Grumpy Old Men (1993)

Ann-Margret: Ariel Truax

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ariel Truax : [John is showing Ariel some family pictures]  And these two little guys?

  John Gustafson : Oh! That's me and the moron.

  Ariel Truax : Is that Max?

  John Gustafson : Of course it's Max. He's ugly isn't he?

  Ariel Truax : Aw, you mean you were friends?

  John Gustafson : I was 10, and didn't know any better.

  Ariel Truax : What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting?

  John Gustafson : Oh? Guess.

  Ariel Truax : A woman!

  [John nods] 

  Ariel Truax : How romantic.

  John Gustafson : No, it wasn't romantic at all.

• John Gustafson : [heading to the bedroom with Ariel]  Wait a minute. I'm not prepared. See, these days, they say you have to do "safe sex".

  Ariel Truax : John, when was the last time you made love?

  John Gustafson : October 4th...

  [Ariel raises her eyebrows] 

  John Gustafson : ... 1978.

  Ariel Truax : Oh, I think we're safe.

• John Gustafson : Ohh you don't know a damn things about me...

  Ariel Truax : I do too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.

• Ariel Truax : Gay or straight?

  John Gustafson : Huh?

  Ariel Truax : Heterosexual or homosexual?

  John Gustafson : Geez Louise!

  Ariel Truax : Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question.

  John Gustafson : Well, maybe in California, but here in Minnesota... Who-ho-ho-ho!

• Ariel Truax : All the ideas that you brought to those young minds.

  John Gustafson : Yeah, but kids, they think they know it all, right?

  Ariel Truax : Oh, once in a while you reach one. You touch them somehow.

  John Gustafson : I did that once.

  Ariel Truax : Really?

  John Gustafson : It was my Roosevelt's New Deal lecture. I touched a kid in the back of the head while he was snoring.

• Ariel Truax : I do so love bathrooms. You know, you can tell an awful lot about a person from his bathroom. Did you know that?

  John Gustafson : No. I didn't know that. There's a guest bathroom...

  Ariel Truax : Oh, there it is! I can't wait I find in there. You know, it's better than having a palm-read. You give me 30 seconds in a person's bathroom and I will give you a complete and accurate profile.

• Ariel Truax : Sometimes a person has to go a very long distance out of their way to come back a short distance correctly.