Columbo (TV Series)

Columbo Goes to the Guillotine (1989)

Peter Falk: Columbo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lt. Columbo : Always remember it's a trick. Keep that in mind and you can figure out how it's done.

• Lt. Columbo : [referring to the workshop, and demonstrating one of the tricks]  The whole place is one big magic trick. You can't believe anything you see.

• Bert Spindler : [holds up a drink in a toast]  To Max the Magnificent.

  Lt. Columbo : To Max, sir, and all these tricks, you know how they all work?

  Bert Spindler : That's my job. A very beautiful and ancient art.

  Lt. Columbo : And the uh, mind reading part, how did that all work?

  Bert Spindler : Consultant; universities, corporations, government agencies. Exposing those ESP people. He even wrote a book on it: 'Dyson on Mind Reading.' Max was so good himself, he never found a psychic who wasn't a fake. Until yesterday.

  Lt. Columbo : Is that a fact, sir?

  Bert Spindler : He conducted a big test out at some think tank institute. Really shook him up.

• Medical Examiner : [talking to a reporter]  Both doors were locked from the inside. Freight elevator, locked. The door to the stairs, locked. The safety bolt over there, it's hangin' from its chain, I mean, the guy obviously screwed up. I'm gonna give you this one as an accident and you can count on it.

  [Columbo picks up guillotine collar from the floor] 

  Medical Examiner : Hey, that was off when I got here.

  Lt. Columbo : It was off when I got here, too.

  Medical Examiner : [to reporter]  I mean, it could have been a suicide, but whoever heard of a suicide with a guillotine? I'm still gonna give you this one as an accident.

  Lt. Columbo : [handing collar to forensic tech]  Have the lab check this out for blood.

  [to medical examiner with a shrug] 

  Lt. Columbo : You never know.

• Bert Spindler : He was loved. Well, not by those mind readers and psychics; they weren't so crazy about him, once he got on their case. But magicians loved him. I loved him.

  Lt. Columbo : I've never seen so many wonderful tricks. Those beautiful Chinese rings, and that terrific birdcage. Once, on a vacation with Mrs. Columbo, I saw a magician make a tiger disappear right out of the ring, but I've never seen a trick like that guillotine trick upstairs. That must be some dangerous trick.

  Bert Spindler : Not if you're careful. Max built in some safeguards, made it all foolproof.

  Lt. Columbo : What happened to Max, that didn't look very foolproof. How do you explain that?

  Bert Spindler : Are you sure you won't join me, Lieutenant?

  Lt. Columbo : No, thank you very much, sir.

  Bert Spindler : Max must have gotten careless. Forgot to lock in the safety bolt.

• Lt. Columbo : [walks into bar]  Lieutenant Columbo, Homicide. You the owner?

  Sgt. Russo : [waving Columbo to the bar before presenting his badge]  Sergeant Russo, retired.

  Lt. Columbo : What's the problem, here, Sergeant?

  Sgt. Russo : [nodding to the bucket behind the bar]  Blood.

  [Blood is dripping from above. Columbo looks up to see a red stain on the ceiling] 

  Lt. Columbo : Well, what's up there?

  Sgt. Russo : Some kind of workshop. Belongs to the magic shop next door.