Empire Records (1995)

Anthony LaPaglia: Joe Reaves

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Joe is talking to the police about Warren] 

  Joe : [to Warren]  How old are you?

  Warren : Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall.

  Joe : [to the cops on the phone]  Yeah, he's a juvenile.

• Joe : [hands retrieved CDs to the caught shoplifter]  I want you to take these, hold 'em against your chest, stand against the wall, and they're gonna take a photograph of you.

  Warren : Why don't you go shove 'em up your ass?

  Lucas : Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.

• Jane : What are you doing later?

  Joe : I don't know. I'm either going to jail or hell, I can't decide.

• A.J. : Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...

  Joe : Oh yeah, my wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?

  A.J. : Oh yeah, definitely.

• Corey : Joe, you're the best boss in the world. Can I bring Rex his lunch?

  Joe : Berko's taking him his lunch.

  Corey : Um Joe, you know that Berko's gonna insult him to his face I don't think that's such a good idea.

  Joe : I don't care if Berko sticks an M-80 up his butt and lights it. In fact, I hope he sticks one up mine, it might be an improvement.

  Corey : Joe, I have to bring Rex his lunch.

  Joe : Berko is.

  Corey : Joe, I need to bring him his lunch.

  Joe : Berko is.

  Corey : [screams]  I'M BRINGING REX HIS LUNCH!

  [pause] 

  Joe : ...alright.

• Joe : Deb, what are you doing?

  Debra : I just wanted to have a little chat with Warren.

  Warren : Yeah? Have a little chat with my gun.

  [waves it under her nose] 

  Debra : [into the barrel of Warren's gun]  What do you want Warren?

  Warren : *Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't fucking Warren!*

  [kicks furniture to underline point] 

  Eddie : His name isn't Warren.

  Corey : [whispers]  His name isn't Warren?

  Berko : [whispering as well]  His name isn't Warren?

  Mark : I thought his name was Warren?

  Debra : [to Warren]  Well, you can't kill me 'cause I'm already dead. And I talked to God, and she says, "Yo, wassup?" and she wants you to lose the gun.

  Warren : What? You are a psycho! A *psycho!*

• Joe : Could you please not sing, Mark.

  Mark : You know what Joe? One of these days, I'm gonna show you little people.

  Joe : Yeah, well on that day I'm gonna jump outta my wheelchair and do a dance.

  Mark : How 'bout today, huh? Rex Manning day.

• Joe : [after Lucas enters]  Lucas!

  Lucas : Joe!

  Joe : Where's the money?

  Lucas : Joe, the money is gone.

  Joe : Yeah, I know it's gone... but where's it gone to?

  Lucas : Atlantic City.

  Joe : Atlantic City?... Is it coming back from Atlantic City?

  Lucas : [nervous laugh]  Oh, I don't think so, Joe.

  Joe : What's it doing in Atlantic City, Lucas?

  Lucas : ...Recirculating.

  Joe : Recirculating?

  Lucas : Yeah.

  [Joe knocks the donation cup that Lucas was carrying out of his hands and grabs his arm] 

  Joe : Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.

  Lucas : Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City... I swear.

  Joe : Shut up, sit down, and don't you move.

  Lucas : [sitting down]  It could be in other cities by now...

  Joe : Oh, shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch... unless it's to get me $9000, and then you bring it here to me, okay?

  Lucas : Okay. You know, I think things are gonna be all right now, Joe.

  Joe : Oh? And what makes you think that.

  Lucas : Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

  [nodding] 

  Lucas : Mmhmm!

  Joe : ...What a moron.

• Lucas : Joe, I think it's gonna be okay.

  Joe : What makes you think that?

  Lucas : Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.

• Joe : Gina, you'd better go home.

  Gina : Am I fired?

  Joe : Have I fired anyone today? No. Why would I start with you?

• Lucas : Mitchell's the man, Joe.

  Joe : And the man calls all the shots.

  Lucas : Damn the man.

  Joe : Let me explain it to you. Mitchell's the man. I'm the idiot. You're the screw-up. And we're all losers. Welcome to Music Town.

• [after Joe beats Lucas up in his office] 

  Joe : Here.

  [hands Lucas a washcloth] 

  Joe : You deserved that, you know that.

  Lucas : Yeah, I know it.

• A.J. : ...you know, I got to tell her that I, uh, well, you know, that I uh...

  Joe : love her.

  A.J. : Yeah, now how do I do that?

  Joe : You say I love you. What do you want, written instructions?

• Joe : Where's Rex?

  Debra : Got a better question for you, Joe. Where's Gina?

  [Joe hears Gina in the xerox room with Rex] 

  A.J. : I'll look upstairs.

  Debra : I'll check the bathroom.

  Berko : I'll check the storage room.

  Lucas : I'll check the sofa.

• Mitch : Why do I get the feeling that I'm being royally screwed?

  Joe : Because you are, Mitch.

• A.J. : Hey Joe, I wanna tell Corey how I feel about her, and I thought you'd be the perfect guy for the job...

  Joe : Oh, yeah. My wife left me for a woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave on gunpoint. Does this qualify me?

  A.J. : Yeah, absolutely.

• Joe : Where's Rex?

  Debra : I've got a better question for you, Joe. Where's Gina?

  [meaningful look at closed door behind which whirring copier and Gina's giggles are heard]