User Reviews

Any resemblance between "A Long Ride from Hell" director Camillo Bazzoni's World War II mission thriller "Suicide Commandos" and similar combat capers such as "The Secret Invasion," "The Dirty Dozen" and "Where Eagles Dare" is more coincidental than relevant. True, the non-com hero assembles six soldiers best described as misfits, but only one is an actual criminal. The remainder are hard luck soldiers and a civilian. This solid behind-enemy-lines actioneer has our protagonists parachuting into the heart of Nazi Germany, like in "Where Eagles Dare." Unlike both "Where Eagles Dare" and "The Dirty Dozen," however, our heroes find themselves handicapped once they hit the ground because the Germans kill their demolitions expert and confiscate their explosives. Moreover, unlike "Where Eagles Dare," "The Dirty Dozen," and "The Secret Invasion," headquarters dispatches the misfits in "Suicide Commandos" to destroy material objectives rather than kill, recruit, or rescue Allied personnel.

A disgruntled artillery private, Calleya (Tano Cimarosa of "The Sicilian Connection"), picks a fight in a pub after his shrewish wife (Pamela Tudor of "Kill Rommel") wants nothing to do with him, and British military police try to arrest him. An MP clubs him to knock a knife out of Calleya's fist, but Calleya head butts the MP in the guts, charges out the door, tangles with another MP that he also head butts before vanishing into the darkness. A Breton Commando Sergeant, Cloadec (Aldo Ray of "The Naked and the Dead") witnesses the private's flight and offers Calleya a ride in his vehicle to elude the military police. Sergeant Cloadec persuades Calleya to join his commando team, and Cloadec's superior officer, a Colonel, orders the sergeant to find five more tigers like Calleya, and train them as commandos and parachutists.

Cloadec chooses his most unlikely candidate, Harper (Ugo Fangareggi of "The Treasure of San Gennaro"), a Boy Scout troop leader. The colonel takes one look at the gawky Harper with his jutting jaw and shakes his head in mystification. Cloadec explains to his superior that Harper's Boy Scout have won top orientation awards at every regional and national contest for 10 consecutive years. Harper is a genius at direction finding under the worst imaginable weather conditions. Claims Cloadec to his colonel: "He's not a man; he is a walking compass, a human radar." The colonel believes that Harper is too "fragile" to be useful as a commando, but he concedes to Cloadec's judgment. Cloadec learns that Harper is a crack shot with an automatic pistol but Harper cannot hit a target with a rifle. The sergeant has Harper trained to be a radio operator as well as their guide.

As his third candidate, the sergeant calls on a discredited officer, Sam Calloway (Luis Dávila of "Barcelona Kill"), whose suicidal nature has landed him in the hospital and prompted the brass to demote him. Sam is stuck in a hospital under observation, but all Sam wants to do his die in combat. Cloadec assures him, "Come with me, and you won't live long." Fourth, Cloadec selects a former gypsy-turned-soldier, Sorrel (Manuel Zarzo of "The Ugly Ones"), who was once a circus acrobatic. Sorrel is a car thief and a burglar who made the mistake of stealing from an Army General. Cloadec assures Sorrel that all charges against him will be dropped if he joins his team. Sorrel's character is as close as "Suicide Commandos" comes to resembling "The Dirty Dozen." Cloadec's sixth member is an explosives expert, but Bazzoni doesn't sketch in his character like other five, except for the colonel to warn the others that Tulay is crazy.

During training, Cloadec has his men practice with their rifles while being suspended by their heels upside down. Before they take off for Germany in a C-47, Cloadec warns his men, "Men, we're commandos and we've been given an order and orders are to be obeyed. Now, let's get one thing straight, it is better to be short a man than to be stuck with a man who cannot take it." It seems that the Germans have built a new Tiger tank and the air force cannot bomb the tanks as they make their way across Europe because Luftwaffe fighters, ME 109s, control the air. As the colonel tells them once they are assembled for take-off, the success of the Allied second front will depend on their mission to destroy an airfield. Once the ME-109s no longer pose a threat to the Allied air force, the bombers can wipe out the tanks before they can reinforce the Atlantic Wall.

This mission is not a picnic as our heroes learn quickly enough. The Luftwaffe shoot down the C-47 moments after Cloadec and his men jump and the German shoot their demolitions expert. Cloadec calls in another air drop and they attack an airfield. Sorrel is the first one to die, but his death scene is really good.

Predictably, despite the presence of actual World War II era replica aircraft in the same shots as our heroes, Bazzoni had to resort to obvious fake model aircraft and destroy them with clearly obvious butane fires. Aside for the dubbing, this is the most objectionable part of "Suicide Commandos." Indeed, as you might imagine, the dubbing on this combat epic is frankly execrable, but the "Kill Django" lenser Francisco Sánchez's widescreen color photography is truly impressive, especially when you consider that future three-time Oscar winner lenser Vittorio Storaro of "Apocalypse Now," "Reds," and "The Last Emperor" served as Sánchez's camera operator. The copy that I watched was a full-frame VHS tape, but the low angle camera work and the long shots were terrific looking. The strangest thing of all is the music. Composer Daisy Lumini supplies an orchestral score that sounds like a Spaghetti western version of Wagner's music with lots of whistling in it.

"Suicide Commandos" is nowhere near as good as "Inglorious Bastards," but still worth watching for a Spaghetti World War II thriller.