Jingle All the Way (1996)

Martin Mull: D.J.

Photos 

Quotes 

• DJ : [as Howard tries to break into the radio station; he calls the cops]  Yeah, I've got a mad man in my studio and...

  [Howard breaks the glass door and charges inside] 

  DJ : HELP ME!

  Howard Langston : Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!

  DJ : What?

  Howard Langston : See, I couldn't get through on the phone. Did I win?

  [Howard hugs the DJ] 

  DJ : Oh no, it's not that simple!

  DJ : No! Wait, wait!

  [Myron comes into the radio room] 

  Howard Langston : You're too late! I already got the the right answer! I won! Ha ha! Yeah!

  Myron Larabee : I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!

  [Myron pulls out a package] 

  Howard Langston : Now what's that?

  Myron Larabee : This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!

  Howard Langston : A bomb?

  Myron Larabee : Yes, in layman's terms, a bomb! So back up!

  Howard Langston : You built a bomb?

  Myron Larabee : No, I didn't build a bomb! Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day! I just kept one in case I ever needed it! So give me the doll, or I'll blow up everybody in this place!

  Howard Langston : Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away!

• DJ : Excuse me, gentlemen, are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?

  Howard Langston : Yes.

  Myron Larabee : That's what you said on the radio.

  DJ : Oh, no.

  Myron Larabee : Yes it is.

  DJ : No, no, no! What I actually said was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. See...

  [chuckles] 

  DJ : What we have here... is a gift certificate.

  Howard Langston , Myron Larabee : A gift certificate?

  DJ : Right.

• Caller : [the objective is to correctly name all eight of Santa's reindeer to eventually win a Turbo Man doll]  Um, Randy, Jermaine, uh, Tito...

  DJ : Nope, not even close. Sorry. But perhaps this song will put us all in the mood to get this thing right.

• Myron Larabee : Did you call me buddy?

  Howard Langston : Yeah.

  Myron Larabee : [shouting]  I am not your buddy! I tried to be your team mate, I wanted to be your friend, but noooooooooo, you had other other plans for Myron Larabee!

  Howard Langston : No, I had no plans.

  Myron Larabee : You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common, letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!

  [the DJ is chortling muffledly] 

  Myron Larabee : Are you laughing at me?

  DJ : Huh? Oh, no! Lord no! Not at all!

  Myron Larabee : Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you, I know your kind. You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my jeep, don't you?

  DJ : No, not true! I recycle!

  Howard Langston : Shut up!

  Myron Larabee : That's right, shut up!

• Howard Langston : [triumphantly to Myron]  You're too late. I've already got the right answer; I won! Yeah!

  Myron Larabee : I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!

  [Pulls out a package] 

  Howard Langston : And what's that?

  Myron Larabee : This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!

  Howard Langston : [in disbelief]  A bomb?

  DJ : [gasps]  Good lordy...

  Myron Larabee : Yes, in layman terms, a bomb! So back up!

  Howard Langston : You built a bomb?

  Myron Larabee : No, I didn't have to build a bomb. Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day. I just kept one in case I ever needed it.

  [to radio DJ] 

  Myron Larabee : So give me the doll, or I'm going to blow up everybody in this place!

  Howard Langston : Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away! This is not worth it!

  Myron Larabee : Well, maybe not to you, but to me it is. So back up! Back up!

  Howard Langston : Myron! Come on, old buddy. Give me the package, all right? Come on.

  Myron Larabee : Did you call me "buddy?"

  Howard Langston : Yeah.

  Myron Larabee : I am not your buddy! I tried to be your teammate! I wanted to be your friend! But nooooooooo! You had other plans for Myron Larabee!

  Howard Langston : No, I had no plans.

  Myron Larabee : You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!

  [the radio DJ is stifling his laughter at this] 

  Myron Larabee : Are you laughing at me?

  DJ : Huh? Oh no. Lord no. No, not at all.

  Myron Larabee : Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you! I know your kind! You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my Jeep, don't you?

  DJ : No, not true! I recycle!

  Howard Langston : Shut up!

  Myron Larabee : That's right! Shut up! Why do you think the window is there? So I can just put the mail in there! But you act like everything's okay! "Hey Mr. Mailman" like I have no feelings of my own!

  [He throws the package] 

  Howard Langston : Hit the deck!

  DJ : Oh.

  Myron Larabee : [the package is really a music box]  look I'm sorry, I've been under pressure since this ZIP+4 thing.

  Howard Langston : You twisted...

  Myron Larabee : Don't hit me! I've got sickle cell! Don't hit me!

  DJ : Excuse me, gentlemen, Are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?

  Howard Langston : Yes.

  Myron Larabee : That's what you said on the radio.

  DJ : Oh, no. No, no. No, no, no, no. What I actually said, was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. You see what we have here--ha! Oh! Is a gift certificate.

  Howard Langston , Myron Larabee : A gift certificate?

  DJ : Right. As soon as they get some dolls in the stores...

  [Police sirens are heard outside] 

  Howard Langston : Did you call the cops?

  DJ : [smiling sheepishly]  Yeah, kinda.

  Myron Larabee : Let's get outta here, but I'm going FIRST, buddy!