The Best Man (1964)

Lee Tracy: President Art Hockstader

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Quotes 

• President Art Hockstader : Y'know, it's not that I object to your being a bastard, don't get me wrong there. It's your being such a stupid bastard that I object to.

• President Art Hockstader : Oh, there have been moments when I've questioned your methods.

  Joe Cantwell : Well, you got to fight fire with fire, Mr. President.

  President Art Hockstader : And the end justifies the means, huh?

  Joe Cantwell : Yes, I believe that.

  President Art Hockstader : Well, son, I got news for you about both politics and life. And may I say the two are exactly the same? There are no ends, Joe, only means.

• President Art Hockstader : Now, I am here to tell you this, that power is not a toy that we give to good children. It's a weapon, and the strong man takes it and he uses it. And if you don't go down there and beat Joe Cantwell to the floor with this very dirty stick, then you've got no business in this big league. Because if you don't fight, this job is not for you. And it never will be.

  William Russell : [after a long silent pause]  And so, one by one these compromises, these small corruptions, destroy character.

  President Art Hockstader : To want power is corruption already. To your god, you hate yourself for being human.

  William Russell : No, I only want to be human and it is not easy. Once this sort of thing starts, there's no end to it, which is why it should never begin. And if I start, well Art, how does it end, this sort of thing? Where does it end?

  President Art Hockstader : In the grave, son, where the dust is neither good nor bad. Just nothing.

• President Art Hockstader : Major Bascomb, do I understand by the way you are slowly beating around the bush, that Joe Cantwell was, what we used to call when I was a boy, a dee-generate?

  Sheldon Bascomb : Yes, sir, Mr. President, sir. That's just what I mean.

  William Russell : I don't believe it. No man with that awful wife and those ugly children could be anything but normal.

• President Art Hockstader : You aren't crazy, are you?

  William Russell : Any man who wants to be President is crazy.

  President Art Hockstader : Speak for yourself, son.

• President Art Hockstader : [slyly]  Oh, those rumors about you and your lady friends, they won't do you a bit of harm. You haven't written them any letters, have you?

  William Russell : No, no letters

  President Art Hockstader : Ah, good.

• President Art Hockstader : Bill, do you believe in God?

  William Russell : Do I? Well, I was confirmed in the Episcopal Church.

  President Art Hockstader : Hell, I'm a Methodist, and I'm still asking. Do you believe in God? Do you believe in a day of judgement, and a hereafter?

  William Russell : No. I believe in us. In man.

• William Russell : [jokingly]  Get out of here, you old bum.

  President Art Hockstader : [laughs]  Is that a respectful way to talk to the end of an era? The last of the great hicks as he shuffles off the stage - by way of the privy.

• President Art Hockstader : I got my speech right here, my teeth are in, and I'm raring to go.

• Joe Cantwell : All the big words are there: manic depressive, paranoid pattern, and all that combined with playing around with women.

  President Art Hockstader : So what?

  Joe Cantwell : I suppose you find promiscuity admirable.

  President Art Hockstader : I couldn't care a less. I was brought up on the farm and the lesson of the rooster was not entirely lost on me. Lots of men need lots of women. And there are worst faults, let me tell you.

• President Art Hockstader : I'm sorta like a clock. I only talk when I'm running.

• President Art Hockstader : I tell you, there's nothing like a dirty, low down political fight to put the roses in your cheeks.

  William Russell : How do you feel?

  President Art Hockstader : Immortal.

• President Art Hockstader : Oh well, the world's sure changed since I was politickin'. In those days, we had to pour God over everything like ketchup.

• President Art Hockstader : [to William Russell]  Time was, when you rich boys liked to play games like polo. Now you play politics.

• President Art Hockstader : [to William Russell]  You're a very superior man. The kind we don't often find in politics.

• President Art Hockstader : [to William Russell]  Well, son, you've got such a good mind, that sometimes you get so busy thinking how complex everything is, that important problems don't get solved.

• President Art Hockstader : I didn't want anyone to see me just yet; so, I got into the suite next door and sneaked in through your privy.

• President Art Hockstader : Politics has changed a lot since my day. The age of the great hickster, which I belong, is all over. You rich boys got it all sewed up.

  William Russell : I didn't know you were a Marxist.

  President Art Hockstader : Marxist? Never heard of the word.

• President Art Hockstader : Look, I don't object to your headline grabbing and your crying wolf all the time. That's standard stuff in politics. What disturbs me is - you're taking your own phony stuff so seriously. It's par for the course trying to fool the people, but, its down right dangerous when you start fooling yourself.

  Joe Cantwell : Mr. President, I take myself seriously because I am serious.

• President Art Hockstader : You fellows who don't drink, you don't realize how thirsty we old bucks get along about sundown.

• President Art Hockstader : This young man also had a profound sense of right and wrong. Now, that sometimes means that they are wrong and we are right. Ah, now, that's true!. They are wrong! We are right!

• President Art Hockstader : Now, we are all going into that big convention and we are going to start voting. And when we finish, we are going to vote ourselves a President! Luckily, we have some fine men to choose from.

• President Art Hockstader : There's another old friend. The last flower of the Confederacy and yet, also, a progressive liberal, everybody's favorite son , Governor T.T. Claypoole.

  T.T. Claypoole : Thank you! Thank you folks! Thank you. God bless y'all!

• William Russell : Well, well, there's our candidate.

  Dick Jensen : On the 50th ballot

  William Russell : Now, now, things don't look that black. T.T. come to see you?

  President Art Hockstader : Yes. We agreed that all colored people are highly musical with wonderful white teeth; but, are essentially children who never telephone when they are not coming to work.

• William Russell : I know what I should do and this is not it.

  President Art Hockstader : Then, you don't want to be king of the castle. So, stay away from us. Be a saint on your own time. Because, you ain't fit to lead anybody.

  William Russell : Why? Because I won't shoot off a cannon to kill a bug? Because I don't have that mindless reflex you confuse with strength? Don't you understand, if I start to fight like Cantwell, I lose all meaning.

  President Art Hockstader : If you don't start to fight, you are finished.

• President Art Hockstader : We have had some bad old customs in this country. And one of them was that a Jew or a Negro or a Catholic, couldn't get to be President. Well, a Catholic can now be elected President. And someday we're going to have a Jewish President and we're going to have Negro President. Then, when all the minorities have been heard from, we're going to do something for the downtrodden majority of this country - and I mean the ladies!

  [crowd laughs and claps] 

• President Art Hockstader : What disturbs me is your taking your own phony stuff so seriously. It's par for the course trying to fool the people but its down right dangerous when you start fooling yourself.