- [Spider comes back with a condom]
- Spider: I forgot my rubber.
- Spider's Whore: Did you remember to bring your dick?
- Dave: Just get one thing straight, Wimp. We may be stuck with you, but that doesn't mean you're going to ruin our trip just because you're a little brat kid! We're going to be as crude as we want, as filthy as we want, and as gross as we want! You understand that, Wimp?
- Wendell: My name's Wendell, and why should today be any different?
- Dave: You know what that Tuck-and-Roll guy's doing right now? He's stuffing my seats with horseshit!
- Dave: I heard about this guy who got some spanish flies for his girlfriend, because she wasn't putting out. He gave her one and stopped at a liquor store or something, and when he came out guess what he found?
- Woody: She was dead on top of the gearshift.
- Dave: You know the same guy!
- Woody: No, the same story.