- Victor - The Friendly Guy: This place is too much, isn't it? In the weight room alone I spotted three porno stars and the weatherman from channel nine.
- Emil: [reading] "Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of King Dong. Caution: Do not remove the cock ring. Spirit of the king shall be released."
- Mother: Personal? Honey, I was washing your poop hole and your pee-pee till you were six. Doesn't get any more personal than that.
- Mother: I don't know what the Hell's gotten into you, Emil, but if you're not at that theater by seven-forty-five, I am gonna have your balls for breakfast.