Eli Wallach: Sheriff Edward 'Black Jack' Gideon
Photos
Quotes
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Sheriff Edward Gideon : [Observing a deserted town] What the hell's goin' on around here?
Sakura : Oh... maybe today holiday.
Blanc de Blanc : He's right. Today's the day of St. Blanc the Martyr. That's my saint day! Hey, Sheriff, do you mind if I-?
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Shut up, Swiss. Sit down. You bring tears to my eyes, but we ain't Catholics in these parts.
Sakura : Uh-uh-uh, that's right. In America, all prostitutes.
Sheriff Edward Gideon : [Annoyed] Protestants.
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Sheriff Edward Gideon : Hey, wha- what are you doing there?
Sakura : I'm preparing poutparri, Japanese style.
Blanc de Blanc : Potpourri, not poutparri.
Sakura : Yeah, yeah, special herbs, that prevent sleeping on hunger. That way, Sakura always stay awake and on guard all night.
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Well, if it helps to stop hunger, bring it here. I'll have some.
Sakura : Oh, we special, Sheriff, we special...
Blanc de Blanc : Hey, leave some for me, huh?
Sheriff Edward Gideon : You'll need your sleep. You're gonna do a lotta galloping tomorrow.
Sakura : Ah, it's ready. Ah, ya, oh...
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Good, huh?
[He eats some of the potpourri]
Sakura : Ah, yes... It's good?
Sheriff Edward Gideon : It's very good!
[Stops chewing and suddenly cries out in pain]
Sakura : Immediate effect of herb preparation! You no sleep or feel hungry!
Sheriff Edward Gideon : [spits out the potpourri] BULLSHIT!
[He goes and collapses by a tree]
Sakura : Sheriff, Sakura do help teethache, and let samurai stop pain!
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Well, I can't! Even when I was a kid, the blacksmith had to pull out my tooth, now they're all aching, damn it!
Blanc de Blanc : Eh, take it easy, Sheriff, one night will pass quickly.
Sheriff Edward Gideon : YOU SHUT UP!
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Sheriff Edward Gideon , Blanc de Blanc : [drunkenly] You're absolutely right, Swiss. I'm a horse's ass. And... of all th' horse's asses in the world... you... are my real friend.
Blanc de Blanc : Now you're really beginnin' to make a little sense. But Black Jack, why did you choose the kind of existence that pays nothing and is full of danger? You got a house full of kids, and a woman who, exceptin' for the beard, could be the twin of Mochako.
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Mochako doesn't have a beard.
Blanc de Blanc : But Clementine has. Hey, look, we could both be rich, Black Jack. Rich, you hear? Let's open the box and divide up the money, huh? Think about it. Paris.
[Mimes the Can-Can... Black Jack starts to join in]
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Yeah, you're right, Swiss. Let's cha-cha-cha-cha the law! And everybody who the hell believes in it! Let's open the box! I've got the- I've got the key!
[He pulls the key out from his pocket]
Sheriff Edward Gideon : So let's...
[His hand hovers over one of the three locks. He's forgotten which lock the key fits]
Blanc de Blanc : C'mon, what's the matter?
Sheriff Edward Gideon : The matter is, I can't remember which lock to open! An-and if we open the wrong lock...
[imitates explosion noises musically]
Blanc de Blanc : Very funny. Calm down, there are only three keyholes to choose from. Black, yellow and white. You gotta remember which one it is!
Sheriff Edward Gideon : [Despondently] With all that fire water you gave me to drink, I can't even remember my own name!
Blanc de Blanc : Your name is Black Jack! Now come on, now, open this damn box! Come on!
Sheriff Edward Gideon : I got it! Eenie, meenie, miney, mo, catch a...
[pauses, then points to the black lock]
Sheriff Edward Gideon : That's it!
[He kisses the key, and starts to try and insert the key into the black lock. Swiss stops him]
Blanc de Blanc : Hey, wait! Are you sure?
Sheriff Edward Gideon : Sure? No.
Blanc de Blanc : You're not just drunk! You're crazy!
[He gets up and leaves]
Blanc de Blanc : Let me out of this looney bin!
[Black Jack looks fit to cry]
Sheriff Edward Gideon : God damn it! The one time I decide to screw the law... I can't remember which lock to use!
[Rests his head, whimpering, on the box]
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Sheriff Edward Gideon : [about to be hanged by a gang] I'll never die without my boots on, and a star on my chest.
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[a saloon thug tears off the veil covering Black Jack's mustache]
Saloon thug : You've got a mustache!
Sheriff Edward Gideon : [in a falsetto] Yes, women with mustaches are sexy!
