- [last lines: Dr Golfrey pulls back the bed clothes to show Abel Worthy lying with a toilet seat stuck to his posterior]
- Dr. Golfrey Senior: Well, girl. What's the matter with you? Never come across anything like that before?
- Joanna Jones: Oh yes, doctor, but never framed!
- [Joanna's driving instructor has recommended her to "treat the examiner as your friend" so she tries a flippant remark]
- Driving Examiner: Do you mind if I smoke?
- Joanna Jones: I don't mind if you curl at the edges.
- Mrs. Jones: [answering phone] Hello, there's nobody here.
- Joanna Jones: It's Joanna.
- Mrs. Jones: She's not here.
- Joanna Jones: It's Joanna *speaking*.
- Mrs. Jones: Oh you nasty mucky thing. Stop dripping!
- Joanna Jones: I beg your pardon?
- Mrs. Jones: I was speaking to the paintbrush, dear. I'm painting a window frame.
- Joanna Jones: Mother, have there been any calls for me?
- Mrs. Jones: Several!
- Joanna Jones: Right, what did they want?
- Mrs. Jones: Nurse Merrick.
- Joanna Jones: Oh.
- Mrs. Jones: When I told them you'd taken over, they all said 'never mind' and hung up.
- Mrs. Jones: What is it dear, an electronic bedpan?
- Miss Farthingale: Really! It's a pressure cooker. My nephew gave it to me for Christmas. There's a screw loose.
- Mrs. Jones: Oh, poor boy.