Clerks (1994)
Gary Stern: Tabloid Reading Customer
Quotes
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Randal Graves : So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?
Dante Hicks : What?
Randal Graves : The reason you won't let me use your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?
Dante Hicks : Exactly.
Tabloid Reading Customer : I saw one, one time, that said, "The next week, the world is ending." And in the next week's paper, they said, "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird." Crazy shit.
Randal Graves : So, I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?
Dante Hicks : Oh, now, that's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.
Randal Graves : Yeah, not yet.
[takes a drink of water]
Tabloid Reading Customer : And I remember this one time-
[Randal spits water at him]
Tabloid Reading Customer : I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!
Dante Hicks : Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He meant to hit me.
Tabloid Reading Customer : Yeah, well, he missed!
Dante Hicks : Yeah, I know. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even, alright?
Tabloid Reading Customer : I'll never come in here again.
[to Randal]
Tabloid Reading Customer : And if I see you again, I'm gonnna break your fucking head open!
[Randal salutes him as he leaves]
Dante Hicks : What the fuck'd you do that for?
Randal Graves : Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.
Dante Hicks : Oh, Jesus!
Randal Graves : And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.
Dante Hicks : What?
Randal Graves : If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?
Dante Hicks : [gives Randal his car keys] You are a danger to both the dead and the living.
Randal Graves : I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.
Dante Hicks : Please, get the hell outta here.
Randal Graves : You know I'm your hero.