- Paul Miller: You were born to be a detective!
- Donald Wilson: I was?
- Paul Miller: You reek of detective!
- Donald Wilson: I reek?
- Paul Miller: [passing by] Hiya, Joffe.
- Joffe: Drop dead, Miller!
- Paul Miller: [under his breath] Ehh... you creep.
- Paul Miller: [walks up to a hog dog stand] Hiya, Skinny, how are you?
- [takes a bite of a hot dog on the cart]
- Skinny: Hey, Miller, what about that fifty bucks?
- Paul Miller: Pay me when you can, okay?
- [walks away]
- Skinny: Hey, you owe ME!
- Paul Miller: [turns around, sarcastically] Oh, yeah, I forgot.
- Paul Miller: Would you mind getting out of my chair? You're crushing the vinyl.
- [takes off his jacket and hands it to Carlotta]
- Paul Miller: Hang this up for me, will ya?
- [Carlotta just drops it on the floor]
- Paul Miller: Thanks. Now, do I detect a little tension in here. Is that it? I mean, is Mr. T not returning your phone calls, or what?
- Carlotta: [takes out a jar of peanut butter from a cabinet] You better come up with my back pay!
- Paul Miller: I'm trying, Carlotta!
- Carlotta: I've been working my fingers to the bone for you!
- Paul Miller: A bone is a long way off.
- Paul Miller: [on the night of Donald's first class] You all hear me out there?
- [Donald looks around to know he is the only one in the office]
- Paul Miller: I was hoping for a bigger turnout, but I don't think we can wait much longer, so why don't we get started? Now, before we get into the nuts and bolts of being a detective, we shall have the traditional payment of tuition. The first week comes to exactly $174.25.
- [Donald gets out his checkbook and starts writing one out]
- Paul Miller: Make that check payable to the Department of Water and Power.
- [Donald looks up confused]
- Paul Miller: We do that for tax reasons. While you're doing that, Miss Wembley will serve the complementary horderves. Carefully, Miss Wembley.
- [Carlotta goes over to the cabinet and takes out a paper plate with a single Ritz cracker topped with peanut butter and offers it to Donald]
- Donald Wilson: No, thank you. I don't really like peanut butter.
- [she takes it off the plate and forces it near his face]
- Carlotta: [firmly] Eat it.
- Donald Wilson: Maybe just one.
- [takes it]
- Donald Wilson: Thank you.
- [he puts into his mouth and starts eating it]
- Donald Wilson: [to Paul] You got a drink?
- Paul Miller: I got half a beer or a Coke.
- Donald Wilson: Coke, please.
- [Carlotta hands him a can of Coke]
- Donald Wilson: Thank you.
- [he pulls the top of the can and starts drinking]
- Carlotta: That's $4.00.
- [Donald begins choking]
- Paul Miller: [after they elude Bruno, they park their car outside Rome] All right, we lost them. How much money have you got?
- Donald Wilson: What?
- Paul Miller: How much money have you got?
- Donald Wilson: I don't believe you. A man dies in my arms in a toilet, I have no passport, we're driving a stolen car, you want to know how much money I have?
- Paul Miller: Yeah!
- Donald Wilson: You're amazing.
- [notices in horror he lost his wallet in the chaos]
- Donald Wilson: Oh my god, I lost my wallet.
- Paul Miller: What? You lost all our money?
- Donald Wilson: OUR money?
- [starts to walk away]
- Donald Wilson: I'm going to the police.
- Paul Miller: You can't go to the police. You go to the police, you'll spend two years in jail before they even talk to you.
- Donald Wilson: Why? I didn't do anything!
- Paul Miller: Go ahead, just tell them that. Tell them that. They're still mad at us for all the gum and babies we left here after the war. Let's go back to New York.
- [walks back towards the car]
- Donald Wilson: Wait a minute. You're on a case. You can't leave. We're partners.
- Paul Miller: Look, Donald, you're a nice guy, but people are shooting at you. Can't you see that? And they might miss you and hit me.
- [slaps him on the face]
- Paul Miller: So long, Donald. You want the stolen car?
- Donald Wilson: No!
- Paul Miller: I didn't think so.
- [gets into the car and starts the engine]
- Paul Miller: By the way, nobody here speaks English.