- Old Lady Jezebel: In the last election, I cast my ballot for you!
- Sheriff John Jensen: That's great.
- Old Lady Jezebel: There's another one coming up...
- Jezebel: This is not the end! When I wake up...
- Lorna Davis: ...We'll both be old and grey. Come on, lemme help ya down.
- Lorna Davis: [falls to the floor in a deep sleep] Ugh!
- Lorna Davis: [singing, trying to write a song] In the night, birds in flight...
- [talking]
- Lorna Davis: That makes no sense!
- [resumes singing]
- Lorna Davis: Birds gotta sing, fish gotta fly...
- [talking]
- Lorna Davis: Oh that's better, "fish gotta fly." I'm a great writer, all right.
- Lorna Davis: Who on earth is "Mountain Dan?"
- Jasper: He eats little kids... and uses their bones for weapons.
- Lorna Davis: [after the kids ask her if she is an angel that flew down from Heaven] I came UP here, not DOWN here, darlin'. And I made time, but I didn't fly.
- Lorna Davis: [threatening the Sheriff] Come any closer and you're going to get your Christmas punch early.
- Sheriff John Jensen: I didn't catch your name.
- Lorna Davis: Well, I didn't throw it yet. It's Luella. Luella Durbin, and I'm just zippin' on down the road apiece, movin' right along!
- Mary: [about Sheriff Jensen] I don't like him.
- Lorna Davis: You shouldn't ought to not like people, but if you're going to, he's the one not to like!
- Lorna Davis: [as disguised Jezebel hands her a poisoned pie in the jail cell] Are you sure you didn't bake a file in here for me?
- Old Lady Jezebel: Oh, mercy, no. Just apples. And spice. And everything nice.