The Road to El Dorado (2000)
Kenneth Branagh: Miguel
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Quotes
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[Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]
Miguel : Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Tulio : The horse is a surprise...
Miguel : Any... regrets?
Tulio : You mean besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel : My regret, besides dying is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Tulio : Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel : And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.
-
Miguel : Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of metal with a hooky thing at the end.
Tulio : Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel : Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio : Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...
[Altivo drops keys into the brig]
Tulio : Well... it's *not* a pry bar.
-
Tuilo : All right. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana!
Miguel : [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?
Tuilo : Yeah.
Miguel : [uncertainly] In... a rowboat.
Tuilo : Yeah!
Miguel : [sarcastically] Great. Sensational. That's your plan, is it?
Tuilo : That's... pretty much it, yeah.
Miguel : [delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
Tuilo : [pauses, deep breath] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...
-
Cortes : My crew was chosen as carefully as the Disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put in to Cuba to resupply, *God willing*, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig!
Miguel : All right! Cuba.
-
Tzekel-Kan : I know what you are, and I know what you are not. And you are *not* Gods!
Tulio : You're not a God? You lied to me? How dare you!
Miguel : [to Tzekel-Kan] Hey, it was *his* stupid plan!
Tulio : *My* plan was that we should *lie low*! But *your* plan was to run off! And be all, "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a God!"
Miguel : That's not true!
Tulio : No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel : At least I'm not *dating* mine!
Tulio : I...! Oo, low blow. Listen, mister high-and-mighty, we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had *just listened* to me!
Miguel : Well, now you have all the precious gold *and* Chel! So what do you need *me* for?
[pushes Tulio]
Tulio : [pushing back] Well, maybe I *don't* need you anymore!
Miguel : Fine! So why don't you just *go* back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll *both* get what *we* want!
Tulio : That's fine with me, pal!
Miguel : *Fine* with me too!
Tulio : Fine!
[they both punch Tzekel-kan]
-
Miguel : Tulio! Tulio, we've done it!
Tulio : Is that the map?
Miguel : It's all right here!
Tulio : You *still* have the *map*?
Miguel : The whistling rock! The stream!
Tulio : You kept the map but you couldn't manage to grab a little more FOOD?
Miguel : Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible, and it is! It really *is* the map to El Dorado!
[pause]
Tulio : You drank sea water, didn't you?
-
[Tzekel-Kan is about to perform a human sacrifice]
Tulio : [in an undertone to Miguel] I don't like this.
Miguel : Tulio, we've got to do something!
[Tzekel-Kan raises his axe]
Tulio : Stop! This is not a proper tribute!
[Miguel catches the intended victim and drags him away from the cliff edge]
Tzekel-Kan : [confused] You do not want the tribute?
Miguel : No no, we want tribute, it's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
Tulio : The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel : Like he said! Stars!... Can't do it... Not today.
-
Tulio : Miguel wake up. We found it!
Miguel : We did? Where?
Tulio : Here.
Miguel : What, behind the rock?
Tulio : Nope, here.
Miguel : But, but... *give* me that!
[snatches the map from Tulio's hands]
Miguel : I... this... can't be...
Tulio : Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... GREAT... BIG... ROCK!
[echo: Rock... rock... rock...]
Tulio : But I'll tell you what: I'm feeling generous today, so *you* can have *my* share!
Miguel : You don't think that... that Cortes could've gotten here before us and... and...
Tulio : And what? Taken all the *really* big rocks? The SCOUNDREL!
Miguel : Tulio! We... we've got to think about this, I... I mean we come all this way and...
Tulio : [comically annoyed] Get... on... the horse!
[Miguel sighs and makes a pitiful face]
Tulio : No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.
-
[Tulio, Miguel and Altivo have finally, after much effort, all gotten into the rowboat and avoided getting run over by any of the ships]
Tulio : Did any of the supplies make it?
Miguel : Um, well, yes and no.
[Tulio looks: Altivo is eating the few supplies that did make it]
Tulio : Oh, great!
Miguel : Hey, Tulio, look on the positive side: at least things can't get...
[a thunder clap. It starts pouring rain]
Tulio : Excuse me, were you about to say "worse"?
Miguel : No.
Tulio : No? You're sure?
Miguel : Definitely not, I'm going to revise that whole thing.
Tulio : Yeah. We are at least in a rowboat.
Miguel : We are in a rowboat.
[the boat drifts away to reveal the sharks following it]
-
Chel : Go ahead, I'll cover for you.
Miguel : Oh, good! Thanks.
[Tries to step outside without Tulio noticing]
Miguel : So, what happened to Altivo?
Chel : I don't know.
[Miguel takes off. Tulio walks past Chel singing]
Tulio : ...Hey. What happened to Miguel?
Chel : I don't know.
Tulio : Oh my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone, he's loose! What am I gonna do!
[throws himself on the couch]
Tulio : Ah, oh-ho no, no!
[sobs]
-
Miguel : [quietly, obviously hurting, to himself] Forget Miguel? Well... forget Tulio.
-
Tulio : [singing] I hardly think I'm qualified/ To come across all sanctified/ I just don't cut it with the cherubim...
Miguel : Tulio, what are you talking about?
[sung]
Miguel : There again, they're on their knees/ Being worshipped is a breeze! Which rather suits us in the interim...
Tulio : Interim, the interim, it's me and him! Oh my god!
Tulio , Miguel : It's tough to be a god...
Tulio : Tread where mortals have not trod/ Be deified when really, you're a sham! Be an object of devotion/ Be the subject of psalms...
Miguel : It's a rather touching notion/ all those prayers and those salaams!
Tulio : And who am I to bridle/ if I'm forced to be an idol? If they say that I'm a god, that's what I am! What's more, if we don't comply/ with the locals' wishes I/ can see us being sacrificed, or stuffed!
Miguel : [spoken] You have a point there, very good thinking.
[sung]
Miguel : So, let's be gods! The perks are great!
Tulio : Yeah!
Miguel : El Dorado on a plate/ Local feelings should not be rebuffed...
Tulio : Never rebuff, ah never rebuff a local feeling - no my friend!
Tulio , Miguel : It's tough to be a god/ but if you get the peoples' nod/ count your blessings/ keep 'em sweet! That's our advice.
Tulio : It's great advice!
Tulio , Miguel : Be a symbol of perfection/ Be a legend/ Be a cult! Take their praise/ take a collection/ as the multitudes exult!
Miguel : Don a supernatural habit...
Tulio : We'd be crazy not to grab it!
Miguel : You got it!
Tulio , Miguel : So sign on two new gods for paradise/ Paradise!