The Mouse That Roared (1959)

Peter Sellers: Grand Duchess Gloriana XII, Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy, Tully Bascombe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Grand Duchess Gloriana : How did the war go?

  Tulley Bascombe : Well, Your Grace, we're home. Actually, there's been a slight change of plan. I know it will come as a surprise, a pleasant one, I hope, but we sort of won.

  Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy : You sort of WHAT?

• Tulley Bascombe : Men of Fenwick, where you hear the name of Grand Fenwick do your hearts swell with pride?

  Men of Fenwick : Yes!

  Tulley Bascombe : And if your country calls will you rush to enlist?

  Men of Fenwick : No!

  Tulley Bascombe : Oh.

• Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy : My idea was sound. Only an idiot could have won this war, and he did.

• Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy : We must declare war on the United States.

  Benter : But we can never win such a war!

  Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy : Of course not, but we could win the peace. I've given this a lot of thought gentlemen and I'm perfectly positive that I am right. You must remember, the Americans are a very strange people. Whereas other countries rarely forgive anything, the Americans forgive anything. There isn't a more profitable undertaking for any country than to declare war on the United States and to be defeated.

• General Snippet : I warn you, madam, I know the entire Geneva Convention by heart!

  Grand Duchess Gloriana : Oh, how nice! You must recite it for me some evening; I play the harpsichord.

• Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy : I move we declare war on the United States of America.

  Benter : As leader of the party of the common man, I say that war is reprehensible, barbaric, unforgivable, and unthinkable. And I second the motion.

• Tully Bascombe : We want a million dollars.

  United States Secretary of Defense : You mean a billion dollars.

  Tully Bascombe : No, sir, no. Just a million.

  United States Secretary of Defense : You can't expect us to give you a measly million? That's less than we spent in Germany on one city alone.

  Tully Bascombe : Yes, but you see, sir, they lost.

  United States Secretary of Defense : Oh. I can't promise to get that through. You may have to take a billion.

  Tully Bascombe : Well, if you could try, sir.

• Tulley Bascombe : Remember, men. There is nothing wrong with surrendering to overwhelming powers, as long as it is done in a military manner.

• Grand Duchess Gloriana : Do give my love to your president, will you? And Mrs. Coolidge too.

• Helen Kokintz : You can turn around right now and kiss me if you want to.

  Tulley Bascombe : Really?

  Helen Kokintz : Really.

• Tulley Bascombe : [about the Q-Bomb]  How should I carry it?

  Professor Alfred Kokintz : Carefully.

• Pedro : How did the war with the United States go, eh?

  Tulley Bascombe : We won!

• Tully Bascombe : There doesn't seem to be anyone around we can surrender to.

• Grand Duchess Gloriana XII : Oh dear, this is most terribly complicated. Isn't it? Eh, put the bomb away somewhere in the dungeon. And the doctor and Miss Kokintz can have the room next to mine.

• Tully Bascombe : Is everything alright?

  Helen Kokintz : Oh, wonderful. Couldn't be better. A two-by-four cabin on a rocky old boat with a deadly bomb ready to explode under the floor. What more could a girl ask?

• Helen Kokintz : Give it back. It's the honest thing to do. It's the wise thing to do. It's - it's the American thing to do!

  Tully Bascombe : There goes a red-blooded American girl.

• Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : We shall return for you within the hour. Be prepared to escape. Until then, dear lady, adieu. You American women are so charming. So very

  [kisses Helen's hand] 

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : charming.

  [kisses Helen's wrist] 

  Helen Kokintz : Look, we've only got an hour.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : Pity.

• Tully Bascombe : It's captured booty!

  Helen Kokintz : It belongs to the United States.

  Tully Bascombe : And you belong to me. You're my prisoner.

  [kiss] 

  Helen Kokintz : Thief.

• Tully Bascombe : I think we all hoped things would be better after the last war; but, in many ways they're worse - all these bombs and things.

• Tulley Bascombe : My girl, and my bomb!

• Benter : My friend, the die is cast.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : But our cause is just.

  Benter : There is a time in time.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : To be or not to be.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : That is the question. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

  Benter : Our country, right or wrong.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : Right. We'll drink to that. To our glorious - defeat.

• Tully Bascombe : I don't like to leave the forest, just now. It's the mating season.

  Benter : Tully! This thing is bigger than the mating season. This is your country calling!

• Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : No sooner is the aggressor defeated, then the Americans pour in food, machinery, clothing, technical aid, and lots and lots of money for the the relief of it's former enemies. In other words, gentlemen, in effect, we declare war on Monday, we are defeated on Tuesday, and by Friday we will be rehabilitated beyond our wildest dreams.

• Benter : We have no army?

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : Oh, pish posh! Who needs an army. Twenty men or so would be quite sufficient.

• Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : My dear fellow, with then new stabilizers and all that sort of rigamarole, the modern ocean liner is as steady as a row boat.

• Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : We simply must get ahold of some of those malted milk machines, right?

  Fenwick Cabinet : Yes. Yes.

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : And not forget about the, eh, hot dogs.

  Fenwick Cabinet : Here! Here!

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : Which brings me, gentlemen, to the question of non-fraternization. Now, the occupational authority is certain to be very strict in this matter and, naturally, we will want to cooperate in every possible way. I should imagine that non-fraternization will last for approximately - what - 48 hours? 48 hours. After which, gentlemen, we will want those lonesome GI boys to feel that this is a real home away from home.

• Helen Kokintz : I think you're holding me.

  Tully Bascombe : I am?

  Helen Kokintz : Is this the way you treat all your prisoners of war?

• Grand Duchess Gloriana XII : The Americans are a wonderful people and perhaps we shouldn't have taken their bomb. Anyway, BoBo, even if we give it back to them, some other country will go and invent a Q-bomb of their own and then we'll have an XYZ bomb and someday one of them will go off. Boom!

• Helen Kokintz : What have you got in mind?

  Prime Minister Count Rupert of Mountjoy : Well, we suggest you take that naughty bomb away.