The Pink Panther (1963)
David Niven: Sir Charles Lytton
Photos
Quotes
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[Having made her tipsy with champagne, Sir Charles Lytton kisses Princess Dala]
Princess Dala : If I were my father, I'd have you tortured.
Sir Charles Lytton : No. If you were your father, I wouldn't have kissed you.
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Sir Charles Lytton : [dressed as a gorilla] Hi George. Any idea how we get out of here?
George Lytton : [dressed as a gorilla] I don't know. I've been all over this place. I've been up this street, up that one, up that one. How are we gonna get out here?
Sir Charles Lytton : [dressed as a gorilla] Why don't you try the high road up there?
George Lytton : [dressed as a gorilla] Okay. I'll take the high road, you take the low road. So long, Uncle Charles.
Sir Charles Lytton : [dressed as a gorilla] Ciao, George.
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Princess Dala : [tipsy from champagne] I was three years old when I rode my first elephant. I was - six, when I went on my first zsrafari... frazari... wild animal hunt. And I was ten, when I bagged my first tiger. But Ill never forget, my lovely little pony.
Sir Charles Lytton : When'd you bag him?
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Simone Clouseau : If I'm not being too nosy your highness, I read somewhere there was some dispute over the ownership of the Pink Panther.
Princess Dala : It belongs to me. It was a gift from my late father. I shall never surrender it.
Sir Charles Lytton : Why should you?
Princess Dala : When the present government seized power, they claimed the diamond was the property of the people. There's even some talk of the international court deciding the issue.
Sir Charles Lytton : I'll tell you what, why don't I steal the diamond, leave that old glove or whatever it is behind, and you and I can split the insurance.
Princess Dala : All right.
George Lytton : I feel like dancing.
[to Princess Dala]
George Lytton : Your Highness?
Princess Dala : I'd love to.
Sir Charles Lytton : [to Simone] How about you, Madame?
Simone Clouseau : Yes, of course.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Your leg is better, Sir. Charles?
Sir Charles Lytton : What?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I say your leg is better.
Sir Charles Lytton : Oh, yes. Much better. Thank you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : You know, Mr. Tucker...
[scalds his hand]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Argh!
[put his burnt hand into Mr. Tucker's beer]
Tucker : That's my beer, old man.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I am willing to bet you ten thousand francs, that the phantom is in Cortina at this very moment. Even, perhaps, in this very room.
Simone Clouseau : How exciting. What do you think, Mr. Tucker?
Tucker : Oh, I agree with the inspector. You see, Ten of his last fifteen victims have been guests at Angela Dunning's parties.
Sir Charles Lytton : What are we all talking about?
Simone Clouseau : The notorious Phantom.
Princess Dala : I'm afraid I never heard of him.
Sir Charles Lytton : From the little I've read about him, he seems to be quite a fellow.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Believe me. There are few thieves who are as clever as the Phantom. Each theft is completely different and unique, classic in its conception.
George Lytton : I thought you were working on the theory that he does repeat himself.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Well, only as far as Angela Dunning's parties are concerned. However, there is one other duplication, but that is his ah... trademark, his calling card, so to speak. He always leaves a white monogrammed glove.
Princess Dala : Sounds terribly theatrical.
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Sir Charles Lytton : Aren't you drinking?
Princess Dala : l don't drink.
Sir Charles Lytton : Not ever?
Princess Dala : l'm quite content with reality. l have no need for escape.
Sir Charles Lytton : Well, l enjoy reality as much as the next man. lt's just that in my case, fortunately, reality includes a good stiff belt every now and then. On the other hand, l don't smoke.
Princess Dala : You're right. lt's a nasty habit.
Sir Charles Lytton : Here's to all those nasty little habits that we hold so dear.
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Princess Dala : l hadn't realized it was so late.
Sir Charles Lytton : Come in, sit down, relax. Have a nice glass of champagne.
Princess Dala : l told you, l don't drink.
Sir Charles Lytton : Oh, champagne's not drinking. lt's the minimum of alcohol and the maximum of companionship.
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Princess Dala : You didn't tell me the truth.
Sir Charles Lytton : About what?
Princess Dala : About champagne! About this. Oh, boy, did you fib. You said - something about extremes.
Sir Charles Lytton : lt does wonders for them.
Princess Dala : lt does more than that. lt makes your lips numb. Ah, l can't feel them. Are they still there?
Sir Charles Lytton : Let's have a look.
Princess Dala : You didn't tell me about that part.
[kiss]
Princess Dala : Won't do you any good. l can't feel it!
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Sir Charles Lytton : You have presented the press with a rather definite image.
Princess Dala : Yes, l know.
Sir Charles Lytton : Well, are you?
Princess Dala : What?
Sir Charles Lytton : What they call you? The Virgin Queen?
Princess Dala : l'm not a queen.
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Princess Dala : l'm plastered. If that's the right expression.
Sir Charles Lytton : Yes, that's the right expression.
Princess Dala : You're a fraud and a liar. And you think you are going to take advantage of me.
Sir Charles Lytton : Oh, no. You think l am.
Princess Dala : l know you are. That's the plan, isn't it? Feed me champagne, break down the inhibitions, and tally-ho! No more Virgin Queen.
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Princess Dala : lf you had known my father, you would understand me. He was an absolute ruler. He governed his people with an iron hand. But he gave me a white pony for my fifth birthday. He was wrong about many things, but he made his decisions according to the ways of his predecessors. l learned the way of the West, so l've become a little of both, a paradox. And it is hard to reconcile the extremes.
Sir Charles Lytton : Have a glass of champagne. Does wonders for extremes. lt's been known to launch some lasting friendships. Don't you trust me?
Princess Dala : No.
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Sir Charles Lytton : You're not concerned about what happened, you're worried about what might have happened. And that makes you vulnerable. That makes you a woman.
Princess Dala : You're an arrogant fool.
Sir Charles Lytton : Perhaps l am. But after what l just said, a real woman would have slapped my face.
[Princess starts to slap Sir Charles, but, laughs instead]
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Simone Clouseau : Jacques would make a wonderful father. He has many redeeming qualities, you know.
Sir Charles Lytton : Name one.
Simone Clouseau : Oh, he's kind, loyal, faithful, obedient.
Sir Charles Lytton : You're either married to a Boy Scout or a dachshund.
Simone Clouseau : And he adores me.
Sir Charles Lytton : That eliminates the Boy Scouts.
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Sir Charles Lytton : The majority of women, they have half a glass too much and let down the barriers a little. And they wake up in the morning, riddled with guilt and think they can reclaim their virtue by saying ''l don't remember.''
Princess Dala : Are you saying my virtue is not intact?
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Sir Charles Lytton : He's just a young man who's not been out in the world.
Simone Clouseau : That's because he's been spending all his time in a bedroom.
Sir Charles Lytton : [spanks Simone's bottom] l'm surprised at you!
Simone Clouseau : Oh, l can handle it.
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Sir Charles Lytton : You're being ridiculous.
Simone Clouseau : No. l'm just being a woman. This time you've chosen yourself a fascinating victim. I suspect you've broken the first rule and allowed yourself to become involved.
Sir Charles Lytton : You're being a woman, all right.
[kiss]
Simone Clouseau : That's obvious. Competition always makes a woman obvious.
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Sir Charles Lytton : Tuck into some of that porridge, lnspector. It's guaranteed good for sleuthing.
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George Lytton : When l was thrown out of college, l made up my mind. l decided to live a little. l knew if l continued my academic endeavors l knew I could depend upon that check of yours. You know what l did? l took a plush Hollywood apartment. Surrounded myself with all of the - advantages of a wealthy bachelor. And I sent you glowing reports of a brilliant academic career.
Sir Charles Lytton : Well, I suppose a certain amount of dishonesty is bound to beget a certain amount of dishonesty.
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Sir Charles Lytton : [dressed in gorilla suit] Come back. It's me.