- Lisa: I hear you bought yourself a haunted house.
- John Baxter: I just bought the house, not the ghost.
- Elliot West: A famous writer once said "Reality is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes."
- Melanie: [to John] I don't want another one of your rational explanations, John. I know what I experienced, and I'm not crazy.
- Jeff: [with makeshift Ouija] I got a good question! Can it tell us what color panties Lisa's wearing?
- Roger: Come on, Jeff... everybody knows that!
- Lisa: [sarcastic laugh] Up yours, darling.
- Jeff: Alright! Wait, wait. I got it. I got a great question. It's great! Alright, is... anyone in this room... going to be dead before next year...
- Susan Baxter: No! No. Don't ask questions like that.
- Nancy Baxter: [as paramedics try to resuscitate Susan] Are you trying to tell me that that's Susan, John? John, that's not Susan, I just left her, she's in the house, Susan's in the house, John. John, stop. Don't. Don't! Now let go. No. You cannot tell me that that's Susan, that is not Susan. I just left Susan. She's in the house and... and she's changing... she's... she's all wet and... and she's changing, you cannot tell me that that is Susan! She's in the house, John...
- John Baxter: [as she runs away] Nancy!
- Nancy Baxter: ...She's in the house! Come on, I'll show you.
- John Baxter: [after the kitchen has been wrecked] What happened?
- Nancy Baxter: [as she irons clothes amidst the wreckage] It's Susan. She wants to show us she's here.
- [last lines]
- John Baxter: [final line despite several more minutes of chaos and destruction] Get out! Everybody get out of the house!
- Lisa: Ron DeFeo. Murdered his mother... and his father... and his four brothers and sisters in this house. God. The master bedroom. This is where he began. And then right here. He fired two more shots. The sound muffled by the crash of thunder outside. And then he went upstairs, to the children's room...
- [Susan and Lisa are terrified by the sound of footsteps from above]
- John Baxter: [appears from above] Hi.
- Susan Baxter: Oh. Oh daddy, you scared us.
- Lisa: [obviously relieved] Not me.
- Lisa: You guys! You guys, Susan is right. No more stupid questions, okay. You're ruining everything. Now you just ask the spirit who it is and what it wants!
- Lisa: [after everyone returns their fingers to the glass] Is there anyone in this room who is really in danger.
- Susan Baxter: That's not what you said.
- Lisa: [after the glass slides away by itself and smashes] Susan, what are you doing throwing the glass against the wall like that...