Le Dîner de Cons (1998)

Francis Huster: Juste Leblanc

Photos 

Quotes 

• François Pignon : Good evening, Mr. Leblanc. George Van Brueghel here. Sorry to bother you so late. I'm a Belgian producer, I just got in from Belgium, and I'm very interested in your novel...

  Pierre Brochant : [prompting him]  "The Merry-Go-Round".

  François Pignon : "The Merry-Go-Round." I'd like to discuss buying the movie rights.

  Juste Leblanc : Is this a joke?

  François Pignon : Not at all. Why?

  Juste Leblanc : Etienne?

  François Pignon : What?

  Juste Leblanc : Cut it out, I know it's you.

• Pierre Brochant : You came.

  Juste Leblanc : I felt bad leaving you alone.

  François Pignon : He wasn't alone. I took care of him.

  Pierre Brochant : Yes, and now you're leaving!

• François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Brochant.

  Pierre Brochant : Where does he live?

  Juste Leblanc : He has a love nest, but as to the address...

  François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Leblanc.

  Juste Leblanc : Good night. It's very secretive. No one knows it.

  François Pignon : Good night, Mr. Brochant!

  Pierre Brochant : [irritably]  Good night! There must be a way to find it.

  François Pignon : Meneaux had a tax audit. Pascal Meneaux, advertising. I've seen his file at the Ministry. My pal's on his case. Meneaux has a love nest, but it's no secret. Not to us, anyway. Good night, Mr. Brochant.

  Pierre Brochant : [to Juste]  Get him back in here!

• Pierre Brochant : What are you up to now?

  Juste Leblanc : Still writing. And I've already got a published.

  Pierre Brochant : What do you write?

  Juste Leblanc : We'll talk later. I have bad news. She called. She was torn between coming here and making a huge mistake. I tried to convince her, but...

  Pierre Brochant : What mistake?

  Juste Leblanc : Going to Meneaux's place.

  Pierre Brochant : What?

  Juste Leblanc : Pascal Meneaux, from the advertising company. She must be there now.

• Juste Leblanc : [leaving a voicemail]  Pierre, it's Juste. I wondered about the Belgian weirdo, then realized you're looking for your wife. Ask me yourself, without the accent. Bye.

  Pierre Brochant : [picking up]  Juste? It's me. Where is she?

  Juste Leblanc : I've waited two years for this. But I feel sorry for you.

  Pierre Brochant : Don't. Just tell me if she's with you.

  Juste Leblanc : She called to say she'd left you. She was very upset.

  Pierre Brochant : Did she say where she was going?

  Juste Leblanc : No.

  Pierre Brochant : Where could she be?

  Juste Leblanc : [laughing]  It's painful, huh?

  Pierre Brochant : You know exactly how I feel. But I've got a bad back, too!

  Juste Leblanc : No kidding?

  Pierre Brochant : You'd laugh if you saw me; bent over, unable to move.

  Juste Leblanc : You want me to stop by?

  Pierre Brochant : Thanks, but I'd rather be alone. Thanks again. Juste? You don't have to, but if she calls you again...

  Juste Leblanc : I'll call you, I promise.

  Pierre Brochant : Thanks. I don't deserve a friend like you.

• Pierre Brochant : Meneaux's the worst!

  Juste Leblanc : That's why she went. She's mad at you.

  Pierre Brochant : That two-cent Romeo. She's crazy!

• François Pignon : I'm not Etienne, I'm a producer from Brussels.

  Juste Leblanc : What company?

  François Pignon : Sorry?

  Juste Leblanc : What's your company called?

  François Pignon : [as he makes it up, Pierre face-palms]  Flatland Films.

  Juste Leblanc : Flatland Films?

  François Pignon : A young, but dynamic company, Mr. Leblanc.

  Juste Leblanc : And you're interested in my novel?

  François Pignon : Very interested.

  Juste Leblanc : For a movie or TV?

  Pierre Brochant : [prompting him]  A movie.

  François Pignon : A movie, for the big screen. Not the small box!

  Juste Leblanc : I want to do the screenplay myself.

  François Pignon : [at Pierre's urging]  No problem, Mr. Leblanc. But we're a small company with limited budgets. If you're not too greedy...

  Pierre Brochant : What about my wife?

  Juste Leblanc : We'll talk money later. When can I meet you, Mr...?

  François Pignon : Van Breughel.

  Pierre Brochant : [urging him to focus]  My wife!

• François Pignon : Sorry to disturb you, it's Van Breughel again.

  Juste Leblanc : My agent's on the other line. I'll call you. What's your number?

  François Pignon : 01.45.90.56.03.

  [Pierre unplugs the phone] 

  François Pignon : Hello? Hello? He cut me off.

  Pierre Brochant : I did, you idiot!

  François Pignon : Idiot?

  Pierre Brochant : [plugging the phone back in]  You gave him my phone number!

  François Pignon : Sure, he wants to call me back.

  Pierre Brochant : You never stop, do you?

• Juste Leblanc : I've got an idea. Listen to this. We scare Meneaux to make him come clean.

  Pierre Brochant : How?

  Juste Leblanc : You call and say you know everything, you're coming to wreck his place with three tough guys.

  Pierre Brochant : Not bad.

  Juste Leblanc : We'll know right away by the way he reacts.

  François Pignon : A fine strategy!

  Pierre Brochant : I can't call him. He knows my voice!

  Juste Leblanc : He knows mine, too.

  Lucien Cheval : And mine. I'm with him all day.

  François Pignon : [they all turn to look at him]  I think I'm going to be needed!

  Pierre Brochant : [mortified at the thought]  Oh, no!

  Juste Leblanc : Only he can do it!

  François Pignon : I really feel up to it!

  Juste Leblanc : We'll coach him, and he'll do fine.

  Pierre Brochant : Just wait and see!

• François Pignon : Lucien, it's Francois!

  Lucien Cheval : How's the big Auxerre fan?

  François Pignon : I'm no die-hard, and the game's not over!

  Lucien Cheval : Not over? You idiot! Two goals down and it's not over? Auxerre is a team of clowns, dickheads, and fuck-offs!

  François Pignon : Yeah? Who got slaughtered last week? Up Marseilles' ass, ream it with class!

  Lucien Cheval : Go fuck yourself!

  François Pignon : You, too!

  [hanging up] 

  François Pignon : What an asshole! Marseilles are turds, Marseilles are turds! Marseilles are turds! He's such a jerk!

  [seeing Pierre and Juste's looks] 

  François Pignon : I'll call him back.

  Juste Leblanc : He's in a league of his own.

  Pierre Brochant : It's been like this for hours.

• Pierre Brochant : Could you get us that address, Francois?

  François Pignon : I'd have to call Cheval, and I'd hate to. He's watching football on TV.

  [showing them a picture of one of his matchstick models] 

  François Pignon : An oil derrick.

  Juste Leblanc : Superb. Did you see that?

  Pierre Brochant : Yes.

  François Pignon : Know what I called it? Beau Derrick. After the actress, Bo Derek! Beau Derrick, Bo Derek! We had such a laugh at the office!

  Pierre Brochant : My wife is with a deadly sex fiend. Please call Cheval!

  François Pignon : Let's wait 'til halftime.

  Pierre Brochant : Why?

  François Pignon : If the game's dicey, he'll tell me to buzz off. Wait for halftime.

  Pierre Brochant : When is that?

  François Pignon : Soon. We'd best watch the game. Got a TV?

  Pierre Brochant : Not for football games!

  François Pignon : It's a big game.

  Pierre Brochant : Who cares?

  [Juste calms him down] 

  Pierre Brochant : Sorry. The TV's in the den.

• Juste Leblanc : [meeting Francois]  He's a bit of an idiot!

  Pierre Brochant : That's why I invited him.

  Juste Leblanc : Is he the guy...?

  Pierre Brochant : Yes! It's awful!

  Juste Leblanc : No kidding! He's your dinner idiot?

  Pierre Brochant : I've had it!

  [Juste starts laughing] 

  Pierre Brochant : It's not funny!

  Juste Leblanc : Sorry, but you with a bad back and a broken heart, stuck with this...

  Pierre Brochant : [he continues laughing]  Stop it!

  Juste Leblanc : When she said she'd left you, I didn't laugh. But seeing you with that jerk...

  [he continues laughing] 

• Pierre Brochant : He tossed out my wife!

  François Pignon : I'm really sorry, Mr. Brochant.

  Pierre Brochant : He drove her straight into Meneaux's arms!

  François Pignon : Okay, I goofed. But anybody would have made that mistake.

  Pierre Brochant : Get out, Mr. Pignon.

  Juste Leblanc : No, Pierre. We need him. Call Cheval.

  Pierre Brochant : I can't stand him!

  François Pignon : I'm really sorry, Mr. Brochant. I wanted to help you so badly.

  Juste Leblanc : It's halftime! We must call Cheval!

  François Pignon : I'll make it up to you, Mr. Brochant. Tell me to call Cheval.

  Juste Leblanc : Think of Christine! We must save her!

• François Pignon : I'm calling because I need a favor.

  Lucien Cheval : Okay, on one condition.

  François Pignon : What?

  Lucien Cheval : Shout, "Go, Marseilles, go!"

  François Pignon : What?

  Lucien Cheval : Let me hear you shout, "Go, Marseilles, go!"

  Pierre Brochant : [Francois doesn't want to]  You must!

  Juste Leblanc : [prompting him]  "Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go!"

  Pierre Brochant , Juste Leblanc : Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go! Go, Marseilles, go!

  François Pignon : I'm doing this for you, Pierre.

  [to Lucien as fast as he can] 

  François Pignon : Go, Marseilles, go.

  Lucien Cheval : You must need a big favor.

• Pierre Brochant : [reluctantly inviting Francois' co-worker over for dinner]  We've got time to tape the game for that retard.

  François Pignon : Cheval's no retard. He's our best inspector. Let him loose in this apartment, and he'll strip it!

  Juste Leblanc : It might not be a good idea to let a tax inspector into your home.

• Juste Leblanc : What's that wine?

  Pierre Brochant : Lafitte Rothschild '78.

  Juste Leblanc : Don't serve him such expensive wine!

  Pierre Brochant : That's all I have.

  Juste Leblanc : No table wine?

  Pierre Brochant : No! I've worked like a dog so I wouldn't have to drink cheap wine! I only have great wines! Or water!

  Juste Leblanc : Does Cheval know about wines?

  François Pignon : You bet he does! You opened a fine bottle. He'll like that!

  Juste Leblanc : Hear that? We've got a problem!

  Pierre Brochant : I'll solve it. Just you wait.

• Juste Leblanc : Who would tell us to call him? Someone who'd have the number to his love nest.

  Lucien Cheval : His partner, Roussin, would. They're very close.

  Juste Leblanc : Roussin it is.

  Pierre Brochant : Why wouldn't he call himself? Why wouldn't Roussin call? It'll seem odd.

  Lucien Cheval : Meneaux told me he's heading to L.A. tonight.

  Juste Leblanc : Perfect! We're calling for Roussin who's on a plane.

• Pierre Brochant : Sit down, Mr. Pignon. Repeat after me, "I'm calling for Mr. Roussin. He's on a plane, but has a message for you."

  François Pignon : Okay.

  Pierre Brochant : No, repeat it. Pretend I'm Meneaux and repeat what I said.

  François Pignon : I've got it!

  Pierre Brochant : Please, Mr. Pignon, repeat precisely.

  François Pignon : "Hello, I'm calling for Mr. Roussin. He's on a plane, and has a message for you."

  Juste Leblanc : Perfect!

  Pierre Brochant : Not yet. You add, "Brochant knows everything."

  [Francois moves to take the phone] 

  Pierre Brochant : No, repeat it!

  Lucien Cheval : Come on, he's not stupid!

  Pierre Brochant : "Brochant knows everything."

  François Pignon : [parroting it back]  "Brochant knows everything."

  Pierre Brochant : Then you say, "He knows about his wife." If Meneaux asks who's speaking, you say, "A friend of Roussin's. Brochant's coming with three pals."

  François Pignon : Huh. "He's with three of his toughest pals."

  Lucien Cheval : He's talented!

  François Pignon : I'm just parroting.

  Juste Leblanc : He's excellent.

  François Pignon : Could I improvise a bit?

  Pierre Brochant : No!

  François Pignon : Don't shout. You scared me.

  Pierre Brochant : Just stick to what I told you.

• Juste Leblanc : What are you doing?

  Pierre Brochant : I'm putting vinegar in my Lafitte. Now we have cheap wine. There! A wino's delight! Taste it.

  Juste Leblanc : You taste it!

  François Pignon : [Pierre offers it to him]  No, thanks.

  Pierre Brochant : [taking a sip himself]  Weird. It has more body.

  Juste Leblanc : [taking a sip]  Damn!

  Pierre Brochant : It hasn't ruined it.

  [taking another sip] 

  Pierre Brochant : I'd say it's better.

  Juste Leblanc : Definitely.

• Lucien Cheval : You been attached?

  Pierre Brochant : No, why?

  Lucien Cheval : Those light patches; pantings have been removed.

  François Pignon : He doesn't miss a trick. You're fabulous, Lucien!

  Juste Leblanc : You came to help or audit him?

  François Pignon : He came to help! Right? Hurry! Poor Mr. Brochant is in a fix!

  Lucien Cheval : Yeah, poor Mr. Brochant... sure, Meneaux's quite the jerk, but as we say, "dogs only go for bitches." Here we are. Barrès St. Near the park. 37 Barrès St.

  François Pignon : In Neuilly.

  Pierre Brochant : Great! I'm off.

  Juste Leblanc : Wait, make sure she's there! Don't go 'til you're sure of it.

  Lucien Cheval : He won't open the door. He's sneaky.

  Pierre Brochant : I'll kick it open.

  Juste Leblanc : What if she's not there? Then what?

  François Pignon : We could call him.

  Pierre Brochant : To ask if my wife's in his bed, snug under his quilt?

• Pierre Brochant : You told him I was your friend! He wouldn't go to work on me.

  François Pignon : Cheval would audit his own mother!

  Juste Leblanc : [indicating a painting on the wall]  Is that a copy?

  François Pignon : If you're clean, if your artworks were declared, you'll be fine. What'll we feed him?

  Pierre Brochant : I've got frozen stuff and eggs.

  François Pignon : I'll make him a nice omelet!

  Pierre Brochant : [moving to take the painting off the wall]  Give me a hand.

  Juste Leblanc : Watch your back. Where do we put it?

  Pierre Brochant : We'll put everything in my room.

  [Juste starts laughing] 

  Pierre Brochant : Stop laughing!

  Juste Leblanc : That idiot managed to drive your wife to adultery and to get you audited!

• Pierre Brochant : Francois Pignon, Marlene.

  François Pignon : Marlene?

  Pierre Brochant : Who did you toss out earlier?

  François Pignon : Marlene.

  Marlène Sasseur : What?

  Pierre Brochant : This is Marlene. Who did you toss out?

  [Juste starts laughing] 

  Pierre Brochant : If this is so funny, get out!

  Juste Leblanc : Sorry.

  Pierre Brochant : A blonde in a beige raincoat?

  François Pignon : You said, "That nut will show up!". A woman shows up, I figure it's the nut!

  Marlène Sasseur : What nut?

  Juste Leblanc : [laughing harder]  I'll be back.

• Lucien Cheval : Interesting room.

  Pierre Brochant : A storage room, where I keep my old things.

  Lucien Cheval : It's awful, but I don't care!

  François Pignon : What is?

  Lucien Cheval : He's a tax dodger, and I don't care!

  François Pignon : Get a hold of yourself. Run home and take a shower. Want the tape of the football game?

  Lucien Cheval : I'm in no mood for that. Goodbye, Mr. Leblanc.

  Juste Leblanc : Goodbye, Mr. Cheval.

  Lucien Cheval : Goodbye Mr. Brochant.

  Pierre Brochant : Goodbye, Mr. Cheval. Thanks for all your help.

  Lucien Cheval : Don't mention it. We'll meet again soon. I'm going to audit you. All this is suspect.

  Pierre Brochant : [watching him leave]  He recovered pretty fast.