : Why not? What's she ever done for us? If they get her, I'll tell them she planned the job. I'll tell them she planned the big one.

  Louisa Wilberforce : Oh!

  Louis : The Eastcastle Street job.

• Louisa Wilberforce : Professor, I must give you back your ten shillings. You see, the cabber wouldn't take any money, because he said he was going into some other business.

• Louisa Wilberforce : [realizing that Professor Marcus and his group are thieves and not musicians]  Indeed, I thought not. I am shocked by this revelation. Shocked and appalled.

• Professor Marcus : If I may say so, Mrs Wilberforce, you have a lovely, charming house. Such pretty windows. I always feel the windows are the eyes of a house and didn't someone say that the eyes are the windows of the soul?

  Louisa Wilberforce : What a lovely thought, I do hope someone expressed it.

• Louisa Wilberforce : [to Harry after Major Courtney while on the roof accidentally dropped the cello case full of money into Harry's hands when her back was turned]  Where did you get that cello case?