- Billy Pilgrim: [in his sleep] You guys go on without me. I'll be alright.
- Prof. Rumfoord: All he does in his sleep is quit, surrender, and apologize. I could carve a better man out of a banana.
- Paul Lazzaro: That corporal. He'll get back home after the war. He'll be a big hero. Dames'll be climbin' all over him. Couple of years go by, and one day there's gonna be a knock on his door and there'll be this stranger. "Paul Lazzaro sent me," the stranger will say and then he'll pull out a gun and shoot his pecker off. Stranger will give him a couple of seconds to think about who Paul Lazzaro is and what life's gonna be like without a pecker. Then he'll shoot him once in the guts and walk away. Yes.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Only on Earth is there any talk of Free Will.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: We know how the world ends and it has nothing to do with Earth, except that it gets wiped out too.
- Billy Pilgrim: Really? How does it end?
- Tralfamadorian speaker: While we're experimenting with new fuels, a Tralfamadorian test pilot panics, presses the wrong button, and the whole universe disappears.
- Billy Pilgrim: But you have to stop him. If you know this, can't you keep the pilot from pressing ...
- Tralfamadorian speaker: He has always pressed it, and he always will. We have always let him, and we always will let him. The moment is structured that way.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Mr. Pilgrim, a pleasant way to spend eternity is to ignore the bad times and concentrate on the good.
- Billy Pilgrim: On Tralfamadore you learn that the world is just a collection of moments, all strung together in beautiful, random order. And if we're going to survive, it's up to us to concentrate on the good moments and ignore the bad.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Would you please mate now?
- Billy Pilgrim: Look. We're not going to put on a show for you. That's one thing. Another is I demand you get Miss Wildhack some clothing.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: If she's cold, we can always regulate the temperature.
- Billy Pilgrim: Now, you get down to Earth and get Miss Wildhack a complete wardrobe, and one that fits! What's your size?
- Montana Wildhack: I take a 10. But then I have to take it in here and let it out a little here. So they'll need to bring a needle and thread.
- Billy Pilgrim: Did you hear that? And remember, Miss Wildhack is used to the best.
- Paul Lazzaro: He's a kraut.
- Roland Weary: He don't look like one.
- Billy Pilgrim: I'm not, I'm an American.
- Paul Lazzaro: Prove it
- [finger in Billy's face]
- Roland Weary: [to Billy] Who plays third for the Tigers?
- Billy Pilgrim: The Tigers?
- Roland Weary: The Detroit Tigers...
- Billy Pilgrim: [no answer]
- Paul Lazzaro: [to Roland] Who is it?
- Roland Weary: I don't know.
- Paul Lazzaro: [smacks Weary] Whadya ask 'im for?
- Billy Pilgrim: [giving speech] You see in Tralfamador, where I presently dwell, life has no beginning, no middle, and no end. For example, many years ago a certain man promised to have me killed. He's an old man now, living not far from here. He's read all of the publicity associated with my appearance. He's insane. And tonight he'll keep his promise.
- [murmurs throughout the crowd]
- Billy Pilgrim: If you protest, if you think that death is a terrible thing, then you've not understood what I have said.
- [Lazzaro appears in balcony]
- Billy Pilgrim: You see it's time for you to go home - to your lives and your children. It's time for me to be dead for a little while. And then live again. I give you the Tralfamadorian greeting: Hello. Farewell. Hello. Farewell. Eternally connected, eternally embracing. Hello. Farewell.
- [Lazzaro shoots Billy]
- Billy Pilgrim: Would you like to sit on the couch?
- Montana Wildhack: Where is it?
- Billy Pilgrim: Here. Just take my hand.
- Montana Wildhack: [bumping into him, his hand grazes her chest] Ooh!
- Billy Pilgrim: Ooh! I'm sorry.
- Montana Wildhack: Um, that's all right.
- Billy Pilgrim: [leading her to the couch] Careful. Get away, Spot.
- Montana Wildhack: He's not bothering me. I like dogs. Come here, Spot. Come on.
- Billy Pilgrim: It's pretty comfortable, isn't it?
- Montana Wildhack: It's fine.
- Billy Pilgrim: They got everything from Sears and Roebuck.
- Montana Wildhack: What's it like up here?
- Billy Pilgrim: Well, I don't know, because we can't leave the dome.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: The atmosphere of Tralfamadore is cyanide. It would be fatal to you if you left the dome.
- Montana Wildhack: This is it?
- Billy Pilgrim: I'm afraid so.
- Montana Wildhack: How long will they keep us here?
- Billy Pilgrim: I don't know.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: You are here, you have always been here, and you will always be here.
- Montana Wildhack: Is he trying to blow my mind?
- Montana Wildhack: I appreciate what you said to them about me.
- Billy Pilgrim: Thank you, Miss Wildhack.
- Montana Wildhack: Montana.
- Billy Pilgrim: Montana.
- Montana Wildhack: You don't meet many gentlemen in the entertainment business.
- Billy Pilgrim: I'm an optometrist.
- Montana Wildhack: Oh. Would you like to kiss me?
- Billy Pilgrim: Yes.
- Montana Wildhack: [kissing] You kiss nicely.
- Billy Pilgrim: Thank you.
- Montana Wildhack: Oh! Did I hurt you?
- Billy Pilgrim: Oh, no! Oh!
- Tralfamadorian speaker: [after a moment of silence] Mr. Pilgrim? Miss Wildhack? Are you mating now?
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Why do you wish the night canopy?
- Billy Pilgrim: Because we want it!
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Will you mate?
- Billy Pilgrim: We hardly know each other! Do you mind if we take time to get better acquainted?
- Tralfamadorian speaker: You are acting very unnaturally.
- Billy Pilgrim: We would like the night canopy.
- Tralfamadorian speaker: Oh, very well.
- [the other Tralfamadorian spectators groan in disappointment, and the lights go down]