Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
Michael Caine: Lawrence Jamieson
Photos
Quotes
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[Sitting at the dinner table]
Freddy Benson : Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?
Lawrence Jamieson : Of course you may.
Freddy Benson : [after a pause, and with relief] Thank you.
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Lawrence Jamieson : Freddy, as a younger man, I was a sculptor, a painter, and a musician. There was just one problem: I wasn't very good. As a matter of fact, I was dreadful. I finally came to the frustrating conclusion that I had taste and style, but not talent. I knew my limitations. We all have our limitations, Freddy. Fortunately, I discovered that taste and style were commodities that people desired. Freddy, what I am saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.
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[Ruprecht is mauling Lawrence's new girlfriend]
Lawrence Jamieson : Ruprecht, do you want the genital cuff?
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Lawrence Jamieson : A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away.
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Lawrence Jamieson : Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson : No!
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Freddy Benson : [omitted from the profit distribution] Excuse me. What about me? What do I get?
Lawrence Jamieson : You are the student. You get knowledge.
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Lawrence Jamieson : You've been banging on your pots again, haven't you? I've told you... if you keep on doing it, you won't have any pots left
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Freddy Benson : Of all the lousy... She is disgusting. She is lying. She is deceitful. She is two-faced. She is conniving, and she is dishonest!
Lawrence Jamieson : Heh, heh, heh... Yes... Isn't she wonderful?
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Freddy Benson : Listen. We're the weaker sex. Men don't live as long as women. We get more heart attacks, more strokes, more prostate trouble. I say it's time for a change. I say let them give us money. Let's live off them for a while. That probably shocks a guy like you, right?
Lawrence Jamieson : Well, it's rather a revolutionary thought.
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Freddy Benson : I look great, don't I? I know the moves!
Lawrence Jamieson : Yes, Freddy. You're ready.
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Lawrence Jamieson : Don't worry, Ruprecht. We won't go anywhere without you.
Freddy Benson : [pretending to be Ruprecht] Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
Lawrence Jamieson : [to the rich Lady from Oklahoma] He'll enjoy Oklahoma's wide-open spaces. He loves to run and run and run.
Freddy Benson : Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!
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Freddy Benson : Of all the lousy - She is disgusting! She is lying! She is deceitful! She is two-faced! She is conniving and she is dishonest!
Lawrence Jamieson : Yes. Isn't she wonderful?
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[first lines]
Lady with Pearls : Your Highness, please allow me to make this little contribution.
Lawrence Jamieson : No, I cannot accept them.
Lady with Pearls : But think of what these could do for your cause.
Lawrence Jamieson : Even though I know those pearls would mean freedom for many of my people, I will not take them.
Lady with Pearls : Please. Please! These could save the lives of many men.
Lawrence Jamieson : The men of my country are proud. They would die rather than have their Prince accept charity.
Lady with Pearls : Then think of the lives of the women, the mothers.
Lawrence Jamieson : The women of my country fight alongside the men. They are also too proud to accept charity.
Lady with Pearls : Then consider the lives of the children. The innocent children.
Lawrence Jamieson : But - for the children.
[Lawrence accepts the pearls]
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Inspector Andre : She's the blonde in the blue sequined dress. Extremely rich, very married, eminently corruptible and a willing infidel.
Lawrence Jamieson : Perfect.
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Freddy Benson : Look what I did in the dining car! She gave me 100 francs. That's like, uh, 20 bucks! Do you have any idea what it feels like to take a woman for 20 bucks?
Lawrence Jamieson : No, I haven't. I'm afraid it's a little out of my class.
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Lawrence Jamieson : Well, the Jackal has finally tucked his tail between his legs and crawled away.
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Lawrence Jamieson : Freddy. This is really very serious. They don't treat gigolos lightly in France.
Freddy Benson : What do you mean?
Lawrence Jamieson : Until 75 years ago, they were still castrating them.
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Freddy Benson : Larry.
Lawrence Jamieson : Lawrence.
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Lawrence Jamieson : All right. Cuddly-cuddly.
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Lawrence Jamieson : I have wonderful news. Miss Trumble and I are going to be married. And we are going to live in Oklahoma.
Freddy Benson : Really?
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Janet Colgate : You heard that awful story about his girlfriend and the dancer. How did that make you feel?
Lawrence Jamieson : It made me physically sick.
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Freddy Benson : Oh, come on! She's keeping the mink. I mean, if we take her for everything, she still comes out with a very very nice mink.
Lawrence Jamieson : Freddy, the women I deal with are carefully screened. They're wealthy and corrupt. I never take advantage of the poor or the virtuous.
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Lawrence Jamieson : It seems the teacher has underestimated the student.